


With Arms Wide Open

by jaybird023



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Heavy Smut in later chapters, Love, Lust, Magical Pregnancy, Mutual Pining, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Post-Episode: s07e22 Chosen, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slayer-Watcher Relationship, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Watcher-Slayer Bond, no smut until later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 59,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaybird023/pseuds/jaybird023
Summary: Synopsis: It's been a few weeks since Sunnydale sunk into the desert leaving all of the Scooby gang up in the air at what to do with their lives. Buffy's decided to settle down with Dawn in Rome, trying to live her own life, and forget about the things that have gone wrong between her and Giles. Just as she's settling into a routine working for the Italy branch of the new Watchers Council she finds out she's pregnant. There's only *one* problem... she hasn't had sex since a year before the potentials started showing up at her door in Sunnydale!The first 14 chapters of this story are already finished and (for the most part) pretty much ready to post. HOWEVER, for right now, I am only going to be posting one or two chapters a week. The first chapter is actually the shortest. All the ones after it are 2 to 3 times larger.
Relationships: Rupert Giles & Buffy Summers, Rupert Giles/Buffy Summers
Comments: 49
Kudos: 57





	1. I Just Heard the News Today

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: First, this has absolutely NO part of the comics. There might be some things that are related to it, but honestly I haven't even read them. I've only heard bits and pieces about them. 
> 
> Second, since Giles birth year isn't actually REALLY verified anywhere (believe me I searched), I messed with it, but not by much. It's not massively different, only two to three years. Basically, Giles was only 40 in 1997 when he met and became Buffy's Watcher. It was really important for his birth year to be within a certain time frame.
> 
> Third, I have searched and searched for the time frame that the seventh season covered from the introduction of the potentials into Buffy's house, but haven't found a single bit of information. There's no way all of it took as long as it took to air, so I just guesstimated and assumed it was only around three to four months at most. I do remember that Christmas happened. So, I'm putting this to start around February or March. That seemed pretty logical considering the amount of things that didn't happen. I kinda also messed around the timeline from when she broke it off with Spike since a few things gave indication that it was longer than three months before 7th season started. (Buffy's hair length for one!)
> 
> Fourth, I borrowed some slayers that were listed on the Buffyverse Wiki fandom "Slayer timeline" that were from the past, some comics, some stories, both canonical and non-canon, but I've either changed their stories or just expanded upon them to suit my needs. I did a LOT of historical research for the past slayers that are in this. This doesn't mean that everything is even remotely accurate. It's all just another approximation and writers prerogative to add or create details. You know how that is…lol. 
> 
> Last (for now), I want to thank the WONDERFUL and AWESOME Skyson for all of the help she's given me! She's been a complete lifesaver when it comes to this story and she even helped by donating a few lines of the story that were better then what I originally had written! Seriously, if you like Buffy/Giles fic, I HIGHLY recommend you read hers!

~@~

Buffy sat up suddenly in bed, her hand covering her mouth as she rushed to the bathroom and threw the door open. The moment she got near the toilet, she gagged and fell to her knees, suddenly throwing up. She closed her eyes as everything she had her stomach emptied, which granted, wasn't much, into the white porcelain bowl. The moment her gagging stopped, she wiped her mouth with a thin square of toilet paper and quickly flushed the toilet.

She sighed as she got up, steadying herself against the bathroom wall when the light headedness struck, as it always seemed to do when she stood up too fast these days. She was getting really tired of this happening. She'd been dealing with this stomach bug for nearly a month, since before they'd even left the crater that had once been Sunnydale, and nothing seemed to be helping it.

Back in Sunnydale, she'd just attributed it to the stress they'd had because of the First and the coming battle. However as the weeks passed by, she had to admit that it couldn't be stress anymore. Things had calmed down too fast and she was no longer anxious and tense every moment, like she had been in Sunnydale.

The strange part was that she didn't always feel nauseous. At times, she felt perfectly fine, maybe even healthier than normal. Nevertheless, just when she thought she might be getting better she would suddenly find herself crouched over the toilet bowl and throwing up again. The best she could hope for is that she hadn't woken Dawn this morning.

"Again?" Dawn said suddenly from the doorway, making Buffy jump as she shakily made her way over to the sink to brush her teeth.

< _There went that hope…_ >

"Don't you think it might be time to go see a doctor Buffy? Stomach bugs don't last this long. Maybe something else is wrong?" The worry in Dawns voice was practically palpable, just as it was every time she found Buffy in this situation.

Buffy shook her head.

"I'm fine Dawn. It'll go away." She said before shoving her toothbrush in her mouth. It was the same thing she'd told Dawn every time she found Buffy throwing up. Thankfully, it had only been a few instances, such as when it happened right as she woke up or right before bed. Buffy had managed to hide it the majority of the rest of times, either because Dawn was in class or she, herself, was at work.

Dawn sighed behind her. "You know, I was talking to Janice the other night and she said her oldest sister has been throwing up nonstop because she's pregnant. If I didn't know better, I'd say the same thing about you."

Buffy snorted and rolled her eyes, nearly choking on her toothbrush in the process. She leant down and spit in the sink before turning towards Dawn. "We both know that's pretty much impossible after everything that's happened over the past few months."

"How am I supposed to know that? It's not like I keep track of _your_ sex life. Last person I remember anyone talking about you having sex was when it was with Spike. Besides the fact that he's a vampire, it was also almost a year ago. I'm just suggesting that if you've had sex with anyone in the past few months that you haven't told anyone about, then you should probably take a test!" Dawn huffed as she turned and stalked back towards her room, slamming the door behind her.

The moment Dawn left, Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was paler than it used to be, her cheeks drawn in. She had dark circles under her eyes. < _If Willow saw me right now, she'd kill me…_ >

Dawn was getting frustrated with her, she knew that. The irony of the situation hadn't exactly escaped her notice. Problem was, she also knew for a fact she couldn't be pregnant. The last person she had sex with was Spike and, barring anything freaky and pretty much impossible, she couldn't have gotten pregnant from him anyway. Besides Dawn was right, it's been almost a year since her last time with Spike. So yep, pregnancy not even a remote possibility.

< _For that to happen you do have to have sex, something that's been severely lacking in my life for a **very** long time._>

With that likelihood off the table, Buffy just kept coming back to a stomach bug. She didn't need to see a doctor over something so simple. Whatever bug she had, she knew they'd just tell her to go home, get some bed rest, and drink lots of fluids. She'd been doing all of that already and didn't think she needed some random doctor to look at her and reiterate what she already knew. Besides, the last thing Buffy wanted to do right now was visit a doctor. After all that time spent in the hospital with her mother, and then getting shot by Warren, it was the last place she wanted to be.

<W _ell second to last..._ > she thought suddenly with a tinge of frustration.

The **last** place she wanted to be right now was anywhere near or around Giles. The fact that he had plotted with Robin to kill Spike wasn't even the issue, despite the fact that Spike had been the one to save them all. She was still hurt because of the way he had treated her. Over the past few weeks, whilst ruminating over what had happened, she had found herself getting even more and more pissed off. All she could think of was the excuses he'd been giving her since she came back from the dead.

First he left her alone, essentially telling her she needed to grow up and take care of herself and Dawn. Then, after she learns how to become the adult he claimed he wanted her to be, he comes back and treats her like a child! It was like he didn't even remember that he'd left her and told her to stand on her own two feet. No, instead he goes 'patrolling' with her, all the while keeping her distracted, while Robin tries to kill Spike for 'her own good _._ '

He may have well just offered her a cookie and patted her on the head. He'd essentially treated her like a toddler in a doctor's office! < _After all, isn't that how they make sure the kid's not paying attention when the big needle comes into view? They give them a goddamn sucker just to keep them from looking!_ >

Buffy grumbled, aggravated that her thoughts had turned towards Giles again. It seemed like she thought of him at least twenty times a day anymore and every single time it brought forth two emotions; uncontrollable anger and a heart-wrenching longing to see him. The anger was easy. She'd been dealing with that since the night she'd closed the door in his face. It was the longing that bothered her. She craved to see his face, to see him give her one of those smiles that he saved just for her, his slayer. After that, she'd remember the hugs he used to give her, tight and soft at the same time, as if he'd never wanted to let her go.

Shaking off her frustration, she looked around and realized she was still standing in the bathroom, propped with her hip against the counter. She shook her head and walked towards her own room. If she didn't get a hurry on herself, not only would she be late for work, but Dawn would be late for school as well.

< _Not that Dawn would mind._ > Dawn's number one complaint these days was the fact that she didn't want to go to school in Rome. Actually, her number one complaint was that she didn't even want to be in Rome. School was her second complaint. Buffy refused to listen to Dawn's objections about the situation. < _She'll get over it. Just gotta give her time to come to grips with our current situation. Though, at this point, I'm starting to wonder if she's **ever** gonna let up and stop whining at me._>

Buffy remembered when they'd moved to Sunnydale because of her parents' divorce. < _Not because I'd burnt down the school gym!_ > She'd complained nonstop about it to her mother back then as well. It's what teenagers did. Despite the fact that she wouldn't have been able to go back to Hemery High, she'd wanted, had insisted, that she needed to stay in LA. At the time, it was where everything she'd knew and loved was at. However, if they hadn't moved to Sunnydale she wouldn't have all the people in her life that she did now. Her family, as it were, Willow, Xander, and Giles...

"Damn it!" Buffy said, frustrated at the fact the he'd come to mind, again.

Buffy hurriedly shoved her thoughts aside and rushed around, finishing her morning routine, and rushing out the door with Dawn in tow. They'd stop for something to eat for breakfast on the way.

~@~

Dawn sighed as Buffy dropped her off at school. It was the only American school in Rome and she hated it with a passion. Not only did she not have any friends there, but the girls that were there were stuck up snobs. They all felt that since they lived in Rome then that made them hot shit.

< _Yeah. They need to drop the 'hot' part of that_.> She thought viciously. She hated Rome, she hated her school, and she missed their family.

And she especially missed Giles.

The only problem was the fact that Buffy refused to even let her talk about Giles. Every time she mentioned his name, Buffy got this look on her face that made Dawn want to scream. She had no real idea what had happened between them, but she couldn't understand why they hadn't gotten over it yet. Typically, when the people in their family fought, they stayed mad at each other for a couple of weeks and then started talking again. It was always a tad strained, but they eventually got over it and, within a few more weeks, they would begin acting normal towards each other again. Yet, for some reason, this time Buffy and Giles were completely torn apart. And because of that fact, Dawn was now apart from all of them and made to suffer in Italy of all places.

Dawn scowled as she made her way to her classroom. She hated staying in one room all day. She missed being able to move from one class to another. At least then it gave a change of pace and scenery. But now she was stuck in a school that kept her hostage in one room all day, excepting when it came to PE, and played musical teachers. It was **so** boring. It was also impossible to make friends if she was stuck with the same ten people day in and day out. She missed classes that had twenty to thirty other kids. At least then she'd been able to make some friends. Now it was just six girls besides herself, all of whom were stuck up, and three guys who were too shy to even look up from their desks, much less talk to any of the girls in class.

She had to get Buffy to understand just how miserable she was. If only Buffy would get over her 'stomach' bug, something that Dawn was seriously beginning to question, maybe she'd really listen to her when she explained how much she wanted to go to another place, any place... as long as it was closer to England. The Council had a ton of branches all over the place. Why couldn't they go to somewhere else? She'd be ecstatic if it was England itself, but with the way Buffy was acting right now, she knew that her sister would rebel about being that close to Giles. Dawn would've loved Paris. Not only had she always wanted to go there, but at least then she'd be close enough to visit with Giles and Willow. As it was right now, she had to take a flight to England and Buffy refused to allow her on a plane alone. However, Paris was only a couple of hours away by train. If they lived there, she could take a train, which was way cheaper, and be there within the same amount of time.

Dawn got to her classroom and slammed her bag on top of her desk making everyone in the room jump. She smirked as she looked down and began to pull out her books. < _Nice to finally get a reaction out of you idiots!_ > she thought snidely.

It wasn't until she was sitting down that she noticed a new girl in the class. The girl was staring at her oddly, Dawn looked at her for a moment and then turned away, staring out the window. Time to get through, yet _another,_ boring school day.

~@~

Later that afternoon, Buffy swung by a grocery store. If she waited another day, they'd be out of both milk and cereal. Considering the fact that cereal was all that Dawn would eat in the mornings, it would be a bad thing if they ran out. She was distractedly walking down an aisle when she realized exactly where she was in the store and saw pregnancy tests in front of her. She knew for a fact that she wasn't pregnant, but she could tell that Dawn was suspicious. Buffy grabbed one of the tests and threw it in her basket. At least if she took the test and showed it to Dawn then she could prove that it was all in Dawn's head.

After checking out and heading home, she put everything away and then grabbed the box with the pregnancy test and laughed. The one she'd grabbed was a multi pack. Ironically enough, the damn box had three tests in it. No wonder it had rung up higher than she'd expected.

< _Oh well, I guess I can save the other two for later. Though at this rate they'll probably never get used._ >

~@~

An hour later, Dawn came home.

"I'm home. Are you here Buffy?"

When she didn't get an answer, she walked towards her bedroom. It was getting dark so at first she didn't see Buffy sitting on the couch in the living room. She was practically curled in herself and she was paler than Dawn had seen her in a long time. Dawn sat down heavily next to her.

"Who died?" Dawn asked quietly. When she heard Dawn's voice Buffy startled as if she hadn't even realized she was even there.

"No one died Dawn." Buffy said softly. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dawn winced when she heard Buffy. She hadn't heard that tone in her voice since just after Giles left them the first time to go back to England. Something was wrong. Something was **very** wrong. Dawn stared at her sister for a moment before getting up and wandering into their little kitchen.

"Can we order something in? You don't look like you could make anything. At least not without hurling again. Maybe you should go lay down for a while? I can call you when the food gets here." Dawn said, trying to keep her voice light. She didn't think Buffy would even notice.

She was right. Buffy nodded distractedly and wandered back towards her room, shutting the door softly behind her. After she closed the door, she walked slowly over to her bureau. Buffy closed her eyes, shook her head and then opened them to look one more time. It hadn't worked the first twenty times she'd tried closing her eyes and waking up, so she figured one more attempt wouldn't matter.

On the bureau were all three pregnancy tests. Every single one showed positive for pregnancy. She let her eyes continue down the line one at a time. On the end were two more tests. Both ones she'd gone out and purchased after the other three gave her the same result. They were most expensive ones she found, more than she ever thought she'd spend on a pregnancy test. But they were almost guaranteed to be 100% accurate. One of them had a plus sign, but it was the other one she focused on... the most expensive of the bunch. It made sense that it had cost so much money considering the digital display. Very clearly, on the front in bold capital letters it read one word.

"PREGNANT"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, I DID research the Clearblue Digital pregnancy test when I realized I wanted her to use one! Turns out the very FIRST version actually came out and was available for purchase in February 2003!


	2. Seems My Life is Gonna Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figured I just go ahead and add the second chapter now...

~@~

Willow approached her apartment unhurriedly. After a very long day working with the local Devon coven for Council business, she was damn near exhausted. They had been getting some strange readings as of late and they were all still trying to figure out what was happening. She was supposed to report to the Council in two days, and they still had no idea what all the warnings were about. The strange thing was that they weren't exactly bad omens. What they were getting was so much in a grey area and it couldn't be translated into anything they could figure out yet.

Right when she got to her door, she heard the phone inside. She fumbled her keys out and unlocked the door, dropping all her packages on the chair next to it before rushing to grab the phone. After she picked it up, she thought for a moment that she was too late. Then, just as she was about to pull the phone away from her ear and hang up, she heard a tiny voice come from the receiver.

"Willow?" The tone of Buffy's voice immediately put her on alert.

"Buffy? What's wrong? Is Dawn okay?"

"I...um, I don't know what's..."

"Please Buffy," Willow said almost desperately, "take a deep breath and tell me what's going on! Is Dawn all right? Are you okay?"

"Um... Dawn's fine. She's okay. I think I... I don't know. I think I need to come... There's _something_ happening..." Buffy trailed off and Willow furrowed her brows worriedly. "I-I have to come see you. Or may-maybe, you could come to me? I don't know…"

"Buffy, you're really starting to worry me! _What_ is going on?"

Willow heard Buffy snort on the other end of the line and then she uttered a laugh that was part crazy, part haunting. "I'm worrying myself Wil. What do you want to do? Should I-I come to y-you? I don't know if I can leave Dawn here alone. She might decide to ditch school. She hates it here…"

Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath before responding to Buffy. "I can come to you, but it wouldn't be for a couple of weeks. There's something going on…" She stopped when Buffy chuckled with that same hauntingly crazy laugh.

"D-don't think that'll work Wil. I need to see you n-now. Hell yesterday would have been better. Of course, yesterday I _wouldn't_ have known..." Buffy trailed off, leaving Willow even more confused for a minute, "I guess I'll h-have to trust Dawn. I don't think this is something that c-can wait."

Willow had never heard Buffy stutter like this. It was almost reminiscent of when Tara had first joined the Scoobies, and that thought alone frightened her more than anything else so far. "So, how are you going to get here?"

"I-I'll see if the Council can get me passage on a flight. I'll let you know w-when to come get me. I'll, uh... I'll send you a text."

Before Willow could ask any more questions, Buffy'd hung up on her without even saying goodbye.

~@~

When Willow went to the airport the next day to pick up Buffy, she was still confused and worried. She was even more troubled when she caught sight of Buffy. She was both white as a sheet and shaky in a way that Willow hadn't seen since they'd brought her back to life. As soon as Willow got within about fifteen feet of her, Buffy dropped her bags and ran to her, throwing her arms around her and burst into tears.

Willow gripped her tight, unsure of how to handle the situation. She'd never seen Buffy like this. In all of the time she'd known her, Buffy had been the strongest and most resilient person she'd ever known. Even when she lost her mother, she'd been steadfast. She knew that her and Dawn had both broken down together at some point, but even that had probably been more about grief. This breakdown was puzzling. It wasn't grief... it wasn't misery, it wasn't even something as simple as pain. The wracking sobs that Buffy was making were so powerful that she had to fight against her own tears from falling.

People were staring at them funny and, for once, Willow couldn't care less. She stood there for nearly fifteen minutes holding her friend as she released some type of burden in her arms.

When at last Buffy's sobs began to taper down, Willow pulled back a little and looked at her. She was a complete wreck. Willow smiled at her friend, as she pulled out some tissues so that Buffy could clean herself up a little bit.

< _Thank you Giles_ > she thought amusedly whilst Buffy took care of herself. His habit of carrying a handkerchief had rubbed off on her making her always have the tissues with her.

After Buffy was done, she handed the small package back to Willow and turned away, going to pick up the bags she'd dropped. This time when she turned back towards Willow, she saw determination and puzzlement. But thankfully, Willow didn't see the heart-wrenching panic on her face anymore. It was as if her crying jag had expelled those emotions in every way she needed them to.

Buffy was quiet as they made their way towards Willows car and got in. The moment after they closed doors, she heard Buffy whisper to her.

"I'm pregnant."

~@~

After Willow had gotten them back to her apartment, she pushed Buffy down onto her sofa and poured a small glass of brandy and shoved it into Buffy's hand. She saw her friend was about protest and she waved her hand over the glass, muttering an incantation.

"It's safe. It won't hurt the baby. Drink it. Now."

Buffy swallowed the liquid quickly, grimacing at the taste. After her disastrous history with both beer and Vodka, she'd never been all that fond of alcohol. She could do a glass of wine now and then, sometimes even a light beer, but the heavy stuff always made her wince. Especially with the burn it gave her throat when she swallowed it. It did hit her veins quickly though, loosening her muscles.

After Buffy had relaxed back, she closed her eyes for moment before opening them to see Willow sitting on the coffee table right in front of her. She jumped and pulled back slightly, but looked her friend directly in her eyes.

"Buffy, please don't be mad at me but, I _have_ to ask... weren't you careful?" Willow asked her softly.

Buffy laughed sardonically, she couldn't help it. When Willow looked at her strangely, she just started laughing even more hysterically. It felt so good to express that emotion that she continued laughing.

After a few minutes, her hysteria finally settled down and her laughter tapered off, for a moment. However, when she looked at Willow again, she gave a few last hysterical giggles, before it cut off completely and she cleared her throat.

"Well, I would have been careful..." Buffy said acerbically as she tried to figure out how to phrase her next statement, "I would definitely have been careful, had I _actually_ done the deed to get this way."

Willow tilted her head questioningly. "I don't get what you mean. Had you actually done the deed?"

Buffy snorted. "Had _sex_ Willow. I would have been extremely careful, just as I've always been, if I'd had sex. Problem is... I haven't been with anyone since Spike last year."

Willow scrunched up her nose, her confusion extremely evident on her face now. "But how are you... how did you..."

Buffy fought against the urge to giggle hysterically again and just barely managed to rein it in after a few chuckles slipped out. "Yeah Wil... do that about a thousand more times and you'll be right where I'm at. Well, not _right_ where I'm at, but at least a tiny bit closer."

Willow jumped up and went pour herself her own glass of brandy, gulping it as quickly as Buffy had. She turned back towards Buffy for a second, before pouring another glass, this time sipping from it slowly.

"Geez, Wil, when did you become such a big drinker?" she joked haltingly and halfheartedly.

"Buffy are you sure? I mean you didn't just wake up and decided that since you'd missed a period you'd automatically jump to immaculate conception…"

"I haven't been paying much attention to my periods. For some reason, it just slipped my mind entirely. _This_ is why." Buffy reached into her bag that was sitting on the floor next to her and pulled out a small ziplock container. She took each test and laid it out on Willow's coffee table. Ending with the one that was still showing the word "PREGNANT" on it, though it was a tiny bit dimmer than it was when she first saw it a few days prior.

When Willow saw the array, she started to ask about why Buffy had bought them. Before she could even get the question out, Buffy quickly explained everything, from her (now that she was aware) morning sickness, to her idea of dissuading Dawn of the notion that she was pregnant, only to end up with proof of the exact opposite.

When Buffy sat back after her long explanation Willow tilted her head. "So, you haven't gone to a doctor about this, have you?"

Buffy snorted... again. "I think I have all the evidence I need, don't you?" she said sarcastically as she waved her hand indicating the tests laid out.

Willow stepped over to her sideboard and quickly picked up her phone. "I'm making you an emergency appointment with my Council OBGYN. I think it's probably best to, not only find out if it's _really_ true, but to also make certain that it's not just a bunch of false positives, or an indication that there might be something else wrong with you... health wise."

Buffy snorted, looking on the edge of her hysterical giggles making another appearance. "Yeah Wil, five tests that just happen to all say the _exact_ same thing. All of them defective? I think _not_."

~@~

As both Buffy and Willow left the Council doctor's office, they were completely speechless. When the doctor had asked her when she'd last been sexually active, she'd had to be honest and say she wasn't sure.

They too had gotten a positive pregnancy result.

When Buffy asked how far along she was, the doctor had both, requested an ultrasound machine, and done a quick examination. At first Willow had begun to pull away when the doctor put her into the stirrups, but Buffy had grabbed her hand, begging her silently not to leave her.

Even after taking five tests, now six, and hearing the doctor inform her she was pregnant after her exam, she still hadn't believed it herself. Then the doctor had pulled up the ultrasound machine. The moment that both Willow and she heard the very faint heartbeat for the first time and had seen the baby on screen, she finally had to accept that she really **was** pregnant.

The doctor had studied the image and estimated her to be anywhere from five to six weeks along. He'd quickly written out information, a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and handed her some instructions for a healthy pregnancy, before sending them on their way.

Once they got into the car, Buffy finally broke the silence. "I need your help Wil. Is there any way to find out what I'm carrying? Is it a baby? Is it _dangerous_?" Buffy took a deep breath before continuing. "I _really_ need to know how this happened Willow. Please…"

Without saying a word back, Willow pulled out her cellphone and quickly dialed a number. Buffy heard someone answer the phone.

"Hey Adrian, I need..." Willow stopped when the person on the other line interrupted her. "They have? Really? So, this is what the signs were… Okay, I'll... Wait, wait... will _everyone_ be there?" Willow turned to look at Buffy her eyebrows furrowed in confusion again, but also a tad worried. "Apparently so. I guess we'll get ready then. I'll - we'll see you in a few hours."

Willow closed her phone and started the car, shifting it into gear as she spoke. "They've... we've been getting signs of something for the past few weeks. Apparently, since the moment you got close enough to the coven for them to sense it, the signs have cleared up a bit and they were able to get the taste of some sort of ancient magicks in the works. They still weren't able to find out what was happening because when they cast to see the source of it, it was shrouded. But Althenea, one of our seers, was able to get one thing... your face." She paused glancing towards Buffy again before quickly turning back to the road. "They want us both at the covenstead tonight to see if they can find out what's going on."

Buffy perked up, smiling beatifically at Willow. She felt almost ecstatic. After all the stress she'd had over the past three days, Buffy knew that she was _finally_ going to find out how the hell this was happening. Just as she was about to say thanks to her friend, her hand flew to her mouth, covering it quickly. "Willow, pull over. _Now_!"

The moment that Willow stopped the car, Buffy surged from it, fell onto her hands and knees and threw up. When she sat back up, wiping her mouth, Willow reached out, offering her a stick of gum. She grabbed it, took one look at it and burst into tears... again.

"It's okay Buffy, I _promise_ we're gonna figure out what's going on." Willow said assuringly, placing her hand on Buffy's shoulder. The action was so reminiscent of the way that Giles always comforted her that her tears started rolling even faster down her cheeks.

At that very moment, Buffy missed Giles's more than every time she'd thought of him over the past month combined. More than she ever thought was possible. All she could think about was the way his strength had always helped her through things like this... had always made her feel safe no matter what the circumstances were surrounding her.

Now though? When things mattered more than anything she'd ever dealt with, including coming back from the dead, she couldn't, no she _wouldn't,_ go to him! He'd made his choice. He no longer had any right to know what was going on in her life. It didn't matter that she wanted, practically needed, to see him. It didn't matter that she knew he'd be able to tell the moment he saw her that she was keeping something secret or that something was wrong, just as he had always done.

Willow watched her out of the corner of her eye as Buffy's tears dried up suddenly and she got a very resolute look on her face to replace it.

She was worried.

She'd never seen Buffy so out of whack emotionally. Not only was Buffy not the type to just randomly start crying, but she nearly always just stayed stonily silent when she was miserable. Whenever Buffy met with a challenge, she'd always faced it head on... even when she didn't want to. Just as Buffy turned towards her with another smile, this one a little more forced than the last, Willow was starting to realize that there was an actual reason for Buffy's emotions running amok. < _Good goddess,_ s _he really **is** pregnant!_>

Willow was loathe to admit, but she really didn't want to see what Buffy was going to be like when those pregnancy hormones started affecting her fully. As of right now, she wasn't far enough along to really be all that different. < _Except for maybe a few rollercoaster emotional jags_ > she thought hastily as Buffy suddenly frowned and turned towards the window, staring out into the now darkening sky.

Willow thought about the pregnancy for a minute, her attention focused on driving, but her mind running ragged with the possibilities of what this meant. She wanted to know why she herself hadn't felt the magic behind the pregnancy. Was she losing her magical senses? How was it that she hadn't taken one look at Buffy and known exactly what was in play?

After another moment of speculation, Willow exhaled a relieved sigh, turning onto her street. More than likely, Buffy wouldn't want to stay pregnant. Had it been herself under the circumstances she certainly wouldn't have wanted to continue the pregnancy. It occurred to her that she might never have to see Buffy in the full hormone explosion. There was a chance that Buffy wouldn't want to keep a mystical pregnancy active. After everything that had happened over the past few months, there was probably no way she would allow this to come to term. Especially if they found out that whatever she was carrying wasn't human.

Though, from what she knew and what the doctor had told them, it was a perfectly normal pregnancy... barring how it had really come about.

~@~

Willow had a slight déjà vu when they got to her front door and the phone was, once again, ringing inside her apartment. If Buffy hadn't been hovering over her shoulder, she would've almost thought she had dreamed everything that had happened that day.

She opened the door, again running to the phone and answering it just as it was about to click over to the machine.

"Willow," Dawn's voice was coated in worry, "is Buffy there? She said she'd call me when she got in and I haven't heard from her."

"Yeah, hold on Dawnie, she's right here."

Buffy rushed over to the phone grabbing the cradle from her and putting it to her ear. "Oh god Dawn, I'm _so_ sorry! When I got here, we had to go out and run an errand. Just after we left, I realized my cell phone was dead. I meant to call but..."

Willow turned away, hearing Buffy softly reassuring Dawn behind her.

< _If she does keep the pregnancy, at least I know she'll make an awesome mom_ > she thought with a small smile on her face.

She made her way over to her couch and looked at the pregnancy tests that were still sitting on her coffee table. After thinking about it for a few seconds, she suddenly closed her eyes and shook her head.

Now that she was able to focus entirely on her thoughts, she knew that there was no way that Buffy was going to end this pregnancy. That is, if it was an actual baby inside of her and not some type of hellspawn. It didn't matter how the pregnancy had come about, Buffy would want this baby. She had to. After thinking for the last eight years of her life that she wasn't ever going to have the things that other women could, she was now given what she probably saw as a gift. She could have a family. It might not be the white picket fence that most people dreamed of, but if there was a chance to have one normal thing in her life, Willow knew that she would grab onto it.

Even if it had come about magically.

~@~

When Giles picked up his phone, he was a little surprised to hear Willow on the other end of the line. They had a meeting that night at the covenstead and he was going to see her soon, so he had no idea why she would be calling before then.

"Um, Giles, I need to know if you can skip the meeting tonight? There's something going on that I'm not exactly sure you should... um... they don't want you to know about quite yet."

Giles tilted his head in confusion, despite the fact that she couldn't see him.

As much as he hadn't wanted to, he himself was also, once again, practicing magic. After dealing with Willow and her darkness, he'd gotten a taste for it when the coven had lent him the power to stop her. He'd been almost scared at first, fearing that his own darkness would come out if he went back into that fold. However, the Devon coven had known about his past. The main difference was that instead of the dark magicks that he been so proficient at when he was younger, he spent his time more on protection and defensive magicks. He even had a few healing practices that would help out in the field. Those were things that would help the slayers out. They'd keep them safer and maybe help them live longer than the single slayers in the past used to.

It did help that there were more slayers found every single day, though he wasn't happy about a few of them. One of the girls had only been eight years old when they'd found her. **Eight**. Christ, he _still_ couldn't believe it. Despite the fact that she shouldn't have activated and reached her power until she was at least close to, or in her teens, it had happened anyway.

Giles shook his thoughts away quickly then took off his glasses and set them on his desk. He leant back in his chair, an almost amused smile on his face.

"Willow, that didn't exactly sound very convincing... or even remotely like something Adrian, Miss Hartness, or any of the others would request."

He heard Willow snort on the other end of the phone before she held back any further noises that might make him wonder. He heard her talk away from the receiver, telling someone she told them so, before she came back. "Sorry, you're right. They aren't the one who are asking this of you. _I_ am." A noise of something breaking came through willows phone. "Damn… Hold on a second."

Just as Giles was about to ask her for more information he could've sworn he heard Buffy's voice apologizing somewhere in the background from Willow's end. Before he could even wonder about it, Willow came back on the line. "Giles, please. I'm asking this of you as a friend. Please, _please_ , can you skip the meeting tonight?"

Hearing what he thought was Buffy's voice had totally thrown him out of sorts. < _If it even **was** her voice_> he thought sardonically, < _After all, it's not like you haven't been craving to hear it since she abandoned the rest of us and moved to Rome!_ >

Giles knew he wasn't being fair. She had her reasons for leaving the group. She was one of the longest living slayers that they had in recorded history. She'd saved the world at least nine times. She deserved to be in a place where she could relax and not have to worry about the things that the rest of the slayers were handling. She deserved a somewhat normal life, or at least as much of one that was possible for a slayer.

The problem was that she hadn't done all of that by herself. Even when she didn't have him, she'd at least had Willow and Xander. Now it was just her and Dawn, alone in a foreign country, where neither of them even spoke the language. She wasn't just trying to live a normal life. She was avoiding him and in the process, isolating both herself and Dawn.

What rankled him even more than the abandonment was that she still wouldn't talk to him. As soon as they'd escaped from Sunnydale, she'd avoided even looking at him. Dawn called and spoke to him often, but she always said Buffy was never around when it happened. He couldn't believe she was still upset over the whole Wood and Spike debacle. Even though Spike had made it out of Wood's place a little beat up, he'd survived. Hell, the fact that Wood had helped deactivate Spike's trigger should have at least counted for something! Ironically, Spike had bloody well killed himself and the whole point was moot now anyway. It had to be something else. He just wasn't sure what right now.

He couldn't understand why she still wasn't speaking to him. It wasn't the first time they'd had an argument like that. It wasn't even as bad as when Angel had come back from hell and she hadn't told him. He'd managed to forgive her. So why couldn't she, at the very least, afford him the same curtsey?

After a little longer, his thoughts running rampant, Giles finally answered her. "I don't know Willow. Why do you need me to stay out of it? Exactly _what_ is going on? Don't you think that they'd need everyone for whatever it is that's happening tonight? I suppose I could see if I can just offer my power but..." Before he could finish a beeping interrupted him indicating he had a call on his other line.

"Thanks Giles. I'll call you later to explain... that is, um, if I can." She hung up, despite the fact that he hadn't truly agreed to anything.

Giles sat for a second in silence until he heard the beeping again and switched over to his other line, answering it. "Hello?"

"Hello Rupert dear, this is Miss Hartness. I'm calling because we'd like to ask for you to stay away from the covenstead tonight _._ " Giles startled, his eyes opening wide.

While he'd thought it was odd that Willow would request it, it was absolutely _unparalleled_ for Miss Hartness to call and request it herself. He knew it had to be something important. It was definitely something a bit dodgy. He just couldn't figure out what it was that they were trying to hide from him.

"Certainly. Did you want me to lend my power to the group from here?"

"Not tonight dear. I know you'll have some personal Council business to take care of so why don't you go ahead and do that." She said quickly, a hint of laughter in her voice.

Before he could ask her what she meant by that, he heard the soft click of the phone on her end. A moment later, his phone rang, again.

He grabbed the cradle, yanking it to his ear. "Bloody hell! _What_?"

"I-I'm sorry Mr. G-Giles," Andrews voice said somewhat timidly, "I-I didn't want to disturb you but _Amber_ is missing. We need to know if you can help us find her. Willow said earlier that you'd be available tonight to cover. When she heard what happened, she sent me a text recommending we do a locator spell. I would've tried it myself, but you know that my spells are sometimes worse than the problem." Andrew's voice took on a tremulous quality. "I, um, know you don't want a repeat of the frog incident, right?"

Giles' mind completely focused on the fact that Amber was missing. He barely heard a word after Andrew had said that sentence, wholly missing Andrew's question without realizing it. "Amber? Amber is _missing_?" Panic slammed through him. Amber was the eight year old slayer whom they'd found only last week. "When did you, or _anyone,_ last see her?"

"No one's really sure. You gave her that earlier bedtime because of her age, you know, and when someone went to tuck her in, they couldn't find her. We don't exactly have her on a firm schedule yet..."

"I'm on my way. While you're waiting for me, have _everyone_ look for her. There could be... must be places that she's already found to hide in the past week."

Without saying goodbye, Giles slammed down his phone, grabbed his keys and took off out the door. His thoughts and questions about what was happening with the coven that night were completely obliterated from his mind.


	3. Lies Get Tossed and Truth is Spoken

~@~

When Buffy walked into the covenstead clearing that night there were several witches and warlocks roaming around. Three of them stopped and stared at her, one of them tilting his head in a way that made her highly uncomfortable. She flinched, a little disturbed and started to try to hide behind Willow, only to realize her friend wasn't behind her, much less even close to her.

Feeling slightly panicked, she turned searching out for the red head. She saw her standing behind her about fifteen paces away, her eyes surprised and pleased as she looked at one of the witches that had been in discussion with the warlock who had tilted his head at her.

Buffy, grateful for the distraction, was delighted to see Willow's interest in another woman. A new one at that. After they'd destroyed Sunnydale, Kennedy had fought with Willow about wanting to stay in England. Kennedy had insisted that her job as a slayer was more important than Willow's work with the coven and Council. After a long conversation with Buffy, Willow had finally realized that the girl was still too immature to understand what adult relationships were about. Subsequently, Buffy had to listen to Willow over the phone several times for the next week, talking about how she might have made a mistake and should have just been more patient with Kennedy.

Each time, Buffy would roll her eyes and remind her that, if she truly wanted to be with Kennedy, she could. All she'd have to do is move to South America and accept that her role there would essentially be playing chaperone to the group of teenage slayers there. Buffy would then ask if Willow to ask herself which she wanted to be... a powerful good witch who helps out with the Council and makes all slayers lives safer, or a nanny to a chosen few.

While Buffy watched them smile across from one another, she realized that it had been a few weeks since she given that particular speech to Willow. She was even happier since she couldn't understand why Willow would want to seriously date a fifteen year old. Sure, she was a slayer, but Kennedy was essentially still a child in many ways, just as she herself had been at that age. When Buffy really thought about it, her immaturity had lasted well into college. She'd only started to really grow up when her mom got sick.

Buffy, grateful for the distraction, watched as the witch across the way pulled herself gracefully out of the conversation she was having with the warlock who was still staring at Buffy, and then, just as gracefully, made her way over to Willow. From what Buffy could tell, she was quite pretty with long wavy pitch black hair. When she got closer into the firelight, Buffy could see soft silver streaks throughout her hair. And when she looked up at Willow, Buffy noticed that her eyes were some of the bluest she had ever seen in her life. Buffy wasn't even remotely gay, but she could see exactly why Willow would be attracted to the other woman. She also had some type of power around her...

While Buffy had been watching the two women, she didn't realize that several of the coven were still studying her at the same time. Whereas she was distracted, the warlock who had been chatting with Willow's love interest was still studying her, his attention span nowhere else. He made his way over to her quietly. She jumped when she heard his voice right behind her.

"I see congratulations are in order." His voice was nearly as quiet as his movement, but she could still hear him clearly.

"Um... I'm not sure I'm going to..." Buffy couldn't exactly explain to this man what was going through her mind. She still didn't know anything about the pregnancy and for someone to congratulate her, made it stand out even further that she wasn't sure what she was carrying was even human.

He placed his hand softly on her arm and smiled lightly at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you. My name is Adrian Collins. I have co-leadership of the coven with Miss Hartness." He nodded his towards an older woman to indicate who he was talking about.

Adrian led her over to a bench that had been made out of the trunk of a tree and bade her to sit down. Not sure why she was comfortable with it, she still followed him and perched on the edge of the seat. He could obviously tell she was about to bolt away if she needed to and she heard him chuckle lightly as he sat down across from her.

"I take it you're worried that the baby isn't human?" Buffy nodded at his question, her eyes suddenly starting to prick with tears. For some reason, despite the fact that she had no idea how this had happened, now that she'd heard it's heartbeat, now that she'd seen it on a monitor, she wanted this baby. She wanted it desperately, wholeheartedly, and unequivocally. But she also realized one certain truth. If the baby wasn't human, she couldn't possibly stay pregnant. She wouldn't even dare to.

Adrian caught her eyes and smiled at her. If she hadn't known better, she could've sworn he was reading her mind. When he shook his head, she was almost certain of it. She heard him chuckle again before he leant over and told her "Not your mind dear. Your aura. Sometimes it is just like reading someone's mind though. Especially when it's broadcasting the way yours is reacting to everything around you right now."

Before she could stop herself, she laughed and finally sat back, covering her face in embarrassment. She pulled her hands away from her face to see him smiling gently at her. "I can't tell you how you became pregnant, though that is one of the reasons you're here tonight, but I can tell you this. The baby, or possibly babies, are most definitely human."

Buffy couldn't help herself, she burst into relieved tears. It took her a moment before she really comprehended his specific words though. "Babies?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I really can't tell if it's a single baby or two. It's completely frustrating when I can't see something like that. For some reason it's completely covered over. If I try to push through it, it's sort of like trying to force your way through a brick wall with cotton wool... essentially not possible." He looked directly at her again, "Though you should really focus on the fact that you get to be a mother. The result of the pregnancy is human. Not a single shred of demon or otherworldly speck in it besides the way it came about. And I do believe that is why Willow is on her way over to gather us up now..."

Sure enough, when Buffy looked over she could see Willow walking towards her, animatedly talking to the same witch who'd approached her earlier.

"Sorry Buffy. I didn't mean to abandon you. I um... I want you to meet my friend Danique." Buffy smiled, standing and offering up her hand to shake.

The dark haired woman shook her head and placed her hand on Willow's arm before reaching out to take Buffy's in her own. "Please, just call me Dani. If my brother overhears someone calling me by my full name I'll never hear the end of it."

When Buffy raised her eyebrow in question, Dani gestured over to one of the warlocks who was obviously waiting for them to come over to the rest of the group. "That's my brother Deacon, as if you couldn't tell." Buffy saw exactly what she was talking about when she caught sight of him. He had the same jet black hair and blue eyes that Dani did.

"Shall we go over?" Dani said with a slight smile.

Buffy, who had just realized she had no real idea why Willow had brought her along, just nodded along. When she got over to the group, she noticed there were twelve people and they were all standing in a circle. Adrian walked over and pointed out a small circle for her to stand in. Before she went to the spot, she decided it was high time to try to find out why she was really there and what exactly it was that they were planning on doing to her. Adrian, obviously still reading her aura, smiled and spoke loud enough for the entire group to hear.

"We've come tonight to try to see if we can get answers as to why this slayer, Buffy Summers, has become pregnant by mystical means. The signs we've been receiving for several weeks now have all indicated that something unparalleled was happening due to an ancient magic that we can find no source of. The only thing we do know is that it has to do with the slayer line." Adrian smiled softly at her again before continuing, "Buffy Summers, will you consent to allowing us to try to find the source of this magic and what part it is to play in the coming future? Will you consent to allow us to try to trace the magicks back to where it first began?"

Buffy nodded, her throat closed up slightly. She suddenly remembered that the majority of the time when this type of witchcraft was involved, he probably wanted or needed a spoken answer. Her voice croaked out around her nervous dry mouth. "Yes, I... um... I consent."

"Please Miss Summers, take a seat in the marked out circle and close your eyes."

Buffy moved into the circle, sitting down and crossing her legs before closing her eyes. After a brief minute, she felt her body pull tight as, what she could only describe as her spirit, drifted away. After what felt like forever, she suddenly found herself sitting in a room. She opened her eyes and almost felt like she was going to faint, which was an entirely odd sensation considering she couldn't even feel her body.

Sitting in front of her was Giles. After not seeing him in so very long, all should do was stare at him, soaking up his presence in the same manner that she would absorb the first rays sunshine as they hit her on a cool summer day. Her heart stuttered as he smiled at her softly in that way that she had _so_ missed. His bright emerald eyes were watching her softly, following her movements. Reaching out, she waited for an indecipherable time until she felt him take her hand, his skin sending tingles up her spine. The moment he gripped it she felt her spirit, once again, take flight. This time however, he was with her.

They landed in a strange city, obviously ancient, perhaps Roman but she wasn't exactly sure. Just as she started to take a closer look around, she felt her spirit yanked back, rushing so fast that everything, even the nothingness that surrounded her, was a blur. She felt as if she should be gasping at the suddenness of being thrust back into her body without any warning, but it was obviously a mental component. The physicality of the situation had nothing to do with it. Before she could even grasp what had happened, her eyes flew open to gaze at the people who had been gathered around her in the circle.

Buffy heard a woman to her left mutter under her breath. The warlock who had been standing in front of her was on his knees, suddenly cursed aloud. "Bloody hell! What the _devil_ was that?"

Buffy turned, looking at each member of the coven one at a time. When her eyes lit on the oldest witch in the circle, she saw concern and puzzlement together. Buffy was still staring at her when she shook her head and softly said, "Oh dear, Rupert _should_ have been here. We should not have asked him to stay away."

Buffy tilted her head in confusion, still uncertain as to why she was saying that. The next words the woman spoke completely floored her.

"It _is,_ after all, his child too."

~@~

After Buffy had gotten back to Willow's, she paced the floor in the living room for a very long time. It had taken all of her effort to try to convince Miss Hartness that Giles couldn't know, at least yet. She herself had to figure out how to tell him. Or if she even was going to tell him. Strangely enough, Miss Hartness had agreed to leave the decision up to her and her alone.

Willow had tried to explain to her what little they had found out, but the majority of it still wasn't accessible. She'd also muttered something under her breath about why she hadn't seen something.

Buffy turned to her, "Wil, what exactly are you mumbling about?"

"I didn't see it!" she said with anger coursing through her voice, "I should've been able to take _one_ look at you and see what was going on. The majority of the coven could sense it the moment you walked into the covenstead, but I couldn't see it! So _why_ didn't _I_?"

"Did you ask Adrian or Miss Hartness if they had any idea why?" Buffy asked her softly.

"Yes! They _both_ said it was because I've known you and Giles for so long that it probably didn't even register to me when I became a witch! ' _These magicks have been around for millenniums, Willow dear._ '" The last was said with a fairly good imitation of Miss Hartness' voice, British accent and everything, but only if she'd been a bit too condescending when she said them, to which Buffy was certain wouldn't happen.

"It just doesn't make sense!" Willow, who had been staring at Buffy while she paced, suddenly flopped down on her couch with her arms crossed. "I'm powerful... even Tara knew that. Hell, the majority of the coven are still a tiny bit scared of me because of my whole 'Dark Willow' catastrophe! It shouldn't matter if I've known you for a _month_ , a _year_ , or even _ten_ _years_."

Buffy, grateful for distraction from her own rampant thoughts, suddenly sniggered. Willow looked at her strangely for a minute, causing Buffy to laugh even harder. Willow glanced down at herself and suddenly realized she knew exactly why Buffy was so amused. She started giggling as well and looked at Buffy happily.

"Threw a little temper tantrum there, didn't I?" she said through her own giggles.

Buffy nodded, her own laughter getting stronger the longer it went on. " _That_ _was_..." her giggles stopped her from continuing, making her drag in a few deep breaths before she tried to continue.

"It was so..." Buffy, sucked in another breath, "...so _adorable_!" she finally managed to get out around her laughter.

It felt so good to release, what felt like a lifetimes worth of burdens from her shoulders. The weight of everything she carried and that had happened over the last four days, no... the last five months, was unexpectedly gone. Her heart felt open, her mind uncluttered. Buffy tried her damnedest to figure out the last time she'd laughed so hard or even the last time that she'd been even remotely content in the same way.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, it came back to her... and it damn near made her cry. Again.

She remembered the last time she'd felt like this... so happy. It was the day that Giles had appeared in the Magic Box and trapped Dark Willow for a brief while. Her very first thought when she'd seen Giles appear, holding his hand out towards Willow to keep her trapped was; < _Thank god_ > but her second, right on the heels of the first had been; < _Christ that is **sexy as fuck**!_> The way he had come in authoritatively, effortlessly trapping Willow, before looking at her and realizing she'd cut her hair. She'd thrown herself into his arms, gripping him tightly in a hug, trying to get as close as possible to him. In that moment, she felt as if she'd _never_ be able to get close enough to him. She wanted to crawl into his skin and stay with him forever.

She recalled how they had both laughed that day, Giles so open and carefree, herself so amused at the stories about the things that had happened to everyone after he left them... after he'd left her. She remembered the atmosphere of the training room from that night. Remembered the smell of the books and the way the scent of spices always clung to her clothes when she left them there.

< _God, I think I **actually** miss The Magic Box!_> she thought suddenly, her giggles tapering off quickly as a streak of sadness wound its way into her thoughts. < _I miss those days... the ones when we were all there._ _Before everything went to hell in a hand-basket..._ >

After a moment, she realized she was right. Her heart suddenly ached for the days when everyone was still there, Anya with her love of money < _and Xander!_ >. She could also see Xander sitting at the table pretending to research whatever their current big bad was, but really watching Anya, his heart in his eyes. He had _truly_ loved her. Even Buffy had known that.

Tara and Willow were cuddled together at the table thinking no one noticed how their feet were entwining. Tara had been so intuitive. Had she known about the magic surrounding her and Giles? She smiled when she also pictured Dawn, still so very young, trying to pretend she had no interest in whatever they were researching, but still attempting to get a peek at things from the books.

Her heart clenched at the last person from her memories suddenly appeared behind her. Giles, tapping her on the shoulder, motioning her into her < _their_ > training room, with a smile and a shift of his head. God, after what had happened at the covenstead, him appearing right in front of her, reminded her of how much she missed him. She missed everything about him.

Well almost everything. She felt her ire begin to rise when she, once again, remembered their fight. She sometimes wondered if Giles even knew why she was still pissed off. If he had figured it out, wouldn't he have called her and apologized for treating her like a child?

She honestly wasn't sure.

~@~

Willow, watching Buffy, noticed as soon as she stopped laughing, she'd gone into some type of daze. Buffy's expression had gone through several emotions and then settled on melancholy. She seemed a million miles away and Willow knew that Buffy had obviously forgotten she was even there.

Slowly and silently, Willow stood up and walked towards her room, thinking about the things the coven had discovered, which granted, wasn't much. What they had discovered was that it wasn't just the slayer line that was involved. It was also the Watcher bloodline as well.

The problem was that they still couldn't figure out what, or even where, this magic had come from. Willow had made a valid point that since it had to involve both Watcher and slayer, then the Diaries might have some answers. When Buffy had questioned how they were supposed to research them if they'd all been blown up, Willow explained that when Giles took over the Council, he'd discovered that the majority of their books had been kept off site just in case the situation called for it. Which the situation had pretty much called for it when the bulk of the Council buildings blew up. Most of the items they kept in the main buildings had been copies. Sometimes even copies of copies.

As soon as Willow got into her room, she started dialing numbers. The very first one was to Andrew. She knew would answer no matter what time it was or what was going on. He was becoming an excellent Watcher under Giles tutelage.

"What's the emergency?" Willow laughed at his automatic assumption and she could practically hear him relax over the phone. "Oh hey, Willow."

"You guys found Amber right?" Willow had been worried about the little girl but she'd also known Giles, Andrew, and the eight other slayers had it covered.

All of them adored Amber, but, unfortunately, she was also a little scamp. She'd been found months after her parents were murdered by the Harbingers of the First. Somehow, she'd both escaped seeing her parents murdered and the Harbingers themselves. When social services found her, they'd sent her to live with distant relatives who, apparently, hadn't cared enough to instigate rules on her. Granted the people she'd been living with kept her fed and clothed, but without a structured day for an eight year old, Amber had quickly become somewhat reliant on the fact that she could get away with doing a lot of things that weren't exactly healthy for a child of her age. Her newfound strength hadn't exactly been a deterrent when it came to her misbehavior either.

The first time she'd thrown a fit over the bedtime that Giles assigned, she'd sat down and said she wasn't moving. Vi had reached down to pick her up and Amber had grabbed onto a railing that was part of an exercise station in the dormitory they had been assigned. She'd smirked at them as if challenging anyone to move her and obviously thinking that they wouldn't be able to. She was wholly surprised when Vi easily unclasped her hands from the bar and then threw her over her shoulder, heading towards the bedrooms with her. She hadn't really relied on her strength to get her way since then.

No, now it was her pout. Something that Giles seemed particularly weak against, though he tried not to show it.

Giles, specifically, very obviously seemed rather attached to the little girl. Willow herself knew why, considering the little girl had blond hair, green eyes, and expressions that sometimes looked so hauntingly familiar that she'd occasionally wondered if the girl was somehow related to Buffy. Willow, however, wisely kept her mouth shut

"Yeah. She was hiding out in Giles' office, playing on his computer. He has _no_ idea how she managed to get logged on. I think was something he's planning on asking you about when you next come in. Something about strengthening the computer security. Is that the reason you called? You know I would've sent a text. Actually, I already had. You don't check your cellphone often enough. Maybe you should... _"_

Willow, recognizing the signs from her past, quickly realized he was spinning off into rambling territory and interrupted, "Andrew!"

"Sorry. Did you need something else?" he asked a little embarrassingly.

"Yeah, if you don't mind and you could let me get a few words in." She laughed lightly at his sputtering on the other end of the phone before letting her voice get more serious. "Listen, I need you to try to find some Watcher Diaries that deal with a slayer turning up pregnant by mystical means."

"Ohhh, is one of the girls pregnant? Should we try to..."

"No!" Willow said as she rolled her eyes at her own ferocity. < _Perfect! I may as well have just blurted out yes and told him who it is_!>

"Look, I'm just trying to get information for the coven. We've been trying to read into some ancient magicks that might be important. So, please, I need you to do this for me."

Andrew's puzzled voice came back at her, "Wouldn’t Mr. Giles be better at this? Did you want me to ask him?"

Willow shook her head. For such a smart kid, smarter than even he realized, sometimes he could be slightly dense too. "Sorry Andrew. It's not something he can help me with. He's busy enough as it is. Can you please look through what you've got and send me any of the Diaries that you think might be relevant? I'd appreciate it."

"Sure. Give me a few days, maybe a little longer and I'll get you what I can."

"Thanks Andrew. I'll see you soon, I'm sure."

Willow pressed the phone to disconnect the call and dialed her second number.

~@~

Buffy found herself alone in the living room, unsure of exactly when Willow had left for her bedroom. Before she could stop herself, she began pacing back and forth again, her mind back to being a jumble of things that made no sense. As much as she wanted to stick around and get some answers, _any_ answers, she knew she couldn't. She would have to go back to Rome, the sooner the better. She couldn't just leave Dawn there alone and expect her to take care of herself. Dawn was still too young to be alone for any real length of time. She also knew that she was either going to have to make regular trips back to England, or just give in and move them both here. She knew without asking exactly which option Dawn would prefer.

After another practically sleepless night, Buffy managed to get a Council flight back to Rome. When she got there, she found Dawn had another girl over. She walked into the living room to find them talking excitedly about some new movie that had just come out.

< _Of course, she would finally make a friend_ > she thought acerbically, < _It's just in time for us to, more than likely, have to move!_ >

Dawn jumped up the moment she saw her, hugging Buffy tightly. She turned to the girl who was still sitting on their couch and excitedly introduced her as Lissa. Buffy had commented on the uniqueness of her name and she'd explained that it was short for Alessandra. It still seemed like an unusual name to Buffy, but she thought she wasn't exactly one to point it out considering her _own_ name.

Just as Buffy was about to ask when Lissa would be going home, the girl tilted her head in a hauntingly, now familiar, way and smiled towards her.

"Congratulations." Lissa said, her eyes lighting up with amusement. Buffy started, then studied the girl much closer. She was currently looking at Buffy with the same expression that many of the coven members had graced her with.

"I take it you can read auras?" Buffy said wonderingly.

Lissa smiled up at her from her position on the couch. "Yeah. I also have some other things I can do, but I guess it’s a matter of my age."

Dawn looked back and forth between them before excitedly realizing that Lissa was a witch and asking her what seemed like a million questions at once.

Buffy, exhausted from everything that had happened over the past few days and two nearly sleepless nights, smiled at Dawn. "You mind if I go lay down Dawnie? Maybe you can order some food again and, if Lissa wants to stay, we can chat over dinner?"

Dawn nodded enthusiastically. Just as Buffy was almost out of the room, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She turned to Lissa. "Why did you say congratulations to Buffy?"

Buffy froze in the hallway, her eyes closing in resignation. Since she didn't want the poor girl to have to break the news to her sister, she knew she herself had to do it.

"Yeah... uh, Dawn, remember when you suggested that I might be pregnant?" Buffy asked hesitantly, turning back to look at her sister.

Dawn nodded at her with a puzzled look upon her face.

"You were right."

Before Buffy could say anything more, Dawn released a high pitched scream and ran towards her, throwing her arms around her sister. Dawn pulled back after a minute. "Who's the father?"

Buffy winced at the question. "We're going to discuss that at a way later date. Right now, I _really_ need to lay down. I'm exhausted. Let me know when the food gets here please."


	4. The One Who Knew Just What to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From what I can remember, Skyson said that one of her favorite scenes is in this chapter! Hopefully you all enjoy it too!

_~@~_

_Six weeks later..._

Buffy looked around at the nearly empty apartment. She had just finished up packing one of the last boxes and she couldn't wait to sit down. Her back had been aching all day. She was only three months pregnant, but she was already showing. On some level that terrified her. All she could remember was Adrian stating that she could be having twins and she would practically start hyperventilating.

Willow had spent the last month researching as much information as she could. She'd gotten several Watcher Diaries, ones that she said dealt with exactly what was happening to Buffy.

< _And Giles, though he still doesn't know..._ > she thought rather guiltily.

Willow had told Buffy she'd found four specific Diaries and they all had a slayer who handled the same type of mystical pregnancies. All of the Diaries were from the somewhat recent past, within the last century anyway, which Willow found slightly confusing, considering the fact that the coven said the magic in play was cast more than two millennia ago. Willow told her she'd catch Buffy up on some of the more pertinent information once she got to England, but that wasn't going to happen for at least another couple of days.

For the time being, once they got to England, Dawn and she were going to be staying at a hotel until she managed to find a place for them to live there. Willow only had one guest room and there was no way in _hell_ she was sharing a room with her teenage sister.

Especially since her life seemed to suddenly revolve around sexual frustration that had kicked into high gear.

She'd worried about it at first. For the past few weeks, she'd practically drooled over every guy she'd seen. She saw one man who she'd damn near gone up and propositioned right then and there. If she hadn't been shopping with Dawn and Lissa, she might've gotten herself in heaps of trouble.

After that near miss, Buffy had dug out some of the pregnancy books she'd bought and thumbed through the end of the first and beginning of the second trimester, only to find out a passage stating: 'You may experience an increased libido late in the first trimester and all throughout the second.' She'd practically cried when she'd finally comprehended the words. She couldn't believe this was something she was going to have to fight against for another three months, maybe even four!

Lord knows, she really couldn't just go out and jump some guys bones, no matter how much she wanted, hell, needed it. She did wonder for a brief moment if her hormones were on overdrive more than a normal woman's, but she brushed it off. Since they mentioned it in a few of her books, she figured pretty much all women had to go through it.

So no, her and Dawn would not be sharing a room anytime soon. But especially not right now when her sex toys were practically her best friends.

~@~

Ironically, despite the fact that Dawn and Lissa had become very good friends, Dawn was still happy about moving. She was ecstatic about being closer to Giles and Willow, and completely looking forward to Xander's first visit since he tended to go to England more often due to his work with the Council. Lissa, (who apparently had a rather iffy home life from what Dawn had mentioned) had suggested the spend their last night out and about, taking in whatever sights of Rome she and Dawn had missed.

After a couple of hours though, Buffy was more than ready to go home and lie down. Her feet were killing her and she was flat out exhausted. She handed both Dawn and Lissa some money so they could go a few more places, reminded Dawn to be home by eleven, because they had to leave early in the morning, and drove herself home so she could collapse on her bed.

Unfortunately, her mind was still focused on the same thing it had been for the past six weeks... Giles.

Several times over the last few weeks, Willow had asked her if she planned on telling Giles what was going on. Every time Willow asked her that, she thought of another reason why she should wait. The last time she'd told Willow that she didn't want to bother him while he was still overhauling the Council.

Jesus, now the Council...

When Buffy had heard about the new Council set up that Giles had begun implementing, she was truly amazed. The changes he'd made had practically turned everyone, who'd survived the attacks, upside down. Willow had told about the grumbling that had happened with his very first reform he passed down.

The new policy stated that, if a Slayer reached twenty years old, then they would receive a steady paycheck. When some of the original Watchers heard about it, a few of them had objected outright. They'd stated that "a slayer following her destiny was a part of her life, _not_ a job." They objected because "if a slayer was paid, then it would be easy for them to be bought by someone who was evil." From what Willow had stated with some amusement, Giles had laughed his ass off. His response had been somewhere along the lines of; "I very _highly_ doubt that with amount of slayers active, we're going to have to deal with turncoats anytime soon. It's not like we could stop one of them, but they could certainly stop one of their own. Besides they do presently outnumber us at about nine to one."

When Buffy had received the first envelope from the Council and found not just a paycheck but also a check paying retroactively from her twentieth birthday inside, she'd been flat out stunned. On top of that, she also received pay from her actual work of training slayers for the Council. It was truly the first time she'd felt comfortable since before her mother died. She didn't have to work at fast food places ever again. She could go back to college if she wanted to. Not only was she now able to support herself and Dawn, but she was also capable of making certain that they both had things they wanted, instead of _just_ needed. She also had a nice college fund for Dawn started too.

The irony of the fact that she was currently the only slayer who was over twenty < _with Faith coming up in a couple of years_ > was not lost on her. She may've been pissed at Giles, but he was still looking out for her in small ways. She knew that. She didn't know if he was doing it to apologize, because he cared, or if it was solely out of habit though, and that was the biggest rub of all.

Buffy groaned, glancing at her clock. Her idea of sleeping was quickly turning into a manic party in her head. She'd been lying in bed for nearly two hours and she hadn't slept a wink. Before she was pregnant, she would have gone out and patrolled for a few hours. Now she didn't feel she had that option.

< _Okay, Dawn only had seventeen minutes before her curfew is up. Maybe that's what the hell is keeping me awake_ > she thought bitterly, < _Hopefully as soon as Dawn gets home, I'll be able to sleep! Well home for tonight... come tomorrow it'll just be another place we used to live..._ >

Groaning again, she yanked her pillow over her head and screamed into it. A noise out in the front of the apartment made her listen more carefully. She heard Dawn unlock the door. Buffy listened to her walk around, in and out of the bathroom, then into her own room where the noise was too muffled to hear.

After another fifteen minutes, she still hadn't been able to fall asleep. < _Nope. Dawn's safely in her bed and my brain still won't shut up!_ >

Buffy mind wandered again. When this had happened back after Riley had left she'd go out and patrol, but if that didn't work she'd stop by to see if Giles was awake, to which he normally was. Several times he had helped her out by just letting her vent about everything that was going on. Dawn and Glory, her worry over her mother, even the fact that she felt like she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. She understood and supported Riley's decision now as to why he'd left, she truly hadn't loved him, but back then it had been just 'another drama' in Buffy's life. 

Giles had always spoken to her in that soft tone of voice that would relax her. He'd trained her to access that calm inner peace and he knew exactly how to induce it just by discussing whatever issues she'd brought up.

After she'd woken up on his couch twice, not even remembering when she'd fallen asleep, she'd started leaving a change of clothes at his place. When she first brought them over, he hadn't said a word, just pointed to a chest in the corner so that she would know where to store them. Then the next time came when she couldn't sleep, her mind wouldn't shut up, staking vamps didn't help, she'd find herself on his couch again.

She'd eventually stopped venting all the time and her and Giles had just talked. About everything and nothing at the same time. She asked him about the things that had happened in his past, he would tell her minute amounts and then shift the conversation to a different topic. She learned a lot more about him on those nights than even he probably realized. She knew how to put things together.

Ultimately, things started to shift. Instead of talking, they would just sit silently with each other, the calm of the moments and his solid presence always lulling her to sleep almost as easily as his voice did.

He'd always smiled so brightly at her when he saw she was awake in the morning, and then offered her a cup of tea, coffee, or even made breakfast for her.

Then her mom had died. Things became more complicated because she had to go and stay home after patrolling so that Dawn wasn't alone in the house. The first night her mind had gone wonky, she tried everything she could think of. Then around three in the morning, her phone had rung. When she'd answered it, she discovered Giles asking her if she needed to talk.

She never could figure out how he knew exactly which nights gave her the most trouble. All she knew was that if she didn't call him, then he would call her. Once, over the phone because she was too embarrassed to ask him in person, she'd hesitantly asked him why he was so willing to put up with this particular idiosyncrasy with his slayer.

He chuckled low and deep, the sound making her body tighten up and shiver. " ** _That's_** why."

"That's why what?" she'd asked him with confusion.

"Because you're _**my** **slayer**_." He'd said it so possessively, yet tenderly.

After they'd hung up their phones, she thought about it for a very long time that night.

~@~

Buffy woke up when the alarm on her cell phone went off. She had no idea when she'd fallen asleep. The last time she'd looked at the clock it had been near two in the morning. But it was the last thought that she remembered that was getting to her now.

The way he'd spoken to her that night was running through her head on repeat. Remembering the sound of his voice and his words, suddenly made her want, in a way that was totally unlike those of her recent cravings. Her libidinous behavior not withstanding as of late had _nothing_ on this. She ached for him. **Her** Watcher. The one who had still respected her and with whom their closeness at the time had outmatched every relationship she'd ever had... including Angel.

She wanted him. Fucking hell, did she want **_him_**.

Buffy closed her eyes, a deep shudder running down her body. Before she even thought about what she was doing, she'd grabbed the one vibrator she'd left out of her luggage.

At the moment she crested, she called **his** name. Not the one who now treated her like they'd never shared that closeness, but the one who called her when she couldn't sleep. The one who just knew what was wrong with her or the fact that she was hiding something just by glancing her way.

After she was done, and for the first time left unfulfilled and still wanting in a way she didn’t think she was ever going to be able to sate, all she could think of were two questions. < _What the hell had happened to that closeness they'd shared and where did that man, **My** **Watcher** , go?_>

~@~

Willow found herself waiting for Buffy and Dawn to arrive at her place within the next hour. Buffy had called yesterday morning and left a message saying they were on their way. She'd called again about an hour ago stating they were close and would be there within the next half hour. Willow shuddered when she thought about the idea of driving for 30 hours in just two days, but both Buffy and Dawn had sounded happy. Apparently, they had been using the time for some sisterly bonding.

At the sound of a car outside, Willow rushed to her window that overlooked the street. Dawn and Buffy were both climbing out of the car, laughing about something. The sight of them made Willow jumpy. It was going to be so amazing being near Buffy and Dawn again. Knowing she could visit them at any time without having to take a flight was making her almost giddy. Throwing open her door she rushed outside and ran to them both, flinging her arms around Dawn first and Buffy second.

As she wrapped her arms around Buffy, she was a little surprised to feel that her belly was already starting to protrude with her pregnancy. She hadn't expected it so she pulled back and studied at her friend closely. After looking at her, there was no mistaking that Buffy was truly pregnant. She was wearing a shirt that accentuated the curve of her stomach and Willow could almost swear she was glowing. She'd never seen her friend looking so radiant.

Willow looked up, finally catching her friends eyes where she found amusement and happiness. Though if she looked closely she also saw a tiny bit of trepidation. Willow had no idea what that was about but for the moment she was just going to focus on the good. She'd worry about the problems later.

"So what were you guys laughing about?" she said looking between both Buffy and Dawn. She was amused to see a slight blush come up Buffy's cheeks when Dawn laughed.

"Buffy forgot about the whole right and left side of the road thing once we got off the main roads. She was almost all of the way over on the right side of the street when another car came along and started honking at her to get out of the way. Instead of pulling over to the left side, she got flustered and tried to move even further to the right. Once she realized her mistake she corrected it, but the other driver flipped us two fingers, something I had to explain to Buffy," Dawn snorted for a second as Buffy's cheeks grew even redder, "He started cussing and moaning about 'Bloody twit' female foreign drivers. Then he went on some tangent, to which I only _heard_ the words 'daft twat', 'gormless chav', 'arsemonger' and 'plonker' So I shouted out the window 'It takes one to know one!' and he turned red and sped away. I thought British people _didn't_ like confrontations."

Willow's mouth had been slowly falling open the longer Dawn talked, but the next thing the teenager said had her cracking up. "Isn't it ironic that we travelled all the way from Rome and the _only_ foreign language that someone actually addressed us with was _English_?"

"Holy mackerel, Dawnie! Did you take a breath at all during the story?" Willow looked towards Buffy to find she was chuckling along. Apparently, Dawn hadn't made the foreign language comment to Buffy before then.

Willow was still chuckling when she turned back to Buffy. "So, Buff have you figured out where you're staying? Any specific hotel?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders, but Dawn got excited talking away again. "She found this cute little bed and breakfast down the way. Problem is they only have one room with one bed. I'm not sure how we're going to work it, but I'm sure we'll figure it out."

< _Ah so that's what the trepidation was about..._ > was Willows first thought. When she turned back towards Buffy, she saw that her head was turned away and her eyes slightly more sparkly then they had been before. She was obviously trying to hold back tears.

"You know, Buff, Dawnie can stay here with me. I don't mind. It'll also give us some bonding time while you guys look for a place to live."

Dawn squealed next to her and stepped up next to Buffy. "Please can I? _Please?_ Not that the bed and breakfast didn't look awesome, but I'd love to spend some time with Willow! I haven't seen her in months!"

Buffy looked back towards Willow, smiling. The sheen over her eyes was still there but at least she didn't look as frustrated as she had a minute ago. "Sure Dawn. Go ahead and grab your stuff out of the car. I've got to check in at the B&B and then I can come back so we can discuss a few things. You do know that, even if you're staying with Wil, you're going to have to follow the rules. Not just mine, but hers too."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Dawn said grinning. The moment Buffy tossed the keys at Dawn she took off to grab her stuff out of the car. She took several bags from the trunk and a few smaller ones from the back seat. All Willow could do for a second was stare, slightly shocked, at the amount of luggage. She looked at it all, trying to figure out exactly where all of it was going to go in her tiny spare bedroom.

Leaving the luggage in front of the car, Dawn ran up to her next, tossing the car keys towards Buffy before holding her hand out to Willow. Willow handed her own keys over and her and Buffy watched as Dawn grabbed half the bags and started taking them inside.

The moment that Dawn was out of earshot, Buffy surged forward and hugged her. When she pulled back, Willow could see the few tears Buffy had been holding back earlier were falling down her cheeks. She hurriedly wiped them away before saying anything. "Thank you so much Wils. I had no idea what I was going to do. Normally sharing a room with my sister wouldn't bother me, but... well right now, I'm fairly certain it would've driven me insane."

Dawn came running back out to get the rest of her stuff and Buffy stopped talking. The moment Dawn was back inside though, Buffy laughed. "Did you know that towards the end of the first trimester and throughout the second, your body assumes that since you had sex to get pregnant then you need to have more and more sex to keep it that way?"

Willow furrowed her eyebrows. " _What_?"

Buffy grumbled, her cheeks flushing slightly again. "I've been drooling over nearly every guy I've seen in the past week. Finally looked up in my pregnancy books and discovered that my 'libido' has gone into overdrive. In other words, half the time I'm a normal pregnant woman, living my life. The other half, all my brain thinks of is sex. Apparently, when you're three months pregnant, your brains starts to act like the mind of a teenage boy. Except, of course, all I can think of is Gi... _men_. All I can think of is men... "

Buffy's face went from slightly flushed to full blown blushing. Trying not to smile, Willow decided to pretend she hadn't heard that slip of the tongue. She had to turn away for a second because otherwise she really was going to bust out laughing.

She turned back towards Buffy with a somewhat straight face. "So, all you can think about is sex and having your little sister staying in the same room with you would, not only, be too close quarters, but you also wouldn't be able to 'take care of' the problem. You'd end up sexually frustrated and probably take it out on the one who's stopping you from being able to get rid of that frustration. Right?"

Buffy smiled gratefully, the blush receding slowly. Willow could tell that she was grateful for not mentioning what she'd just said. "Yeah. Thanks Wil."

Buffy turned looking towards Willows apartment. "She's been in there for a while. We should probably see why she hasn't come back out yet. I've got to leave soon to check into the B&B."

Just as Buffy started walking towards entrance door, Willow tapped her arm. "You know Buff, you can talk to me about anything. I'm not going to judge you. I love you. So no matter what it is, if you want or need to talk about something or some _one_ , I'm here for you."

Buffy smiled and hugged Willow to her again. "I love you too Wil." She pulled away, grabbed Willow's hands within her own and held them. "If, and I do mean _if,_ I plan to go into further details, I'll talk to you about it. I promise." She glanced back towards the entrance door again. "Now we really do need to go inside. Whatever she's doing is taking way too long. I'm not sure what you're going to do with a bored teenager for the next few days, but I really do appreciate it."

Ironically, once they got inside, all they found was Dawn making a mess of the spare room. She'd already unpacked half her bags and put all her bathroom stuff away. Buffy rolled her eyes at Willow. "I told you. Bored teenager."

Dawn looked up at them both. "Hey, I _heard_ that!"

Buffy laughed. "Were you planning on coming back out to say goodbye or did you just want me to leave and get out of your hair?"

Dawn giggled and came over to Buffy, hugging her "I thought you were gonna come back after you checked in. I figured I'd just see you then."

Willow smiled when she realized how much closer the two sisters were. Apparently, sequestering herself and Dawn alone in a foreign country had helped the two of them out more than anyone else had realized. After quickly saying she see them in a while, Buffy left, her step a little lighter than when Willow had first seen them pull up.

~@~

Dawn loved this. Not only did she get to stay with Willow but she was also in the same city as Giles. She was finally within reach of most of her family and she was certain that she'd get to see Giles within the next few days. Plus, according to Willow, Xander was going be showing up within the next couple of weeks.

She knew Rome hadn't been that bad. Her school had definitely sucked but there were many things about the city that had been quite awesome. Some of the places she'd visited with Lissa the day before they left, she hadn't even been aware of existed. They'd even managed to find a store that had some great clothes that were about half the price that most of the other places were. She and Lissa had gotten matching outfits with some of the money Buffy had given them. Lissa was shorter than her but they'd still managed to find an outfit that looked good on both of them.

She was also really going to miss Lissa. She worried about her friend. In the two months that they'd known each other, the one time she'd gone over to Lissa's house to visit her had been more than enough. Her father had left when she was ten and her mother was not the type of person that seemed to care about anything to do with her daughter. It was amazing that, despite all of the adversity, Lissa had turned out as such a great person.

Dawn had once asked her about her mother and Lissa had uttered a sarcastic laugh before saying " _What_ mother? She had me, took care of me until I was twelve and then told me I was grown up enough to look after myself. I'm just thankful that my dad sends the money directly into my personal bank account now. I guess after she started cashing the checks and he found out that I wasn't able to get stuff for school or new clothes, he'd made certain that I had access to the money and _she_ didn't."

"Why doesn't you're dad take you to live with him?" She asked in response. Dawn figured if the man was willing to support her he probably wouldn't mind having her live with him.

"His wife doesn't want me around her kids. Among other reasons, she highly religious and thinks I'm the devil because of my natural inherent power. As if I _could_ get rid of it! It's been with me for as long as I can remember. To be honest, I think my father's more than okay giving me money, but he doesn't want to be around me any more than his wife does."

Dawn sighed. Lissa had the same issues with the girls and guys in their classroom as Dawn had. Now she was all alone with a mother who didn't care about her and a father who sent her money but doesn't want to acknowledge her existence otherwise.

Thinking about the situation that her friend was now left in, made her both sad and mad at the same time. She wished that Buffy would've been able to bring Lissa along too, but she also knew that was something Buffy wouldn't be able to do. Dawn had hoped to talk to Willow about it, but she also figured it was best to just wait a few days. Since Lissa was a natural witch, she wanted to know if the coven could help her friend.

< _Anything's possible when it comes to our family_ > she thought to herself.

When Buffy came back a few hours later, Dawn was happily relaxed back on the bed, chatting with Lissa on her cellphone. For the moment, she was absolutely unaware of anything going on outside what was, for now, her bedroom.

~@~

By the time Buffy pulled back up to Willow's building, it had been long enough for several of her neighbors to come home. It took her a few minutes to find a place to park. When she got to Willow's front door, she didn't bother to knock. She knew Willow and Dawn were both expecting her back. She was currently digging through her purse to make sure she hadn't left her keys in the car, so she wasn't paying all that much attention when she suddenly ran into someone else who was standing a few feet inside the door. She glanced up from her purse expecting to see Willow, only for her green eyes to run up his very long frame just in time to lock with another pair of light green eyes.

Buffy quickly sucked in several deep breaths, her head getting light as she started to slide to the floor. Right before she fully lost consciousness, she felt his hands grab her and lift her up.


	5. Chalk Another Heartbreak Up to Foolish Pride

~@~

Giles was just pulling out of a roundabout on his way home when he suddenly realized that Willow still had some of his books that he needed for the following night's meeting with the coven. Willow has told him she wouldn't be there due to some personal business so he decided to stop by her flat and pick them up. It was late enough for her to be done with work and early enough that, even if she had plans, she'd probably still be home at the moment. Once he got there, it wouldn't take more than a few minutes to get the books and leave.

Perhaps if she didn't have plans she would be willing to sit down and catch up a bit. Most of the time when they decided to visit they would sit there and discuss how Xander, Buffy and Dawn were doing. He loved to converse with her about the others, because she always had more information than he did, especially about Buffy. Having no other real connection with Buffy, other than Dawn, was frustrating, to say the least.

When Giles knocked on Willow's door, he was startled because it opened almost immediately. "Why'd you knock? I figured..."

At the site of Giles, her words trailed off abruptly and she just gaped at him for a minute. Thankfully, after a moment longer, she finally seemed to come back to her senses though.

"G-Giles, um, hey... Not that I'm n-not happy to see you but what are you doing h-here?"

Giles tilted his head slightly confused at her reaction and the slight squeak of her voice. "I came to pick up those books you have. You said you weren't going to be at the meeting and I need them for tomorrow night."

The site of him had obviously thrown her off for some reason. It took Willow another few seconds before she hastened him inside her flat. "They're in my room. I-I'll get them for you right now so you can get h-home and relax." For some reason Willow giggled tensely, her eyes shooting back towards the bedrooms and then quickly behind him towards the still open door.

"Take your time, Willow. I'm not really in a big rush to go home. In fact, I thought if you had a few moments, perhaps we could sit down and catch up. It's been a while since we've been able to do so."

Willow let out another strange tittering laugh. "Normally, you know I would l-love to Giles. Unfortunately, I-I have another friend coming over. I can't really just leave h-her to..."

Willow uttered another strange high pitched laugh. Something about the way she was acting was nudging at his memory. He'd seen her like this before, he just couldn’t remember when.

Before he could figure it out, Willow told him in that same odd stuttering voice, "Just s-stay right h-here. I'll be r-right back."

As Giles turned and closed the door behind him, it suddenly came to him.

_"She lied to me?"_

_"Well..."_

_"You're killing her with the pressure! She's sixteen going on forty!"_

Bollocks! So something was going on with Buffy. He had no idea what it was, but what he had just realized was that Willow only talked like that when she was upset over something to do with her best friend.

For a second he started to go after Willow to find out exactly what was happening. He took a few steps towards, what he suddenly realized was, her bedroom before stopping and staring in that direction instead. Probably not a very prudent idea to follow her in there.

< _Christ Buffy. What the hell was going on with her that would make Willow so on edge? What if something bad had happened to her? No, I'm certain Willow would tell me if it's something bad. So it has to be something else..._ >

Giles was distracted but still aware when he heard Willow's front door open behind him. He turned towards it only for a very familiar body to run right into him. He looked down, his eyes suddenly catching Buffy's for the first time in what felt like years. Before he could even say a word, Buffy's eyelids fluttered closed and she started to sink to the floor. He caught her instinctively, picking her up and placing her gently on Willows sofa.

For a minute, he just knelt down and stared at her face, his heart thundering. She was still so very lovely. Her hair had gotten even longer since he'd last seen her. He brushed a few strands of it off her face and tucked them behind her ear. He couldn't stop himself from caressing her face, trying to take in everything that was different. She had shadows under her eyes, a sure sign that she hadn't been sleeping well. If he'd seen her every day and they were on friendlier terms, he would've called her that night to try to help her sleep.

Fuck, he'd _missed_ her.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, noticing that they'd filled out a tiny bit, giving her an even more youthful appearance. However, she also looked a little older, more mature. This was the woman he knew she would one day become. She was even more beautiful than he remembered.

Before he realized what he was doing, he ran his thumb lightly over her bottom lip. So many times in the past, whenever she was nervous or worried she would bite that lip lightly. Every single time he saw her do it, he'd wanted to yank her to him and use his own lips to sooth away her teeth marks. Every time she'd pouted at him, he'd wanted to take that lower lip and suckle it before tilting her head and just taking what he wanted from her. In the past three and a half years, he couldn't even count the amount of times he'd wanted to kiss her. After a while, he'd just learnt to ignore the urge. It didn't stop her from invading his dreams or fueling his fantasies, but it did help him to stay somewhat sane.

Giles started to lean in, but then reality struck. Realizing what he'd been about to do, he reeled back and stood up, before he did anything else stupid. Christ, what if she'd come out of her faint just to find him caressing her face and leering at her? He'd only been able to take the 'gross' and 'old' comments so much before he'd tried to hide that part of his life aside from her. After he realized he was in love with her over three years ago, he didn't think he could handle any more aspersions against his age. He knew she'd only ever seen him as 'just her Watcher' or a 'close friend', but he couldn't help wishing that someday she'd look at him as an actual person, someone she could maybe even love.

Just as he stepped back, Willow came out of her room holding the books he'd stopped by for.

"Damn it!" Willow dropped the books on her coffee table as she ran to Buffy and checked on her. "What did you do Giles?"

Giles couldn't help but be both offended and incensed. "I didn't do anything Willow! She walked in and fainted. I wasn't even able to say hello. Why the bloody hell would you jump to the conclusion that it's my fault or that I did something to her? You know I would never hurt her!"

When Giles took another step backwards, he nearly toppled on his arse. Luckily, one of Willows chairs was right behind him, otherwise he would've ended up on the floor. He'd finally been able to look at her fully and his shock was palpable. He was completely gobsmacked. "Is she _pregnant_?"

Willow winced, her eyes still locked on Buffy's face. "Um... I-I don't think..." Willow sputtered, closing her eyes in frustration.

Before he knew what was happening Willow stood up and stared at him, her eyes going hard. "Damn it, Giles! Why didn't you call before you came over? I could've, at the very least, warned her you were going to be here!"

Giles, once again, was incensed. "That's complete rubbish and you know it, Willow! Don't you bloody well turn this on me! I've never had to call you before! How the hell would I have known she was here? Last I knew she was still in Rome. What the hell is she doing here? And _is she pregnant_?"

Before Willow could either answer him or retort back, he heard Buffy's voice from the couch. "Would you two knock it off? I just wasn't expecting to see him, Wil. It wasn't his fault. It's... well, not okay, but I'll live. And can someone please get me some water?"

Willow, apparently wanting to get out of either his or her line of fire, rushed into her tiny kitchen. Giles turned towards Buffy to see her sitting up on the couch with her head down, her eyes staring into her lap. Without even realizing what she was doing, she placed her hand tenderly over the slight protrusion of her belly.

For the first time in a very long time, Giles realized he was _**beyond**_ livid. He should have known when she still wouldn't talk to him, despite the fact that Sunnydale no longer existed and Spike was dead. He should have realized that, of course, Buffy was out living up the life and had totally forgotten about him. He should have just stopped thinking about her the moment that Sunnydale sank into the desert. Stopped wishing she would finally see him as the man he was and not just another goddamn fixture in her life. No doubt, the moment she'd gotten to Rome, she'd gone out and gotten attached to another one of those annoying pretty boy pillocks that she liked to date. Why the hell was she always trying to make it work with those... those _boys?_ Was he supposed to be happy for her? Rush out and buy her a bloody stroller and ask to be the baby's 'rakish' uncle?

Like **hell** he would.

Buffy was still staring at her lap when she heard Giles very softly, almost to the point where she couldn't hear it, making that small cluck-cluck noise that Willow had once joked about, saying that he did it when he was really mad but too 'English' to say anything. For the longest time he'd stopped doing it. Apparently being back in England was making him revert to some of the British habits he phased out while in Sunnydale.

God how she'd missed him! She still felt that anger towards him, that small frustration at how he had treated her like a child, but it was so distant right now, that she could barely feel it. Buffy raised her eyes, running her gaze completely over him... from the top of his head, down to his feet and all the way back up until she caught his eyes. It took her a moment to figure out the emotion reflected in them.

He was furious.

Even seeing that rage made her heart clench in a weird form of happiness. So he was angry at her again, what else was new? She tried her damnedest not to smile, but the corners of her mouth must have tilted just enough for him to see. Before she even knew what was happening, Giles grabbed the books off of Willows table and was headed to the door.

Buffy frowned, jumping up and running around the couch to catch him before he was able to open it. She stood in between him and the door, her hands out. "Giles! Stop, where are you going?"

"What? Am I just supposed to say congratulations, smile and pretend like..." Giles stopped talking so fast he nearly bit his tongue. Before she could try to figure out what he'd been about to say his face shuttered almost completely closed off. "Let me leave Buffy. _Now_."

With the pregnancy playing so fiercely on her emotions, without meaning to, she burst into both angry and hurt tears. She couldn't help it. This was Giles... _Giles,_ and he was acting as if seeing her was the worst moment of his life. She never thought she'd see the day when he would treat her as if she were just another disappointment in his life. She fell back against the door and slid down it slowly, covering her face with her hands. 

Giles closed his eyes, her sobs reaching his ears and making him wince. "Christ Buffy. What did you expect? That'd I'd be happy that you were obviously happier _without_ me around? That you forgot about me? Let me guess, you met another Captain America like boy. Only this time he's Italian. Now you're happy because you're in love, _again_ , and you're finally getting something normal like you've always wanted?"

Buffy yanked her hands away from her face and glared up at him, tears still streaming down her face. "I didn't want to get pregnant Giles. I didn't even plan on having kids. I didn't exactly have a choice."

Giles snorted. "Buffy, unless you were attacked and weren't able to fight them off, which I _highly_ doubt, given that you are a slayer. Was that the case?"

When Buffy shook her head angrily, he continued. "Then we both know that you have a choice in everything. You don't want to get pregnant, you use birth control. Seems like you forgot that part of the equation."

Buffy stood up suddenly, her eyes narrowed at him. "You know what, screw _you_ Giles. First, you leave me and tell me to stand on my own two feet. Then you come back and treat me like a five year old, despite the fact that I did exactly what you wanted me to do, I _grew_ the hell up." Buffy advance on him, her teary eyes making her own anger glisten and stand out. Giles tried to stand his ground but when she got close enough, she poked him hard on the chest and it pushed him back a step.

"Then after everything, you lied to me and when I called you out on it, you blamed me for everything that was going on and spurred an entire house of potentials, even my own goddamn _sister_ , to kick me out of my own fucking house. Then you wanted me to what? Pretend like you didn't betray me and like everything was hunky dory?" Buffy glared at him even harder. "I did exactly what you wanted me to do and you _punished_ me for it. I'm getting tired of you acting like _I'm_ the one who did something wrong." 

Suddenly her anger with him for the past few months became crystal clear. Giles forgot his own ire for a minute, to focus on everything she'd just said. Before he could respond to her, she hissed at him. "I said I didn't have a choice in being pregnant. I didn't. Now leave me the _fuck_ alone."

Buffy turned away from him and ran back towards Willow's bedrooms. He heard a door slam.

Willow came out of her kitchen holding a glass of water. She picked up the books he'd dropped when Buffy had advanced on him, handed them to him then turned to go after Buffy. She only took a few steps before turning back. "It's a magical pregnancy. You should check out some of the Watcher Diaries if you want answers." She turned again and walked back towards her bedroom.

Giles gasped, releasing the breath of air he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. He had no idea how long he'd been holding his breath but it was long enough to make him slightly light headed. Not wanting to cause anymore controversy, he slowly let himself out of the flat and left.

~@~

Dawn tiptoed out of her room, hoping that the drama was over and she could get something to eat. It was past dinnertime and she was starving.

After listening at the door, she had finally come to understand why Buffy had been so angry at Giles, but Dawn still thought that she should've given him a chance to explain himself. Though, when she really thought about it, Giles had also been angrier then she'd ever heard him before. But there was something else. Since she hadn't been able to see him, only hear his voice, she'd noticed what sounded like jealousy in his intonation. < _Why would Giles be jealous of Buffy getting pregnant?_ I _t makes no sense unless... unless he's in love with Buffy._ >

Dawn stopped just short of entering the kitchen. < _Was Giles in love with her sister? Is that why he'd been so strangely distant from Buffy for the last few months? And if he was in love with her, why would he pull away from her the way he had done? Why wouldn't he, at least, try to explain it to her?_ >

Dawn continued into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to see what Willow had to eat. < _I just don't get it. Maybe it's because Giles and Buffy are already so intense about each other already. God what'll happen if Buffy does figure it out? Does she love him back?_ > She was definitely distracted because she'd been staring into the fridge so long she was starting to get chilled. Dawn shook her head and cleared her mind just long enough to find some pizza slices that Willow had wrapped up. They didn't look bad so she unwrapped them and popped them into Willow's microwave, hitting reheat before turning and resting back against the counter.

Her mind took off exactly where it had left off. Dawn tried to think of the way Buffy had acted around Giles in the past, when they'd gotten along, but she couldn't remember what they'd been like because it was so long ago. < _Have they really been arguing that long?_ > When she really really thought about it, the last time Buffy and Giles had truly seemed to be on equal footing, was when Giles had teleported from England to help Willow. After all that had happened, he'd needed time to recuperate and had ended up at the house for the better part of two weeks. Of course, that had been after an entire week in the hospital first.

Buffy had visited with Giles every single day while Dawn tagged along a few times. During the first three days, he'd been pretty drugged up. Dawn laughed slightly to herself when she remembered what he'd been like during those first days. < _When he'd been awake, he'd been so goofy! God that was **fun**! I'm almost certain that there are some things he doesn't remember saying!_> She did remember him making a comment about doing a lot of drugs like pot, acid, and ecstasy in the 70's, so drugs, even heavy duty pain medications, didn't affect him that much anymore. It was rather ironic because, had he not been drugged up, he _definitely_ wouldn't have told them about his past with drugs!

After those first few days, the doctors started to wean him from the pain meds. Buffy went alone for the next two days. Dawn had hung back at Buffy's request so she had no idea what they had talked about. When Dawn was able to go with Buffy the sixth day, all she'd seen was Buffy and Giles talking about the stuff that had happened while he was gone. They'd both laughed several times over some of the things that had happened, but there was also some type of tension between them. Something she hadn't been able to suss out herself. She figured it was something they'd discussed on those two days she hadn't been allowed to visit, but she wasn't about to ask Buffy what it was about.

Then Giles had been released from the hospital and he still wasn't allowed to make the trip back to England. When Dawn and Buffy had gone to pick him up, Giles had tried to insist he could stay at a hotel, but Buffy had stubbornly brought him back to the house and settled him into Willow's room without too much more of a fuss.

Again, Dawn had noticed that slight tension during those two weeks, but they'd actually spoken to each other in a way that she hadn't seen since before Buffy had died and come back. Giles smiled at her and she smiled back at him. They discussed Watcher and slayer things. They'd both helped around the house, despite Giles' limited mobility issues. It had all been almost domestic...

Dawn considered that time and wondered about the tension between them again. The strange thing was that it hadn't exactly been an uncomfortable tension, at least not until the night just before Giles had left to go back to England. Something had happened that day when she hadn't been there, but she had no idea what it was. All she knew was by the time they took him to the airport the next day, Giles had started acting distant, and Buffy had been mildly irate. < _Maybe Buffy is in love with Giles and she just doesn't realize it? It would explain an awful lot._ >

Dawn shook her head again and realized the microwave had stopped a while ago. She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even heard it beep. After looking through the cupboards quickly, she found a plate and slid the pizza from the wrapping it was reheated on into the plate.

The moment she sat down at the table she suddenly remembered the other thing she'd caught after Buffy and Giles had stopped arguing and what Willow had told Giles afterwards. Of all things she'd heard, the one thing she couldn't believe was that Buffy hadn't told her it was a magical pregnancy! As far as Dawn could tell, they'd never even approached the subject. Despite the fact that she'd told Dawn they would, Buffy had never talked to her about the father, which made sense now, but she could've at least told Dawn about the highlights. Especially since they were so close after spending all that time alone together in Rome.

Dawn had honestly assumed that she'd met someone in Sunnydale, decided to have an end of the world fling and that had been it. Despite the fact that Buffy didn't like one night stands, it had been all Dawn could consider at the time. But now, she had to wonder if there even was a father and, if so, who it could possibly be. A magical pregnancy had so many different aspects to it. If it hadn't gotten so late already, she would've called Lissa again and asked her if she knew anything about them. Not that she hadn't spent a dozen or so nights late on the phone with her, but never on a school night. Ironically, that wasn't Buffy's rule but Lissa's for herself. She said that she needed all her energy to concentrate in class as it was and losing sleep would only be detrimental to that.

< _Sometimes Lissa reminds me so much of Giles._ > she thought with some amusement. That however brought another idea to her head, < _Ohhh..._ _Wouldn't it be both amazing_ **and** _amusing on some strange level if the baby is Giles'?_ > Dawn couldn't help but giggle at the notion. < _At least then, they'd **have** to work out their issues for once!_>

After getting up and grabbing a soda to drink, she heard Willow's bedroom door open. She quickly schooled her face and began to focus on eating so that neither of them would be able to figure out what had been running through her mind.


	6. You Can Live Your Alibi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've edited this chapter several times. Poor Skyson. I've even changed it more since the last time I sent her a version of it! Basically what I'm saying for this chapter, if you see any mistakes it's probably my own fault...lol.  
> I just wanted to get it up since it's been a week since I last uploaded a chapter.

~@~

After sitting in his car at Willow's for a good half hour, he'd finally talked himself into starting it and driving home. There had been about a dozen times that he'd wanted to turn around, but he resolutely kept driving until he reached his house. He pulled his car in and then sat in his driveway for a very long time, staring out at the darkened sky. It was sprinkling, but that was nothing new. Rain was one of the things he'd missed dearly in Sunnydale. It rained there but it was nothing like it was in England.

Giles closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands that were still gripping the steering wheel. Everything in him was telling him to go back to Willow's flat. Just seeing Buffy again after all this time had affected him in a way that he hadn't been prepared for. He'd been so angry at her for being pregnant. Angry at her for something that wasn't even her fault. All he could think at the time was that she had forgotten about him and it had **_hurt_**.

Now he was angry at himself. He didn't know how he could've attacked her the way he had. He couldn't figure out which was worse, finding out exactly why she'd avoided him for the past few months, or her telling him to ' _fuck off_ ' as she so eloquently put it, before he could even try to apologize or explain.

The irony of it was that if he had tried to explicate his actions over that time, he knew he'd just come off as a bastard. It didn’t mean he wasn’t one, just that he had no real excuse. The only real defense that he had about the way he'd behaved, he’d admit to no one. Not even himself most of the time.

< _Guess it's about time old man._ >

The problem was that when he'd gone back to Sunnydale to stop Willow, he'd seen the things that Buffy had done. She was once again the strong woman he knew she could be... just as she had been before she died. She was raising Dawn, taking on the responsibilities of making sure she had everything she'd needed to succeed and more. Buffy was even willing to work at a fast food place just to make sure that they had the necessities they needed.

If the situation had been different, if he'd just gone for a visit and found out what was going on, he would have sat down with them to find out why Willow and Tara weren't helping with the bills while they were living there. Just because they had been in college was _no_ excuse to have Buffy support them all. Those two should have been helping with the household state of affairs. They could have gotten part time jobs so that it all wouldn't have rested solely on Buffy's shoulders.

Of course, after leaving the way he had, Buffy might not have wanted him to interfere. Besides, the situation _was_ different. He hadn't gone for just a visit. He'd gone to stop Willow and, because of that, it had just been Buffy and Dawn again until she'd come back from England. Of course, the good thing about that had been that Buffy no longer had two extra adults to support.

Christ, not that he had wished Tara dead at all. If he could've prevented that, lord knows he would have.

The weeks after he'd stopped Willow, had been both good and bad in their own way. He really didn't recall the first few days in the hospital, as much as he would like to, he'd just been too highly medicated. After those first three days had passed in what seemed to be a straight muffled blur of sleeping and being half groggy, Buffy had come and sat down with him, sans Dawn. She'd admonished him for being so careless and coming up with a plan that nearly got him killed, despite how well it had worked. What had been more potent than anything was the fact that she hadn't raised her voice or pouted. She hadn't yelled at him. She hadn't even tried to get him to explain anything.

What she had done was _very_ calmly and seriously, in a way that he had never seen her behave, flat out tell him if he ever put his life in danger like that again without telling her beforehand, consulting her, or even warning her, she would kick his ass into the next county as soon as they'd won the battle. He'd laughed at her words for a second, only realizing that she was completely serious when she'd failed to even smile.

Giles had looked at her with puzzlement before asking her, "So you want me to, what, call you to ask for _permission_ if I ever have to put myself in danger to help you lot save the world?" When Buffy had nodded at him, he had completely lost it, laughing so hard he'd busted a couple of stitches they'd put on his abdomen, though he hadn't noticed until later. Then he'd looked over at her with her serious expression he couldn't help it, his laughter tapered off slightly before he asked her, "You do realize the _absurdity_ of that statement right?"

Buffy had looked him in the eyes and he'd finally seen the glint of teasing reflected in them right before she started laughing right along with him. It wasn't the deep laughter they'd had at the Magic Box, but it had definitely been cathartic.

After their laughter had began to taper off completely, she had gotten serious again, but this time there wasn't a speck of amusement in her eyes. "Giles you scared the _crap_ out of me. I know you're not exactly... present, but you're still my Watcher and one of the most important people in my life. After Dawn, you're the one person I can't do this without."

Buffy had looked down for a moment as if trying to decide to say something, then looked up with determination. "Even if you are in England I do _know_ , now that you've told me, that if I need help I can ask for it. I know you're there for me. On some level, I already knew that, but when you left... I felt as if..." She paused, obviously trying to find the right words, "as if you were telling me that in order to make my life work, I couldn't need or want your help. For that matter, it was like you were also telling me that it was bad for me to even need you to be around me. Because if I did, then I would never be the adult you wanted me to be. And I couldn't disappoint you like that... I just _couldn't_. Despite everything I didn't care about at that time, I still cared about _that_."

Giles had been puzzled but he could understand where she'd been coming from. She had needed him during his time in England. Yet, she had held back because she thought he would be disappointed in her. It seemed that no matter what he would've said otherwise, Buffy wouldn't have asked for the help she needed even if it had occurred to her. Which, granted, it probably had.

But the strangest thing was that to be told by Buffy, in her own roundabout way, that not only did she need him, but she also _wanted_ him around. He had become incredibly disappointed in himself for leaving her without any real warning. Then, on top of that, he hadn't given her what she really needed. She'd needed to know he was still there for her, that she could still call him if she wanted a little help. Hell, she could've called him on those nights he knew she couldn't sleep.

But she never had. What had happened was that the only people he really talked to were Anya, four times about the store, Dawn three times, basically just wanting to just talk to him, Xander four times for a few research purposes, and Willow. Well, he'd only talked to Willow once when she called to ask him about a spell. He'd demanded to know what she needed the information for and when she wouldn't tell him, he'd promptly hung up on her. He had a feeling that if they'd had any further conversations during those months, it might've led to her going 'Dark Willow' before it had really happened.

Giles _had_ noticed that Buffy hadn't talked to him or called him, but he felt for himself to call it would've been an intrusion. Then, after all of that frustration, he had to find out in the hospital that the _real_ reason she hadn't called him was because she feared that he would reject her.

< _As if I could've. She had power over me back then, just as much as she still does now. She has no idea of that fact. If she had actually **asked** me to stay, instead of demanded, I more than likely would have._>

Giles sighed and sat up in his car. There had been other things that they'd discussed in the hospital. They had also talked during his stay at their house while he was recuperating. While Dawn was gone during the day, they had their silent moments that they used to have before she died. For nearly two weeks it had almost felt like they were back where they'd been, like they had fallen back into the friendship that had kept them sane during Glory's reign of terror. But then, the day before he was to leave, they'd started talking about how she was going to do without Willow and himself. There had been a moment < _more like five or ten minutes_ > where he had lost control of the situation, and something had... shifted. He could remember that time with crystal clarity, but he was still puzzled as to what had _truly_ happened.

Even now, he still wasn't quite sure what it all meant.

So in a bid to protect his heart, he'd gone and screwed it all up again because of that situation. All because he couldn't admit his feeling to himself, much less her. He'd been so worried he was going to do something stupid, that he had acted recklessly. In refusing to acknowledge how much he cared about her, instead, from her point of view, he'd essentially proven how _little_ he cared for her. It had basically been easier for him to pull away after they'd seen each other again, when he dropped off the potentials.

The main problems came when he thought all of it was only one sided. That first night when he'd come back with the potentials, they'd spent almost an hour together, him comforting her when she was crying, then talking with her about the things he'd missed while he was gone that time. He'd felt a longing to kiss her and hold her, but, instead, he jumped up from the bed and stepped away from her.

Not only was he terrified that the same thing would happen as before, but he also wasn't sure if that desire was coming from inside of him, or from her. And much like the last time, he knew he wasn't strong enough to pull back or deny her. He wanted to believe that she felt that draw to him, the same one he fought against while they were sitting on her bed together, but he just couldn't trust the feelings inside himself.

That night had been the one of the only times he could remember feeling close to her within the last five months. After that, he could barely remember them even being cordial to one another during their last battle with the Sunnydale Hellmouth.

The next day when he'd seen the way Buffy was acting around Spike, his jealousy had begun to take over. Out of nowhere, he'd just _known_ that Buffy was having sex with the vampire again. He was fairly certain it was one of the reasons he'd been so bloody jealous and petty. At that time, all he could imagine was that she had forgotten about what had happened between the two of them, as if what they'd shared hadn't mattered at all. _That_ was why she was sleeping with Spike again.

Because of his feelings and his refusal to admit them to her, the situation had become one full of stress and accusations between the two of them. He suddenly began to point out that she didn't know what she was doing. Especially when it came to her trust of and in Spike. < _Though I know I was right about not trusting him._ >

It wasn't until after Sunnydale was a crater that he'd found out she hadn't been having sex with Spike. They'd found a motel for the night, getting everyone settled long enough so they could get a little rest before figuring out what they were going to do next. While walking past Buffy's and Dawn's room he overheard Faith and Buffy talking. Faith had made a blasé comment, asking Buffy what she was going to do now that she didn't have a 'sex buddy'. Buffy had snapped at her and told Faith, very clearly and concisely, that she hadn't had sex with Spike since before he got his soul back. She clarified that the _only_ thing he ever did, was hold her while she slept.

It had taken Buffy yelling at him tonight for him to even want to look back and see exactly how badly he'd betrayed her by, not only the way he'd treated her, but also by his actions. < _Or lack of actions, thereof!_ > Instead of standing behind her and backing her up when everything had started to go wrong, he'd let his jealousy over her relationship with Spike overrule his senses. He'd agreed and pushed, saying that it was her fault and let everyone kick her out of her own house. By the time all of that happened, there were hundreds of unoccupied houses all over Sunnydale. Every single person, potential or otherwise, could have gone next door, across the street, or hell, even each taken a house of their own anywhere else in the city.

Giles closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. His head was starting to hurt from everything that had happened in the past few hours. He looked at his watch to discover he'd been sitting in his driveway for nearly an hour. No wonder it was getting chilly in the car.

Grabbing everything he'd brought back from the office and the books that had caused all these problems to begin with, < _Not **true** and you know it old man_> he got out and headed up his walkway.

If Buffy had seen the house he'd had built in one of the Watchers Council's empty parcels of land that he'd inherited, she would've been slightly confused. From the front, it essentially looked like the Summer's house in Sunnydale. If someone who knew the original house had looked at it, at first glance they would barely have been able to tell the difference. However, once they got a longer look at it, they would spot the difference in the details. The fauna itself was a dead giveaway. He couldn't exactly have the same plants in England that thrived in California. They would have died before they were even planted. There was also the contents of the windows and how they lined up with the rooms inside.

However, when it came down to it, in looks, the basic framework, the windows, the porch, all of it was like an echo of the place that had once existed. Of course, the moment he walked through the front door it looked nothing like the Summer's Sunnydale home.

But he'd had the front built with her in mind.

At the time he was planning it, more than anything, he'd wanted something that, when she saw it, would at least invoke a feeling of 'Home' for her. He'd honestly expected her to come around and start talking to him after she'd gotten over her anger. Though, now that he knew what she'd really been angry about this whole time, he finally understood _why_ she hadn't.

< _At this rate she'll probably never see the bloody house anyway!_ > Giles thought as he shut and locked the door behind him. Locking it was almost pointless since the house was truly in the middle of an estate that was surrounded by a forest and a very old, but sturdy, wall, as well as a security fence. However, now that he was back into the habit of it, it wasn't something he wanted to break. Better to be safe than sorry.

As soon as he walked through the foyer, Giles reached the first glass doors to his right and walked into his office. The windows that had been in the dining room in Sunnydale were along the front wall in this room. Every single time he'd sit down at his desk, he would stare out that front window for a split second and try to remember what the view had been like back there. It always came up short though. It hadn't been his house, so he didn't have enough memories to reconstruct it. Not to mention the fact that the décor looked absolutely nothing like anything they'd had in the dining room.

Giles picked up the phone on his desk and hit the fifth speed dial button. Within seconds, it was answered.

"Mr. Giles?" Andrew said as soon as he answered the phone. "Um, is there some type of emergency? You never call this late. Well you do, but only if it's important or if it has something do with the slayers. Does it have something to do with the slayers? Is there danger? Should I..."

"Andrew, please!" Andrew stopped suddenly. On perhaps any other occasion Giles might have laughed, but too much had happened that evening to break through his mood.

"I'm sorry Mr. Giles. Please, uh... um... what can I do for you?" Giles rolled his eyes. Apparently, even being in the same room with Buffy earlier was already affecting his mannerisms back to the way he'd been in Sunnydale. Andrew really was always so respectful. However, his nervousness around Giles could get a tad annoying occasionally.

"Andrew, if you or someone else could please search the Watcher Diaries for any slayers who've had magical or mystical pregnancies, I'd appreciate it. I also need you to get someone to go through the Council notes of the past to see if you can find any mention of the same situation." Giles stopped talking when he heard Andrew squawk. < _Now that was different..._ >

"W-Well... um... I'm so sorry Mr. Giles, but Willow currently has the only Watcher Diaries I could find. I-I never looked through the Council notes though, so I'll do that. Do you want those on your desk in the morning? Actually the Council notes might take a little longer though..." Andrew must have heard Giles' low growl of frustration because he, again, suddenly stopped talking.

"Andrew, please, if you can find _anything_ else that Willow does _not_ have, just make sure it's on my desk in the morning." Giles said with aggravation. His voice softened at his next words, "How did Amber do tonight?"

"She did really good. Vi was training with her earlier and she was really getting the hang of some of the moves she was trying to teach her. The majority of what Vi is teaching her is basically to hold off and stall any monsters until help comes. As you know, she's stubborn. She talked Vi into teaching her a few things that will make it so she won't _have_ to wait for help." Giles could tell that Andrew was smiling with his next words. "She tried to talk us into letting her stay up late again. She pouted and said 'But Giles said I could stay up an extra hour tonight.' Holly laughed and told her to try again because she knew you wouldn't have agreed to that. Um, Mr. Giles?"

Giles, a little stunned at Andrew's breathless diatribe, took a second to answer him. "Yes?" 

"Do you think that maybe she _could_ get one night a week where she's be allowed to stay up for a while? When I was younger, I got to do it every Saturday and those were some of the best times I can remember with my family. We'd watch movies and just enjoy our time together." Andrew paused, obviously a little emotional. "Anyway, it only got bad when Tucker and I got older and our parents stopped wanting to spend time with us because, as my mother once said, 'we were cuter and more interesting when we were younger. _'_ "

Giles could tell that, for Andrew, it had taken a lot of courage to suggest the idea. He tilted his head and thought about it for a minute before answering him. "I'll consider it. Is that okay, Andrew?"

"Yeah, Mr. Giles. Thank you! So was there anything else you needed tonight?"

Giles shook his head despite the fact that Andrew couldn't see him. "No, but thank you. I have another call to make so please make sure you get as much of that information on my desk as possible by tomorrow morning."

Giles hung up before closing his eyes and shaking his head again. The headache he'd started to get earlier was becoming a full blown migraine, something he hadn't had in many years. It didn't matter though. He still had countless things he needed to get done that night.

Giles picked up his phone and hit the sixth speed dial on his phone and waited for Clara Hartness to answer.

~@~

When Buffy woke up at the B&B the next morning she had trouble opening her eyes. After everything that had happened the previous night, she had a hard time holding herself together long enough for her, Willow and Dawn to sit down and discuss the rules that Dawn would have to follow. While they sat at the table Willow had made her a sandwich with a pile of chips sitting next to it and demanded she eat before she left. Buffy hadn't been feeling all that hungry and Willow could obviously tell that she had no intentions of eating once she left. Ironically enough, when Willow had placed that plate in front of her, she'd eaten everything on it and then had even asked for more chips, to which, Willow had happily given her. She may not have been hungry, but the baby certainly had been.

After she'd left Willow's place and walked into her room at the B&B, everything had suddenly hit her again. She just kept seeing Giles looking at her with that expression, like she was the worst disappointment he'd ever had. She remembered sitting in his hospital room and telling him she couldn't disappoint him because it one of the only things she'd still cared about when she came back from the dead.

Before she even realized what she was doing, Buffy found herself crying on the bed. She spent the better part of the next few hours, curled up with her hand stroking the swell of her baby bump with tears streaming from her eyes. During that time, she debated on what actions she should take for the baby's life. Most of that had revolved around trying decide if she was going to tell Giles the baby was his, or never letting him know and trying to forget about him altogether.

The annoying thing was that she already knew she was going to tell him. She couldn't keep a child from its own father. She had a father who was willingly absent in her life and that was bad enough. A child deserved to know who its father was, no matter how much of a bastard he was, is or could be. And if the man is a good man, they deserved that father in their life.

< _Despite everything, that is one thing Giles is, was, and will always be... a **good** man_> it was last thought she remembered thinking before she had drifted off to sleep.

Finally being able to pry open her eyes, Buffy managed to make her way into the ensuite bathroom to look in the mirror. Not only were her eyes completely bloodshot but her face was swollen as well.

< _Damn it!_ > she thought as she ran a hand towel under the cold tap before pressing it over her cheeks and eyes.

After she had this baby, if there was one thing that she would _never_ miss about pregnancy it would be how badly her emotions were out of whack. She'd cried more in the past three months then she had the entire time she'd known Giles. And she _hated_ to cry.

The thing was, she knew she had to tell him about the baby's parentage soon. If she put it off much longer, she could lose her nerve. < _Another thing I won't miss! When have I ever had that feeling about Giles? For the most part, telling him personal details about me hasn't really been an issue since he found out about how Angel turned back into Angelus._ >

Buffy removed the towel and scowled at her reflection. An action that her face only reflected right back at her.

< _Well, except for when I came back from heaven, to which he'd already guessed, and that one time last year..._ >

When Giles had come back to confront Willow, that... connection of _something_ had transpired the day before he'd left. She'd never told him about it and still didn't plan on it. Perhaps if she could have explained it to him, she might've been able to figure out what it was that had happened. But they never discussed that day or what had occurred. If it hadn't left her feeling completely different after it was over, she would've sworn the whole thing had been a dream. However, when it came down to it, after that day things had never been the same for either of them.

After one more cold compress with the towel, her face had finally started to look a little better, so she walked back into the room and began to get dressed. She had an appointment with her OB that she had to get ready for. She still had a couple of hours but both Willow and Dawn had said they wanted to go with her. For today, Buffy just wanted to find out if she was carrying 'babies' instead of just 'a baby'. She'd never heard of anyone who'd started showing at twelve weeks.

Of course, it had occurred to her that she'd never really been around anyone who'd had a baby or who'd been pregnant. Out of her, Willow, and Xander, she was going to be the first one to be a mom < _or dad, in Xander's case_ >.

That thought made her pause. For some reason an image of Xander with this huge swollen pregnant belly came to her mind. She busted out laughing and had to sit down on the bed. It took a lot longer to get ready because every time she'd stop giggling or get it under a little control, the image would come back into her mind and make her stop for another minute or two. Only the next image would have something slightly different, like him with big comical feet and complaining about them hurting, or the one image that had him wearing women's maternity clothes.

When she was finally walking out the door to go get breakfast, she let out a few more giggles. < _Geez Buff... psycho much?_ _Man the pregnant mind is **weird**! I gotta tell Willow about this._>


	7. Until Reality Starts Sinking In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️ One of my absolute _favorite_ character spoken lines is in this chapter. I can honestly say that because Skyson's the one who came up with it! My original line was _way_ off base, but she came back with a couple to replace it and this one just _jumped_ out at me. Hope you guys laugh as much as I did when I saw it!

~@~

After spending half the night researching what he could from home, Giles realized the only way he was going to get any more information was if he searched through the database on his computer at his Council office. Of course, the moment he walked into his office the next day he gave the computer on his desk a dirty look. Just because he had to use the bloody thing _didn't_ mean he had to like it.

Right before he was about to turn it on he noticed a few books resting on his desk. He started to go through them finding Quentin Travers journal to be the third one down, which seemed... well, odd.

< _What the hell had Quentin known about magical pregnancies?_ >

He had no idea why Andrew would have put it with whatever else he had found so far, but he was curious. However, the moment he opened it the book, someone knocked lightly on his office door.

Before waiting for an answer, the door flew open. Amber came hurdling through it so she could run and throw her arms around Giles' neck, gripping him in a tight hug.

"Giles, Giles, they told me that you might let me stay up occasionally! Is that _true_? That means I get to stay up tonight! Can we watch movies and eat popcorn and candy? Are you gonna stay too so that we can play games and you can read to me? Do I really _have_ to listen to Vi and Holly? They were being _mean_ to me last night. Holly _laughed_ at _me_..." Amber had jumped into his lap and was talking so fast that some of her words ran together and it took him a moment to catch up to what she was saying.

"Amber, slow down, please love." Amber did stop talking but she pouted at the same time and Giles rolled his eyes at that. "I said I'd _think_ about letting you stay up occasionally. If it does happen, then it certainly won't be on a school night, like tonight. Who told you that I had already agreed to it?"

Amber's pout grew even bigger and he chuckled under his breath even as his heart gave a twinge of guilt. "It's not working dear girl. If you don't pull that lower lip in, some vampire will probably bite it off for you someday."

" _Gi-_ les..." She whined and jumped down off of his lap.

He laughed again, grateful that his words had stopped her from pouting. Sometimes when he looked at her when she was pouting, he had to seriously fight off just giving her what she wanted. He'd done the same for Buffy many times in the past, no matter how much he'd love to deny it. It didn't help that Amber looked so very much like Buffy did when she was eight. He'd seen enough pictures to spot all of the similarities... and the few mild differences.

"To answer your other question, yes you _do_ have to listen to both Vi and Holly. They are the oldest and more experienced of the group and, therefore, in charge." Amber's lower lip was starting to make an appearance again. He reached out and poked her in the stomach, tickling her to make it stop. She giggled and pushed his hand away. "As for Holly laughing at you, I did hear the story young lady. You tried to lie and say that I had already given you permission to stay up and she caught you out on it. Didn't she?"

Amber rolled her eyes, then nodded rather solemnly. "I just wanted to see what everyone else was doing. I just _know_ they're having a _ton_ of fun after I go to sleep and I _want_ _to_ _join in_!"

Giles laughed himself. The 'ton of fun' that she thought the rest of the slayers had while she was sleeping, was just several of the group patrolling. Which, granted, as slayers they did love it. But most of that was literally just teaching the newer slayers what to do when they came across different types of foes, which nine out of ten times, was a simple vampire. The slayers who didn't go and patrol were laying down to sleep themselves, so they could take the after 1 AM shift of patrolling.

Giles himself was starting to wonder if they were going to take out every vampire within England at the rate they were going. Not that it would truly be a bad thing. But the lowly vampires did do something for the supernatural populace. They managed to keep the big bad's < _Lord, I hate that they got me using that name for the major enemies all those years ago!_ > from rising up too often. If they rid England of every last vampire, they were going to have to deal with a run of other demons trying to take advantage of that fact.

"Amber, love, I guarantee they're not just waiting for you to go to sleep so they can start to party. All they really do is work or sleep themselves." He heard Amber's low harrumph at his words as she crossed her arms in front of her. "I do, however, think you've had a good idea."

Amber tilted her head with obvious confusion in her expression and looked up at him with her green eyes sparkling. " _I_ had an idea? What was it?"

Giles smiled softly at her. "I think it's high time _everyone_ took a day and night off. We'll see if we can set something up for this weekend where everyone can go to the movies or just out to have fun. You would get to stay up late and hang out with all the other girls. Or, if you'd like, I could take you to the movies myself and maybe invite Willow to come with us? Does that sound like fun?"

Giles winced when she let out a loud screech < _I hate it when she does that_ > and ran towards him to hug him again. All the while talking fast again. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I want to see Willow. She hasn't visited us in _forever_! Why hasn't she been here? And why did Vi say something last night about someone who was visiting Willow who would also be coming to see her and Holly in a few days? _Who's_ visiting Willow?"

Giles closed his eyes for a moment glad that she couldn't see his face while she was hugging him. Trying not to show her how upset he was < _at myself damn it!_ > he quickly concealed his emotions before pulling her away from him. "I'm not sure love. Now, aren't you supposed to be going to your classes? You have maths today right? And if I'm not mistaken, you also have that _dreaded_ computer class."

Giles pulled his glasses off and began to clean them, trying to hide a grin in the process. She hated it when he called her arithmetic classes 'maths' and she adored her computer classes.

Amber put her hands on her hips, groaning in aggravation. " _Gi-_ les... I have _**math**_ every school day! You know that! And my tutor says that the computer will be in-de-den... in-comp-spen..." Amber stomped her foot at being unable to remember the word. "Darn it!"

Giles placed his glasses back on and smiled as he helped her out. "Indispensable?"

She grinned at him, hopping up and down for some strange reason, "Yeah _that_! He says they'll be in-de-spen-si-able," Giles almost laughed when she scrunched up her face as she sounded out the word, "in the future and that everyone should know how to use them. He also said the people who don't know how to use them or hate them will be old numb, gnomeless, Bobby no-manes."

Giles stared at her for nearly a full minute while he tried to work out exactly what she was saying. After it finally hit him, he began to laugh heartily. Amber was looking at him like he'd lost his mind, but she began to laugh with him, probably because she felt that if she didn't, then Giles would think she was dumb.

Giles muffled his laughter when he realized that Amber wasn't sure he if he was laughing at her or not. "Old numpty, gormless, Billy no-mates right? I take it Mr. Saunders told you to make sure I heard that last part?" Amber nodded vigorously, smiling widely at him.

It made perfect sense. Of course Saunders would call him an old, unwise, no friended person who lacked common sense. Saunders and he had been going rounds over the last month over books versus computers. While Giles agreed with him that computers were going to be valuable in the future, he'd told Saunders that, when it came down to it, nothing would _ever_ replace good old fashioned research from books. Information gathered from the internet could always be altered and incorrect. Books that had been written and printed, especially older volumes, were far less likely to be wrong.

He'd have to get Saunders back for that somehow.

Giles reached out, turned Amber around, and patted her on the rump to send her on her way. "Go on. Get to class. I'll see you later, you little scamp."

He heard Amber making one more harrumph sound as she ran out of his office and headed to her classes.

Giles turned back towards his desk still smiling. When he saw the time, the smile dropped off of his face. He had a meeting in five minutes and was going to be late if he didn't get over there now.

< _Christ, at this rate I'm never going to be able to get the information Buffy will probably need or want. Hell, I'll probably never get the answers **I** want if I don't make some time today._>

Grabbing what he needed for the meeting, he took off out the door.

~@~

Buffy, Willow and Dawn all walked into her doctor's office together. Willow and Dawn had been talking the entire ride over, with Buffy interjecting occasionally. Once Buffy had told them about what her brain had come up with, they'd taken it and run with it. When Willow had asked what they thought Xander would be like if he was told he had to do natural childbirth and where the baby would come out, Dawn had made gagging noises while Buffy had laughed so hard she'd nearly hyperventilated...

And she very _nearly_ peed her pants. The doctor had told her she needed to have a full bladder for the ultrasound. At the time, it hadn't seemed so hard, but with all her laughing it was getting harder to hold it. She practically begged Willow and Dawn to stop talking about it after that, telling them what was going on.

It was a good thing that Willow had been driving. Otherwise, they may not have made it in one piece.

As soon as Buffy walked up to the counter to check in, Willow and Dawn had settled down a little bit. It wasn't even two minutes before they called her in.

At first, Buffy went in alone so that she could go over everything that was happening with her doctor, Dr. Squires. After a few routine pregnancy check overs, while her doctor was measuring her stomach, Buffy embarrassingly explained about her libidinous behavior. Dr. Squires suggested a few teas and meditation techniques that might help her out if it became a real issue. Of course, then her doctor had made the one suggestion she hadn't expected.

"You know there is _one_ more thing you could try..." Dr. Squires said with a twinkle in her eye, "You could always take daddy for another roll in the sheets."

The moment she said that Buffy's mind flashed to Giles in bed, making love to her and her face flamed with heat as she blushed from what felt like the top of her head to the bottom of her toes. The thought of the things she could do to him, with him, what he could do to her body, hit her deep in her core and she let out a noise that sounded like 'meep'. < _Whatever the hell that is._ >

She opened and closed her mouth several times, before finally clearing her throat. "Um, I'm not sure that's possible..."

Dr. Squires suddenly stood up a look of contrition on her face. "Oh I'm so sorry Buffy. I just assumed he would still be with you. I'm a doctor, I know I should never assume things like that..."

Buffy shook her head, to which Dr. Squires obviously thought she was responding to her apology. However, she's was still trying to get the image of nude Giles out of it, which didn't seem to be working. All it was doing was make her crave him and it was certainly _not_ the time or place for it. "No, it's okay. He's... um... around and still... I, m-mean..."

Dr. Squires grinned. "Well, then you _could_ follow my suggestion."

Buffy felt her face flame again and closed her eyes. She had to reopen them immediately after because her mind had taken that momentary darkness to flash some truly _terrific_ imaginary Giles images on the back of her eyelids. "Thank you, Dr. Squires. I'll um... I'll take that under advisement..."

"Please Buffy, you can call me Markie." She said as placed her hand on Buffy's arm. "Now everything about the baby seems to be on schedule and looks good. You're taking your prenatal vitamins right?" When Buffy nodded, her doctor continued. "Are you ready to do your ultrasound? I can go get the machine and the technician and come right back in a couple of minutes?"

"Um, yeah. Just let me grab Willow and my sister Dawn. I'll be right back too." Markie nodded and walked out the door. Buffy stood up from the examination chair and had to steady herself for a minute. She felt hot... _extremely_ hot... she fanned her face in response but it didn't really help. Leaving the room, before she went to grab Willow and Dawn she found the restroom and slipped inside.

When she looked in the mirror, she saw she was slightly flushed. Her eyes sparkled, the reflection of what Riley had once called 'bedroom eyes' staring back at her. He'd once mentioned that he knew when she really wanted or needed him to have sex with her, because she always had that exact expression.

" _Fuck_!" She hissed. < _This is so **not** the time for this! Pull yourself together woman!_>

After splashing cold water onto her face and neck several times, she started to focus on calming down. It took a few minutes, but she was finally able to look into the mirror and admit she looked much more sedate. The sound of the water made her want to pee, so that helped immensely too. After a few more minutes, she was finally able to walk out into the waiting room and call Dawn and Willow in.

Willow took one look at her and opened her eyes wide. She started to open her mouth, obviously to ask a question, but closed it a second later when Buffy quickly shook her head no. Buffy glanced towards Dawn and Willow apparently understood.

By the time they got back to the room, Markie was already back herself, with the ultrasound tech next to her. "Okay Buffy, I'm going to leave you in Cicely's very capable hands. She'll do your ultrasound and get you pictures. Be sure to make your next appointment for two weeks from now." Markie glanced at Dawn for a second and then said to Buffy, "Don't forget my recommendations for the different teas and my _other_ suggestions. I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

Buffy flushed again but her doctor was out of the room, so she completely missed it. Willow, however, again opened her mouth then closed it suddenly at the expression on Buffy's face.

The young girl, Cicely, was obviously starting to get impatient, so Buffy climbed back up onto the exam chair, lifted the bottom of her shirt and pushed down the top part of her pants. After getting some _very_ cold jelly squirted onto her lower abdomen, the tech began running some type of device over the area. Buffy shifted uncomfortably when there was pressure straight on what seemed to be her bladder. Cicely sighed and turned to her almost sounding bored, "So you wanna see it right? Want me to turn on the sound so you can hear your baby's heartbeat?"

Buffy nodded, somewhat concerned at how cavalier the girl was being. < _I guess if I looked at ultrasound pictures all day, I might get bored with them too..._ > she thought.

The sound came on and suddenly Dawn was holding her hand. "Oh my god... Buffy there's _really_ a baby in there!" Buffy glanced at her to see tears in her eyes.

Willow snickered at her. "Uh, yeah Dawnie, where ya been?"

"Well, I _know_. It's just... _wow_. It just didn't seem real until just now!" Dawn laughed looking down at Buffy again. "That's _so_ cool!"

During their conversation, Cicely had been making notations on the screen. As soon as she was done, she turned it around to show them. "Right here is the baby's head. You can see its spine, see all those little pearls? It's also got some long legs. You can see the bottom of one of the feet right here. From everything I can see, it looks to be in good shape. The baby's got a _really_ strong heartbeat. I'll put that in your file in case the Doc wants to check it out and make sure there's nuthin wrong with it, ya know, make sure it's not working overtime for a reason. Though I don't think there's really a reason to worry about it. You told Doc Squires you were around twelve weeks along right?"

Buffy nodded, glad to see that Cicely was finally showing some care in what she was doing.

"From what I can tell, that's about a week off. Looks more like thirteen weeks. You want some pictures?" Cicely's voice had gone back to bored in a split second as she passed a cloth to Buffy so she could clean off the gel.

Buffy nodded again, then spoke "Yes, please." She paused then asked her, "So, there is only _one_ baby in there right?"

Cicely looked up at her questioningly. "Well, yeah, that's all I see and hear. Is there supposed to be more than one?"

Buffy shook her head quickly, "No, no. Sorry, I was just worried because I started showing so early. I was also told there could be a possibility of more than one baby by someone who had good reasons to know."

"Oh, well, a lot of women who are thin like you start showin earlier. Sometimes they look even bigger than you, sometimes smaller. No one is really the same. I don't get the twin thing though. Was it the Doc who told you it could be twins or somethin?" Cicely asked reaching down to pull out some papers from a printer under the machine. She handed one set of papers to Buffy, who noticed they were the pictures, then one to each Dawn and Willow.

Dawn jumped up and hugged Cicely, thankfully distracting her from Buffy's questions about twins. "Thank you! My first picture of my niece or nephew. This is so _awesome_!"

Cicely smiled and shrugged, letting herself out of the room and pushing the ultrasound machine in front of her.

Willow looked at her and smiled. "Guess Adrian was wrong, huh?"

Buffy shook her head with a frown. "No... he said that it might be more than one, but he wasn't sure."

Willow stared at her. "Am I imaging this or are you actually _disappointed_ that you're only having one baby?"

Buffy shrugged and looked up at Willow, who noticed her eyes looked shinier than usual. "I guess I figured if I was only gonna get one shot at having kids, it might've been nice to have two of them. It's not like I'm gonna be able to find a man to date me when I'm a mother, a slayer and plus the fact that the only way I've been able to get pregnant is by some ancienty magic that decided; hey, since my Watcher was being a bastard, then I should have _his_ kid!"

Dawn, who had been distracted staring at the picture, looked up at her words. "Um... Buffy? I'm sure this isn't your only chance. Just because this is a magical pregnancy doesn't mean you can't get pregnant the regular way, does it?"

Buffy, startled, looked at her. "How did you know it's a magical pregnancy?" Buffy asked, finally standing up from the exam chair and straightening out her clothes. "And no... As far as I'm aware _,_ it shouldn't affect my future childbearing capabilities. But really Dawn, how did you know?"

Dawn snorted and looked at her. "You mean besides the fact that you _just_ said it? I also heard everything last night when Giles showed up." When Buffy and Willow continued to stare at her, she snorted in amusement. "You guys _seriously_ think I didn't hear you and Giles arguing last night? Was I supposed to run out and jump in the middle shouting; Hey, hey, pay attention to me!? Or hey, how about an even dumber idea? I'll walk up to the next demi-god I meet and say 'Hi, I'm a magical key, ask me how!'" While Buffy and Willow were now gaping at her, she started laughing. "Come on guys! I'm almost seventeen, not _stupid_. No _way_ was I going make myself visible while Giles was _that_ angry."

They started walking, Buffy stopping in the bathroom long enough to finally go pee. When she came out of the restroom, they all began walking towards the exit. Dawn suddenly stopped right in front of them, causing Buffy and Willow to run into her. "Wait... did you just say the baby is _Giles'_?"

Both Buffy and Willow, laughing now, stepped around her and kept going. "Just caught that now, huh Dawnie?" Willow tossed back behind her.

Dawn stood there for a minute, then started laughing so hard that she almost couldn't catch her breath. As she ran to catch up with them, her one thought was, < _Ohmygod! I **so** called it!_>


	8. Turn the Page and Skip to the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **My sister and my 5 year old niece just lost everything they own in a fire today, February 1, 2021. If you can help please do!**
> 
> **https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-for-rachel-and-shyanne?utm_source=customer &utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp_guide_do**

~@~

After four meetings, a very brief lunch, another meeting, then tea time, Giles was more than ready to start screaming. For some reason, it seemed like every single person wanted or needed something from him. Every time he started to head back to his office, someone would pop up in front of him, tap him on the shoulder, call him on his cell phone, or in one very apoplectic case, _literally_ push him into a room by a Watcher who idiotically tried to justify his actions as an 'emergency', only for Giles to find out he was _simply_ missing paperwork. Davies had since been sent home for a week with no pay and Giles was seriously considering demoting or even firing the twit.

If all of that wasn't bad enough, Andrew had come to him with an update that some of the slayers had spoken to him and claimed, when they'd done patrol the night before, that they'd seen some 'tall purply slimy thing with horns'. Unfortunately, Andrew failed to mention that he didn't check with Vi and Holly about the sightings. After he'd already sent over some junior Watchers to get some books from one of the Council libraries, Vi had contacted him and told him that what they had really seen was a simple chaos demon. She told Giles it had only looked purple because of a neon light that the damn thing had been standing under.

By the time he was finally able to get into his office and shut the door behind him, his temper was getting the better of him. When he sat down and reached for Quentin's journal again, his phone rang and he was officially done.

"Who is this and what the bloody hell do you want?" Giles said as he yanked the phone off the cradle. When silence and the sound of someone breathing met him at his question he suddenly realized how he'd answered the phone and shame rushed through him. "I'm _terribly_ sorry. Please excuse my behavior. This is Rupert Giles, what can I help you with?"

"Giles?" The sound of Dawn's voice on the other end of the line made Giles even further ashamed. "Um hi... I um... "

"Oh, Dawn I'm so very _very_ sorry. Today's been... well, there really is simply no excuse." Giles voice was contrite as he closed his eyes and shook his head lightly.

"It's okay Giles. I really just... well I thought maybe we could get together this weekend. I've missed you..." Dawn sighed on the other end of the line, muttering under her breath, her voice embarrassed, "Not as much as _Buffy_ has. She thinks I'm friggin _deaf_ in the middle of the night."

Her words were something he was almost certain she hadn't meant to say loud enough for him hear. The statement made him wonder exactly what she was talking about but he wasn't about to press for more information. It also sounded like something rather um... well suffice to say he wasn't going to acknowledge it.

"I'm planning on a forced break for everyone this weekend. I _was_ intending to take one of the slayers, Amber, to the movies, but I think it might be better to do something else during the day instead. Would you like to join us? I also intend on seeing if Willow wanted to come since Amber has been missing her and desperately wants to see her." He told her happily, "I'd love for you meet her. She's pretty special." 

Dawn was silent on the other end of the phone.

"Dawn?"

"Yeah, sorry Giles. Um... are you _sure_? It kinda sounds like something that you might want to do _alone_ with Amber. Are you sure if she'll be okay with me tagging along?" For a moment, Giles wondered why Dawn sounded so strange. He shrugged it off.

"Don't be silly Dawn. She's very sweet, even if she is a little rapscallion. I'm sure you'll get along with each other fine."

After a few more brief words, he let Dawn go and hung up the phone in a much better mood. Giles looked at the clock and realized that he might finally have enough time to go through Quentin's journal.

He opened the book and began to read...

> **Quentin Travers Watchers Journal**
> 
> January 20th, 1999
> 
> Rupert Giles has failed his part of the Tento di Cruciamentum. After much discussion with the Council and some help with the mystics in our employ, we now know for certain that it is 'the bond'. Unfortunately, unlike in the past, we were not able to monitor this slayer and her Watcher as closely as needed and it is now too late to fix the situation. If we had been watching them with more vigilance, we would have caught this situation in time to assign a new Watcher (probably a female) instead, before it solidified. However, what has been done can no longer be undone. It has gone too far. If we are to deal with the providence of the situation, then we must deal with the penalties of our misinterpretation as well. We had obviously provided Rupert and his slayer too much latitude and because of that, they can no longer be separated. Not with distance, but with emotion...

Giles rolled his eyes.

"Bloody hell, Quentin, you wrote with as much blathering as you did when you spoke," Giles muttered to himself as he quickly speed read through the less pertinent parts.

He furrowed his brow, confused about whatever this bond was though. He'd _never_ heard of such a thing. It was not something they'd covered in Watcher training, despite the fact that it appeared to be an important issue.

When he got to the next major passage, he read it carefully.

> …as much as I wished to demand Rupert return to England, I knew the distance and time would only result in emotional separation, which could, therefore, result in the same consequences that written history shows four past slayers have had to endure. That is something that MUST NOT HAPPEN. Ms. Summers and Rupert Giles will not have the luxury of any type of major emotional conflict between them in their future. Betrayals will hurt worse than any normal Watcher/slayer pairing, as will heartaches, both separate and alone.
> 
> Any further solidifying of their bond, such as them growing close enough to, GOD FORBID, become lovers, and it will result in their life forces bonding as well, just as they have other Watcher/slayers in the past. Anything that causes a deep enough rift to damage their bond to the point of breaking will result in the same magical ways that have been met out in the past as well. However, due to the stubbornness of both this particular slayer and Watcher, a future separation should not be a problem. They are both too tightly linked, their bond formed is so solid that it would be near impossible to weaken it, much less break it. This slayer and her Watcher are not likely to have issues in the future.
> 
> There is also one more thing that will work in favour of the situation. He loves his slayer. From what we witnessed, for now, it is purely paternal. Unfortunately, with the bond that is now solidified, that will change over time.

With a quick indrawn breath, he put the journal down and closed his eyes.

Even as far back as Buffy's 18th birthday, Quentin had known that he would fall in love with Buffy? How in the bloody hell had Quentin known and why had he not informed him of this inevitability?

Quentin had loved to lord his knowledge over Giles with every chance he got. He reveled in keeping the important information under lock and key. At least, until they jumped through every hoop and climbed every ladder that the Council threw their way.

The main thing was, despite his demands, he had _always_ given Giles the information that was integral to the duty of being a Watcher to an active slayer.

Yet, in this one area, one of the most important things that could affect both him and Buffy, Quentin Travers had decided to not even acknowledge the situation? To not even warn him that this was a possibility?

Giles flipped the page, hoping that Quentin had moved on from his complaints of his feelings for Buffy. Quentin certainly had a maddening view of what he considered important. Apparently, despite the fact that Quentin was dead, his ability to piss off Giles still existed, even though the man himself did not.

Giles tried to focus on the important parts, essentially anything that mentioned this bond. Unfortunately, Quentin had, once again, decided to over explain things without giving any further real information.

> …it isn't just that love that will cause the problems in the future. The bond they share is unique and unlike that which has been seen in my lifetime, as well as any other Watchers currently alive. A bond of this level has not been witnessed since 1914 with the slayer Rose O'Mulriain and her Watcher Nathaniel Fairweather. To which I must refer to Mr. Fairweather's Watcher Diaries to find out the full details. As I will not have access to them until we return to England, for now I can only speculate.

Giles flipped through the next few pages. Whatever Quentin had found in Fairweather's Watcher Diaries, he certainly hadn't written it down.

After about four more pages, he saw Quentin ranting about how Buffy was an 'impudent spoiled child who should have been brought to England and taught just how little of importance she is'. He decided to skip over that section. That _had_ to be about the time that Buffy quit the Council. Giles really wasn't in the mood to read it.

For the next ten to fifteen pages, there was nothing of real importance. Apparently, during the year and a half after Buffy had quit the Council, they really _weren't_ doing anything besides sitting around on their collective arses and pouting because they had nothing to do.

There _were_ notes about Faith and their attempts to rein her in after she woke up from her coma. Some of Buffy and Faith's confrontations were pretty detailed and he had no idea how Quentin had found out about that information. Apparently, Quentin had also believed that Faith and Buffy switched bodies because Collins had told him the whole story. Weatherby, himself, had also informed Quentin that he hadn't cared who was in that body, because Buffy had made a mockery of the Watchers Council almost as much as Faith had. The both of them had been prepared and happy to kill Faith's body either way.

Giles startled at that. If Collins and Weatherby hadn't already been dead, he probably would have hunted down the bastards himself and taken them both out. They'd known, or at least suspected, that it really was Buffy in Faith's body and they hadn't cared one damn bit.

A little further on, Quentin had detailed Faith's willing subjection into prison and her relationship with 'Angelus'.

Giles laughed sardonically at that.

The Watchers had never really taken to the fact that Angel and Angelus were different creatures. Not entirely different. No, not entirely at all. There were some things about Angelus that always had a mild touch of Angel and vice versa.

After Giles finished laughing, he kept going. On a quick glance through, there was no further information about this bond that existed between him and Buffy. Giles stopped when he reached the dates of their arrival for Buffy's supposed review, for which they had promised information about Glory.

> We are on our way back to England now that Buffy Summers has agreed to rejoin the Council. It is not as she wishes to think, that we came to her to 'beg for our jobs back'. Ridiculous audacious child!
> 
> One problem we now have is that, unless I am mistaken, we are too late. It is quite obvious that both Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers have become lovers. Under observation, you can plainly see their love, devotion, and attraction for one another. Because of this fact, Rupert Giles is now tied to his slayers life bond. There is no real precedence on how we are to handle this situation. In the past, the bond was never allowed to fully form. If one began then it always dealt with quickly and quietly by simply changing out a Watcher from those family lines to a Watcher whom did not have those blood ties. Even better if we replaced the Watcher with a female. However, with this solidified bond, does the Watcher now die too if the slayer dies? We must deal with the impropriety of this situation as soon as possible.

Giles rolled his eyes and flipped through a few more pages. Of course, Quentin would assume that he and Buffy had become lovers. So atypical of a man who thought a Watcher caring for their slayer was a detriment.

> After much research, I found that there are only four Watcher Diaries of which are of important in dealing with the complications of the bond. These four are the ones that led to the ancient magic working its will, which in turn then led them to try to reunite with their slayers. Unfortunately, much like a majority of every other Watcher diary, two of these Diaries also all cut off just before the slayers last battle. I am still unsure if that is due to the Watchers dying because of their life bonds being tied, or if the Watchers themselves just gave up recording what happened, or even when they just disappeared afterwards. I do feel the Watchers were not important. In this case, the slayers should have been brought forth and those pregnancies terminated as soon as possible. Had it been me in charge they would not have given birth or stayed with their same Watcher any further.

"Pregnancies? What pregnancies? Are they the same type as Buffy's? Are you bloody kidding me?" Giles tossed the notebook across the room angrily, watching as it hit the wall. When it fell to the floor a loose sheet slid out from somewhere in the middle. Giles sighed, got out of his chair and walked over to pick it up. He flipped the paper over only to see Buffy's name written more hastily than it had been written in the rest of the notebook.

> The slayer, Buffy Summers is dead.
> 
> I appear to have been wrong. Rupert and his slayer must not have become lovers before her death. I must say, I'm very surprised at this situation. Whilst we were there to reveal information about Glory, their devotion to one another was quite obvious. The bond between them had been practically palpable, and extremely obvious, when we saw them together those few months ago. Even Ms. Hutchison had seen the existence of the bond and she is not one of our brightest employees (I had to explain to her on our plane ride back about the bond and what it meant for Rupert and Ms. Summers).
> 
> Nevertheless, Buffy Summers is now dead, and we have a Watcher who (once he gets over his 'over the top' grief) has actually had a slayer and will available to teach back at headquarters.

"Cold blooded bastard!" Giles hissed under his breath while his heart clenched in his chest. < _What the bloody hell was wrong with him? He knew **nothing** of the anguish of losing a slayer!_>

He couldn't believe how Travers had written so callously about Giles' grief over Buffy's death, as if he was just coming back from some generic assignment that had a random mishap along the way. At the time that Travers had been writing these notes, Giles clearly remembered that he'd just arrived the day before, after leaving what had been his family for many years at that point. He'd sequestered himself away in his new flat, drunk and barely feeling anything, only rousing himself from his misery when one of the others had called him.

Conversing with Dawn that night took the most effort and that alone had been practically torture that had felt worse than anything Angelus had done to him. He clenched his teeth and continued reading, despite his urge to throw the damn notebook across the room again.

> I am still not certain if Ms. Summer's death will call another slayer, but I don't think it will. However, I am in the knowledge that there may be a reason it does not. There is something of her lingering about. The mystics still see something small tethered to Rupert's soul and they tell me that the slayer may come back to life somehow. I have managed to find over fifty other Watcher Diaries that talk about this bond, but absolutely none of them discuss a situation where the slayer dies and comes back. If that had happened in the past, she wouldn't have been the one girl in the world. We would have had several slayer lines running active by now.
> 
> What is it about Rupert's bond with his slayer that makes her death a temporary state and not permanent? And is there a possibility of Ms. Summers coming back again? Should I tell Rupert? I feel the possibility would only cause him more grief if it does not happen. Thankfully, we will no longer have to worry about the results of an upheaval the likes of the four slayers I mentioned in my journal on November 20th, 1999. However, I do feel we should look into the bond even more closely than before. If it is able to help slayers stay alive longer, then we may want to encourage it in future slayers, unlike in the past...

Giles crouched down to grab the notebook that was still laying spread out on the floor and quickly flipped to see if he could find the date the loose-leaf sheet mentioned.

> November 20, 1999
> 
> After weeks of research I have finally found out what the ancient magicks have forced upon the slayers and Watchers of the past. We still have so little information. Such as where this magic comes from? Has it happened even further back and it was not recorded? We need to find out as much of the history of these magicks as possible, and yet, we are sorely lacking the material that needs to be referenced! What we do have is merely the information of the four Watchers and slayers in the most recent history. Perhaps before that time they didn't bother to dictate it in the journals. I am unsure as to why they would not record it, but this cannot possibly only have happened in recent history! The witches we have on payroll are willing to work with us in looking into the magic to see if they can find the root of it and where it originates from.
> 
> Strange as it may seem, no one can figure out where it comes from! Sineya didn't even have a Watcher! As much as I would like to believe that the magicks coming into play go that far back, I get the impression that it has nothing to do with her and the beginning of the slayer line. The witches say it is ancient, but not primordial, which reinforces my theory. The Watchers were founded so many years later, yet, the slayers before we even came into practice did have someone looking out for them. They may not have been called Watchers, but they played the role just the same. The magicks had to have come into practice during that time in which the Council did not exist in the official context.
> 
> What the bloody hell were the ones who imposed this thinking! It's unfathomable as to who would want this type of bond between a parental figure of a child that will die and simply be replaced by another. Perhaps that was or is part of the problem. Those particular Watchers did not feel simply 'paternal feelings' towards their slayers. The Watchers who have had the problems with the bond are ones who have the very oldest of bloodlines in the Council, which are, of course, the Watchers who are normally assigned a slayer or potential. It is not for the Watchers whose families are too new into the fold and therefor are very rarely assigned a slayer.
> 
> The Watcher Diaries for Nathaniel Fairweather (for his slayer Rose O'Mulriain), William Henry Allen (for his slayer Mary Delia Tharrington), Isaac Tharrington (for his slayer Genevieve Quinn), and Charlton Tanqueray (for the slayer Matilda Ellingwood) are the only four that are of importance right now. All four slayers and Watchers were separated due to emotional upheaval and three of those slayers were reunited with their Watchers under the same circumstances. They all had an Immaculate Conception pregnancy with the child being the Watcher's baby.
> 
> Due to this information, I must wonder if the very first Immaculate Conception recorded in all of history was also by the slayer magicks in play. It is possible that the Virgin Mary could have been a slayer, though I do think that we would have known if...

Giles stopped reading suddenly, his eyes flying back to the last sentence of the previous passage to reread it again. Shaking his head, thinking he'd read it wrong, he tried _again_. As a last ditch effort, Giles whipped his glasses off and swiftly cleaned them while still crouched down. When he put his glasses back on read it for the fourth and final time, his knees gave out from his crouch and dropped him onto his arse. He closed his eyes and only one word came to voice...

"Fuck."

< _Oh, dear lord!_ >

The baby Buffy was currently pregnant with was his child. **_His_**.

So Quentin had known this was a possibility and never bothered mentioning it to Giles even once.

None of this made any bloody sense. The fact that the baby was his meant that this bond, whatever it was, was more powerful than even Quentin had obviously realized. When he'd written about the babies being the Watchers children, it was as if he'd thought it was more hypothetical and not at all possible, despite the facts he'd obviously seen proof otherwise written in those particular Watchers Diaries.

Shoving the fact that the baby was his to the back of his mind, Giles suddenly thought of another thing that had absolutely _no_ logical reasoning. Mainly, why hadn't these magicks worked their will when Giles had come back to England the second time? As Buffy had stated before he left, she told him he was 'abandoning her'. Shouldn't this bond have enforced its magic and completed its cycle then?

Buffy was alive, they had this bond, whatever that was, and that separation _should_ have caused the magicks to work their will. So why hadn't Quentin sent him right back to Sunnydale? Had Quentin been running an experiment by waiting to see if Buffy would just turn up pregnant or had he just decided that Giles and Buffy were still close enough emotionally at the time, that it wasn't a possibility?

The irony of the fact that Buffy _hadn't_ ended up pregnant at that time was not lost on him. There had to be a reason why they'd not had to deal with this issue back before Willow had gone overboard with the magicks. Throughout that separation, when Giles had come back to England, he had barely spoken to any of the Scoobies, much less Buffy.

< _Christ, after all this time of never once using that name for them, did I **really** just give in now? Fucking hell!_>

When Giles had finally looked back, he'd seen how he'd essentially almost completely withdrawn himself from their lives without even meaning to.

He hadn't forgotten them. Not even remotely. He thought of Buffy every single day, wondering why she hadn't called him. He'd thought about calling her many times, but something always held him back. He didn't know if it was her anger at the way he'd left or his reluctance to find out how badly he was hated because of his abandonment. After he'd been released from the hospital and stayed with Buffy and Dawn for those two weeks, they had discussed their lack of communication over that time in both great length and detail.

If that didn't count as emotional separation, betrayal, or even just a strain to this bond then why had she not become pregnant until Sunnydale's Hellmouth was beginning to eat everything in its path?

Giles sighed.

He was going to have to talk to Buffy about this and he was dreading it. She was already so < _somewhat_ > justifiably angry at him for everything he'd done to her over the past few months and now, not only was he was going to have to also tell her she was tied to him, but on top of that, the baby she was currently carrying was his.

< _Oh, dear lord... how on earth am I going to tell her that this is all **my** fault? If I hadn't betrayed her, if I had only told her the truth, none of this would have happened. I have no idea what she would've said if I told her I was in love with her, but I know it wouldn't be good. What the bloody hell is she going to say to me? I'm fairly certain, had she the choice, she wouldn't want to be attached to me in this way... hell in **any** way. The very thought of the fact that she's pregnant with her, as she'd stated before, 'very old and gross' Watchers child, might upset her more than anything else._>

One thing was definitely clear. He needed to know more about this bond. Despite the fact that Quentin had researched it, Giles still had resources that the other man hadn't mentioned and some he wouldn't have even dreamed of. He also wondered if he was wasting his time on the Council notes. Quentin hadn't mentioned them so he wasn't even remotely sure they were even looked into, much less, if anything had been found. He needed to get the rest of the Watcher Diaries from Willow. It sounded very much like they had some information to which he could find out more.

Giles looked at his clock. Might as well get it over with and go see Buffy before it got even later.


	9. I Search Only for Something I Can't See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm so sorry this took an extra couple of days to post. I've been in contact with a couple of news channels because my sister and my five year old niece, lost _everything_ they own in a fire on February 1, 2021. If you can help, please do!**   
> 
> 
> [ **Gofundme** ](https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-for-rachel-and-shyanne)

~@~

After the three of them had left Buffy's appointment, they'd gone to lunch. The entire time Willow and Dawn had sat there going over the ultrasound pictures, Buffy had been thinking.

She knew that if Giles was aware the baby was his, then he would have wanted to take part in seeing the baby and taking her to her appointments. She had to wonder if he was going to be upset with her when he found out. Especially if she didn't tell him soon enough for him to be able to participate in the milestones that would be coming up during her pregnancy.

While Buffy had been lost in her thoughts, Willow had a few of her own. Buffy had been quiet the entire lunch and every time Willow had looked at her she'd seen the same expression. She was starting to wonder if Buffy even realized that whenever she thought of Giles, she got that same look on her face, dreamy and unfocused. With the glow her pregnancy was giving her, the expression gave her an ethereal beauty. Several of the men around them had not only looked at her, but actually made overt moves hoping to catch her attention. However, she hadn't seen a single one. It didn't even seem to matter to any of the men that she was obviously pregnant. They took one look at her ring finger and automatically tried to get her attention. A few hadn't even bothered to glance at her hand at all.

It was getting plainly obvious to Willow that Buffy was hiding more than she realized. Not only from everyone else, but from herself as well. Despite the anger between the two of them, Willow was starting to suspect that Buffy was in love with Giles, even if she didn't know it herself.

They finished up lunch and Willow had to call Buffy's name twice before she realized that both she and Dawn were already standing and ready to go.

Willow drove them back to her apartment and Dawn got out excitedly saying she was going to call Lissa so she could tell her about the appointment and send her a photo of the ultrasound picture. They all made their way inside. The moment the door opened Dawn took off back to her room and Willow asked if Buffy wanted tea. Buffy agreed distractedly and sat down on the couch, again with that same look on her face. She was still sitting there when Willow came in with the tea pot and set everything down on her coffee table.

Buffy startled when she felt Willow sit down next to her.

"So have you told him yet?" Willow said, smiling.

Buffy looked at her confused. "About the baby being his? You know I haven't. I'm still trying to figure out _how_ to tell him."

Willow smiled as she made her tea and sat back. "It's rather ironic that you knew I was talking about Giles..." Willow said grinning mischievously, "And that's _not_ what I was talking about Buffy. Have you told Giles you're in love with him?"

Buffy's eyes grew wide as she stared at Willow. "What are you talking about Wil? I'm not... I'm attracted to him, yes, lust after him, most _definitely_ , but in _love_ with him? I..."

Willow shrugged and waited for Buffy to get her tea. "Okay, not that. What about what your doctor was talking about when she mentioned her recommendations?"

Buffy face turned scarlet faster than Willow had ever seen it. She laughed. "Okay, it _must_ be interesting. So, what was she talking about?"

"I told her about how frustrated I've been lately and asked her for suggestions. She told me about some teas and meditation techniques. That's _all_." Buffy said quickly, her face still bright red as she stared down at her lap.

"Come on Buffy! We both know that something else was said! Don't hold out on me now. Do you want me to send Dawn with you back to the B&B?" Willow laughed when Buffy scowled at her, her blush fading, obviously at the idea of having to share the room with Dawn in her current state.

Buffy had to know that she was kidding, but Willow was seriously starting to wonder what could be so embarrassing that had Buffy blushing intensely every time it was mentioned. When Buffy opened and closed her mouth several times, Willow arched her eyebrow up in question.

Buffy finally relented, "She also made the suggestion that I should take the father for another 'roll in the sheets' as she so eloquently put it." She said her blush renewing. " _Happy_?"

Willow couldn't help it, she burst out laughing and Buffy scowled at her again. At first Buffy just continued frowning at her and after a few minutes, she began to laugh along. "So, I take it the fact that you and he haven't 'done the deed', as you put it when you first told me about it, hasn't come up? She is a Council doctor. She _does_ know the kind of things that happen around slayers. Hell, she knows the kind of things that happen in general, magic notwithstanding."

Buffy closed her eyes while she continued to chuckle. "Yeah, but do you think they covered immaculate conception in medical or in Watcher training? I'm sure a medical condition that hasn't been seen since the Virgin Mary was right up there with 'What to do when your slayer needs to learn how to hold a stake the proper way.'"

Willow's laughter, which had started to taper off suddenly came back full force. Buffy joined her, both of them unable to do anything for a few minutes due to the potency of their giggling.

After they began to calm down again Willow looked at her with a twinkle in her eye. "Have you thought about taking her advice? Giles just might be willing to help you out with the frustration. Hell, you could even tell him he's responsible for it so he's _required_ to."

"Willow!" Buffy practically screamed as she blushed, yet again.

Dawn came running out of her room looking around for whatever was attacking, holding her phone to her ear "What? Lissa hold on! What? What's going on?" When all she found was Buffy and Willow laughing she shook her head, muttered, "You guys are weird," and went back into her room.

Buffy laughter tapered off and she sat back, closing her eyes. After only a few hours sleep and how much crying she'd done the night before she was getting extremely tired. She heard Willow get up, probably to make more tea, but her mind was elsewhere again.

She zoned out, her mind working overtime even as she began to relax. Ever since she'd found out the baby was Giles' she kept imagining what her life would be like with him. If he was not just the father of her baby, but her best friend and lover as well.

< _Is Willow **right**? Am I in love with Giles?_>

Sensing movement around her, Buffy snapped her eyes open with a jolt, suddenly realizing she was still sitting on Willow's couch. She turned to see Willow standing next to her holding a blanket. Apparently, she'd been just about to cover Buffy with it.

Buffy smiled at her and stood up, stretching her arms above her. "I guess I should get back to the B&B. I'm more tired than I thought. "

Willow folded the blanket and put it on the back of her couch. "You know, Buff, maybe you _should_ try to get a little more sleep in the next few days. I didn't really want to say anything, but you've looked more and more tired every time I see you. Aren't pregnant women supposed to sleep a lot?"

Buffy frowned at Willow, her eyebrows moving down in consternation, "Is that a hint from you trying to tell me I've been looking like crap lately?"

Willow arched her own eyebrow at Buffy, a half smile gracing her lips and, out of nowhere, Buffy nearly burst out crying. < _That's how Tara used to smile._ > She thought, her mind going back to a time when Willow was so blissful and completely in love. At that very moment, more than anything in the world, Buffy suddenly wished she could turn back time and give Tara back to her. She wanted so badly to see Willow happy, she would've damn near given anything < _Except this baby!_ > just to make Willow smile the way she had when she'd looked at Tara.

Buffy suddenly realized how morose she was being and sighed. It took her a moment to grasp her emotions and tamper them down. < _Damn these pregnancy hormones!_ >

After a few seconds of chastising herself, Buffy cleared her mind and realized that Willow had said something to her and she'd completely missed it.

"Buffy, seriously..." Willow said, concern coating her voice, "you're starting to worry me."

"Wil, you think you and Dawn'll be all right for the rest of the day alone? I had planned on staying over here to make sure you didn't have to handle her, but I'm so damn exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open."

"Yeah Buff. I'm pretty sure I can handle a sixteen year old who spends ninety percent of her time, _on her phone_ in her room. I can make us some dinner. Just make sure you eat tonight too."

"I will. I promise."

Buffy went to knock on Dawn's door, only for her sister to fling it open just as she started. For some reason, her slayer reflexes didn't kick in and she ended up knocking on Dawn's collarbone.

Dawn grinned at her while laughing. "Um, hey Buffy? Are you trying to abuse me, ya know, your younger sister, or am I just a convenient door?"

Buffy sighed, looking up at her sister and a couple of thoughts came unbidden to her mind. < _When did she grow up and become such an adult? For that matter, when did she become so much taller than me?_ >

Without even thinking twice, she pulled Dawn to her and hugged her tightly. "You know I love you, right, Dawn?"

Dawn's eyebrows shot upwards as she looked towards Willow in puzzlement. "Uh yeah, Buffy. I love you too."

Buffy pulled back and looked up at Dawn again, this time with tears in her eyes. "I... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. I'm not sure I've told you that in a while. You're getting to be so grown up."

Dawn fought against and just barely managed not to roll her eyes, before she smiled at Buffy. "Um, thank you Buffy. Do you think that..." she bit her lip, trying not to laugh as she continued, "...maybe you should go get some rest?"

Buffy smiled then suddenly turned and grabbed Willow as well, hugging her tightly. "I love you too, Willow. So much."

After she pulled away from Willow, she turned back to Dawn. "I'll be by tomorrow morning to pick you up so we can go apartment hunting. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

It was taking everything Dawn had in her to stop from giggling. She saw Willow covering her smile behind Buffy, obviously having her own problems with holding it in. "You mean flat hunting, right Buffy?"

Buffy rolled her own eyes at that and muttered something that sounded like 'Whatever' before she grabbed Dawn one more time and hugged her again saying, "I'll see you tomorrow. You're _so_ grown up! I really do love you." before she left.

About a minute after Buffy walked out the door, both Willow and Dawn couldn't hold it in anymore and busted out laughing. Willow, fighting through her giggles, looked at Dawn "Gotta _love_ those pregnancy hormones right, Dawnie?"

Dawn grinned at her. " _Definitely_."

Their giggling took over for quite a while.

~@~

After they'd managed to calm down a little, Willow started making dinner for the two of them. They were still chuckling every now and then, especially when Dawn started telling her some of the other things that Buffy had done during the weeks it had taken to make plans to move to England. Every time Dawn told Willow about another strange, out of character thing that Buffy had done, it sent Willow into gales of laughter.

They calmed down completely when they sat down to eat. After a few minutes of silence, Dawn looked up to find Willow looking at her expectantly.

"What?"

Willow smiled at her softly. "Dawn, I know you've been wanting to talk to me about something since you got here. It's not a stretch to see that on your expressions. Not to mention the fact that you wanted _so_ badly to stay here." She saw Dawn about to protest and put her hand up, "No sweetie. I know you also wanted to spend time with me. I get that. I missed you too."

Dawn snorted, grinning at her. "Well, when was I supposed to talk to you? While Giles and Buffy were arguing, or while Buffy was afraid to leave me here with you because she thought you'd get bored with trying to keep me entertained?" Dawn shook her head still chuckling. "I swear sometimes she thinks I'm _still_ five years old and need to be watched every second of the day. Other times, it's like you saw just before she left. It's been that way since just after Sunnydale. Which, now that I _think_ about it, it makes perfect sense. Must've been those mothering instincts kicking in..."

Willow laughed with her for a minute, then nodded her head looking at her, "I know, between everything that's been going on we just haven't had the time. So, what is it that you need my help with?"

After a minute, both of them eating bites of food, Dawn tried to tell her about Lissa. She wasn't sure she was explaining it right, but she tried to get everything across the best she could. Willow pushed her empty plate out of the way and began asking questions. Some of the answers Dawn knew, others, she had no idea and told Willow such.

After everything was as thoroughly explain as it was going to get, Willow tilted her head and looked at Dawn questioningly. "What is it exactly that you want to do, Dawnie? I'm sure we can think of something, but I'm not sure how we'd go about it. I can definitely check with the coven to see if they can help though."

Dawn's eyes furrowed as she thought it over. "I think I just want to see if there's _anything_ we can do to help her. I don't like the fact that, now, we're finally living in England, she's still stuck in Rome, only now it's without _any_ support system at all. Buffy practically adopted her over the last six weeks because she was always at the apartment, but there was really nothing that she could do about the situation before we left either."

Willow stood up and smiled at her. "Well, I guess I better call Miss Hartness." Willow pointed at Dawn's mostly empty plate and grinned, "Make sure you finish all of that. I already had to get Buffy to promise to eat. You're both entirely too skinny, which is probably the reason that Buffy's baby bump is so very noticeable."

As Willow walked back to her room, she heard Dawn giggling behind her. The moment she got back to her room, she called Miss Hartness and explained the situation. She could actually hear the older woman smiling at her through the telephone. "Willow dear, we've already had signs that indicate something to this effect. A few of the seers have seen this girl, they just didn't know _who_ she was. Call Dani. She has more information. She's the one who's been making the plans to find out how we'd locate her."

"Why didn't I know about this?" Willow said, frowning in confusion.

She heard Miss Hartness chuckling on the other end of the line. "Willow, we've been spending the majority of our time figuring out the connection between the slayer and Watcher bloodlines. This girl, I believe you said her name was Lissa?"

"Yes"

"Well, the seer's have been looking for this girl for other reasons. We've been getting some signs of a battle somewhere on the horizon. When the seer's looked for something to explain it, _that's_ when they saw this girls face. We've discovered that, this girl Lissa is a witch who could change the fate of the outcome, depending on the circumstances. It was something we discussed at the meeting tonight. The one that, both you and Rupert, unfortunately missed. You would have been apprised of the situation later." Miss Hartness paused as if something suddenly occurred to her, "Come to think of it... how did you find out about it?"

After Willow explained about Dawn, Miss Hartness sighed. "Of course, of _course_. The slayers sister _would_ be enmeshed into this. It does make a certain amount of sense that there would be a connection between the two already."

After a quick discussion about a few more coven issues, Willow and Miss Hartness got off the phone with one another.

She dialed Dani's number with a small thrill going through the moment the other woman answered. "Willow, I was just thinking about you. Are you ready for Saturday night? I can't wait to see you."

Willow smiled softly. "I'm looking forward to it too, Dani, I promise." she said tenderly before continuing, "Unfortunately, this is about another factor entirely. Miss Hartness told me to talk to you about a young witch who is going to be important for a coming battle. She told me to discuss the girl with you because you're the one who's been working on the situation. I have information on who she is."

Willow and Dani talked for over an hour. By the time they were finished, she knew that Dawn was going to be happy with what actions they were going to take.

Just as she went to knock on Dawn's door to discuss their plans, someone knocked on her _own_ front door. She cocked her head, moving towards it wondering who in the heck would be stopping by her apartment after eight on a weekday.

~@~

When Buffy got back to the B&B, she made sure to eat an early dinner before she lay down to get some sleep. Not just because she'd promised Willow, but also because she wanted to stay healthy for the baby. Anything she did or didn't do would affect the baby. She was just starting to realize that, much like when Giles left her to go back to England, she hadn't been taking care of herself the way she needed to. Though it was strange because nothing had even felt off at all about her pregnancy. She should have had more things happening to her, should have been worried about problems with it.

But she hadn't worried about it at all. It was like she had a deep ingrained feeling that her pregnancy was going to go perfectly, despite her emotions, hormones or other changes it made to her body. She knew without a _single_ doubt that the baby was going to be born totally and completely healthy, and that she would suffer no complications whatsoever. It had never even occurred to her that there _could_ be issues.

Maybe it was the magic that was in play or slayers/mothers instincts < _probably just the magicks Buffy_ > but there was nothing, excepting for her death _before_ she had the baby, that would kill or damage it.

After eating, she went up to her room, changed into her night clothes and stared at herself in the mirror. Her baby bump was becoming more and more pronounced every day. It wasn't like her pregnancy was accelerated. She knew it was going to take the usual nine months < _well, five months three weeks now_ > but she still felt something was off about how much she was showing. < _Of course, I'm probably just imagining it. Seriously, again, who the hell have I ever met that's been pregnant? We've had no one whatsoever in our lives that had a kid._ > She was still so young when her mother had been pregnant with Dawn, so she only had vague images of the way she looked. That was the last time she'd ever been around someone who was pregnant. Yes, she knew those memories were false, but these days she looked at them as if they were real. Her sister was real, so her memories had become just as real to her.

But, of course, that had nothing to do with the current situation.

After brushing her teeth and doing her nightly beauty ritual, something she'd been seriously slacking off at lately, Buffy lay down and tried to sleep.

Sleep, however, was completely elusive. Instead, her mind kept circling Willow's words over and over. She ended up asking herself the same question she'd thought of at Willow's place, right before Willow had, sort of, woken her up.

< _Is she right? Am I in love with Giles?_ >

Buffy pictured Giles in her mind and struggled to think back over the past few years, trying not to let everything that had gone wrong in the last few months color her emotions and detract from how she _really_ felt. Not as she had so often lately imagined him working over her body and driving her to new heights of pleasure, but just images of him over the years. Things she remembered with almost perfect clarity...

She remembered Giles standing in the library saying he was going to face the Master in her stead. His face determined, his eyes unyielding. They were sitting in his Citroen and he was telling her she'd only have his support and respect. He was crying, holding onto her desperately, after she punched him for trying to kill Angelus on his own. He was cleaning the cut on her forehead after Quentin walked out of the library. He was stabbing the Mayor with his epée in a bid to protect her. He was crouched outside the school waiting for her, when she landed next to him, placing her hand on his thigh, he set off the explosives to kill the Mayor. He was proudly handing her her singed rolled up diploma.

The images began to roll faster in her mind.

Giles running towards her with weapons in his hand, apologizing for kicking her out. Giles looking at her over his glasses, sitting at Willow's desk, on the morning after she'd been tricked into sleeping with Parker. Giles placing his hand on her shoulder in comfort when the Gentlemen came to town.

She remembered how _terrified_ she'd been when she'd thought a demon had killed him. She had been more than ready to put the creature down. It hadn't occurred to her until later, after she'd looked into those demon eyes and seen Giles looking out at her, that her heart had broken a little when she'd thought he was dead. The sight of the green irises staring at her had filled her with both love and relief. Though she couldn't remember what type of love it had been at the time.

Of course, then she'd realized she'd just stabbed him and nearly had a coronary. Afterwards, looking at him in Ethan's ridiculous shirt she'd been a little relieved that Riley and Ethan were still in the room. She'd want to rip the damn thing off of him, and not in an innocent 'to make you look normal again' way.

< _He **did** look so very sexy in satin. If it had been a better looking design, I might not have been able to resist my temptation that night._> She chuckled at her own thought then sat up in bed with what she'd just realized. < _I knew he was sexy even that far back! It never even occurred to me to look deeper into those flashes of lust I felt towards him. I mean sure, there were the dreams I occasionally had about him, but..._ >

She lay back down slowly, shaking her head at her own denseness and tried to get her mind back to where it'd left off. It didn't help that the thought of Giles when he was dressed in certain ways, was sending heat directly between her thighs and making sharp waves of sensation thrum all over her body. < _Tuxedo, yum, satin, yummy, in nothing but that black robe, even **yummier**! Though I could do without the thought of Olivia standing next to him in nothing but a shirt... one of **his** at that._>

Buffy thrust the images of him like that out of her mind and focused on where she'd left off. While she'd been standing next to him in front of that mirror and he asked her how she knew it was him, she knew she couldn't tell him the truth. So, of course she'd lied. If she had told him that his eyes, especially when they were focused solely on her, were one of her favorite views in life, he probably would have thought she'd lost her mind. So, naturally she'd said it was because 'only he could look that annoyed at her'.

Buffy chuckled at the next image that came to her mind. She was standing there in Faith's body and she told him she didn't have time for bondage fun. If things hadn't been so dire at the time and she hadn't been worried about what Faith was doing with her own body, she probably would have questioned his expression. The way he'd looked at her, somewhat taken aback but also, amazingly, a slightly glazed look had come over his eyes that made her question a few things about him herself. She wondered, quite often after that, if he'd ever imagined playing 'bondage fun' with her. It made her very curious about how much fun they could have together. 

Once again, Buffy's body was beginning thrum. If she didn't keep her mind on track, she was going to quickly lose this train of thought and she'd never get an answer to her question. She focused again, using the techniques he had taught her so many years ago. It almost felt like a lifetime ago. It had been two or three apocalypses though, so it would make sense that it would feel like forever. Didn't matter either way. She still used the mental tools he gave her nearly every day.

Suddenly another image came to mind. She remembered him falling on the floor, drunk, which if she hadn't been so very angry back then, she might have laughed at that action, as she did now. During that argument, he'd never really fought with her, never yelled at her. Willow and Xander had screamed at her, but Giles... he had gotten drunk _solely_ because he felt she didn't need him anymore.

It still made her sad to realize she had so few memories of him from her first year of college and how much damage her distance had caused between them.

The next memory was an emotion... so strong she almost gasped aloud with the intensity of it. The enjoining spell. The presence of all of them within her mind had been like nothing she'd ever felt before or since. But she remembered very clearly how solid he had been in her mind, as if he had climbed inside her skin and taken up residence. She'd felt Willow and Xander in the background, but Giles... Giles had been in the forefront and so very _very_ powerful. She had to wonder if even he knew how much of that potent magic came from him that day.

Not Willow.... **_Giles_**.

The feel of his mind merging with hers had been overwhelming, almost to the point of painful, except it had hit her right in the core of her body, her desire rising to a feverish heat that had made her climax without any outward appearance while the spell was in effect. Then there was the desire he had for her, something she was only now discovering had existed even that far back. The moment she'd walked back into room 314 and he'd said her name, she'd had to fight against every fiber of her being to stop herself from going over to him, tearing off his clothes and taking him right then and there. That passion, that need and want she'd felt coming from him, again like nothing she'd ever felt before or since, was tamped down quickly. From his side she thought. Probably due to their circumstances.

Those feelings had come from him... _directly_ from him... along some type of explicit connection they'd shared.

Much later, when she and Willow had been talking about the spell, Willow had told her she too had the same problem. Not the feedback. She hadn't felt _that_. But she had felt that lust and desire inside herself too. She told Buffy that the power behind the spell had sent the same feverish heat through her own body and it took her to completion as well. Though Willow hadn't discovered it until she'd come back to her own body.

Buffy and Willow never had the nerve to ask Giles or Xander if they'd had the same problems and/or the same results. Though they did both agree, that the men probably had.

Buffy went back to her memories...

She thought of Giles, when she asked him to be her Watcher again. The look of wonder, happiness and surprise on his face had nearly made her breath woosh out suddenly, in what she _now_ realized was attraction that was coming from within her _own_ body and mind. This time it wasn't feedback from some type magic spell between them. He'd looked so goddamn beautiful and so fucking sexy to her at that moment in time.

Buffy's heart lurched even as her body started to hum again. < _Was that the beginning? When I first started to realize he was a man and not **just** my Watcher?_>

Giles training her, his voice softly and surely teaching her to find her center and go into it. She remembered the way he walked around her in circles, his focus entirely on her. That focus had always felt so intense, so thorough, that it had consumed her and overshadowed everything else.

When they'd first started trying to find out who Glory was and Tara's birthday had come, along with her ridiculous controlling family, she'd been so stressed out. She remembered Xander telling her to go train or something to work out that tension. Her very first thought had her jumping up and going to the back room just so they wouldn't see her blushing. Despite the fact that Riley was still in her life at that time, all she could think about and imagine, was grabbing Giles and dragging him into the back room with her, to 'work out that tension' in very delicious and carnal ways. Giles had come in back to check on her and she'd deliberately started stretching and moving around so that he couldn't read her face and tell what she was thinking, much like he usually did. Once she'd gotten a little better at controlling her thoughts, she'd gone back out and sat back down with Xander to discuss what type of gifts they could get for Tara.

Giles had come down the stairs behind her and gone to get coffee, something she'd rarely seen him drink. Her heart rate had started to speed up and then he'd suddenly called her and Xander 'profoundly stupid' for not knowing what to buy Tara for her birthday. That had been more than enough to tamper down her thoughts at that time.

During her mother's entire illness and after she'd died, she remembered how Giles was _always_ there for her. No matter what had been thrown her way, he was a solid presence next to her. He'd held her after she discovered her mother's body. He was the first person she thought to call after that disastrous moment. She'd needed him and he had come over immediately, without question.

She had so many memories of him from that year. Too many to really go over or even focus on because he had always been there for her, _always_ present, even if he wasn't around. He had overwhelmed her and made her love him even more.

Buffy sucked in a deep breath. Made her _fall_ in love with him even more.

"Son of a bitch! I _am_ in love with him!" She said suddenly. Her voice echoed around the room, making her jump.

Buffy remembered that time now with crystal clarity. That was the year she had started going to him in the middle of the night. Started letting his voice take her to a relaxed state and let her sleep deeply for the first time since she'd been called. Feeling completely safe in his presence and later, over the phone hearing him chuckle deeply in a way that always sent an intense shiver down her spine. She'd began dreaming of him that year. Unlike the few times in college, these dreams had come to her nightly, driving her so deep into wanting him that, half the time when she saw him, she'd had to hide the flush on her cheeks, for fear that she'd give her thoughts and desires away.

She woke up so very many times during that year, panting and searing with desire so deeply for him, that she'd had to _force_ herself to stay in bed. Everything in her on those nights had screamed at her to go to him, put them both out of their misery. Somehow, she'd known, without a single doubt, that Giles wanted her just as much, if not more, than she wanted him. She'd felt it through the thin connection that they'd had during the enjoining spell. The best she could figure at the time was that the magic from the spell was, somehow, still in effect between them. It was nowhere near as strong. It had also begin fading at some point later during that time, she wasn't quite sure when, but it _was_ still there. At the time, she'd just figured that perhaps the magic from the enjoining spell was finally starting to ebb.

Then he'd been impaled by that lance by one of the Knights of Byzantium and her terror of losing him had eclipsed everything else that night. At least until Dawn had been taken by Glory. At first, he'd tried to tell her she was everything a Watcher dreamed of for their slayer. But then he'd stopped and suddenly said she was everything he ever wanted and dreamed of, her heart had suddenly lurched because she knew he wasn't just talking about her as the slayer. He was talking about her as the woman he needed, wanted and loved in his life. She _had_ to call Ben and have him come save Giles. If she had known that Ben and Glory were the same person, she wouldn't have called him particularly, but she would have called _someone_.

And the next night, she knew, without a doubt, that when she jumped off that platform, that she was going to destroy a part of him he was keeping hidden. But she'd _had_ to do it. She couldn't not save everyone she loved just to be there for him alone, no matter how much she wanted, almost _needed_ , to.

Then, when she'd suddenly come back from the dead, she longed for him... needed him... Christ, she'd craved him so deeply she hadn't even been able to think straight for days. She'd even gone so far as to verbally say, "I miss Giles" out loud without meaning too. Willow hadn't understood what she'd meant by that. Willow told her not to worry because Giles was on his way back and he'd be there soon.

But when he had gotten there, she realized that something was different between them. He was still present, but that link between them had been missing almost entirely. She still wanted him, still sought to connect to him, but there was a hole in her that screamed it needed to be filled and that he was the only one who could fix it.

Maybe, just maybe, if she had only given into her desire back then, instead of using him as a crutch, then he wouldn't have left her.

When Angel left, she was miserable. At the time, she felt as if the world had dropped out from under her feet and she was drifting in a sea of desolation. However, she _had_ gotten over it. A lot quicker than even she realized. Looking back now, she knew, in a way, that she had loved Angel, still did in some small part. However, that love had been nothing more than adolescent longing. Their disastrous drama had been a sure sign of high school love. Powerful and consuming her world, but still brief.

It had hurt when Riley left her. The problem was that she hadn't really felt as if the world was imploding on her. She truly hadn't loved him and should have just let him go a lot sooner. She knew if he had stayed, she probably would have started to hate herself, and him, in a similar way that she had when she'd later had sex with Spike. She'd been using Riley just as much as she used Spike. Following his departure, when she thought about it more deeply over the few weeks after, she was eventually able to admit that she was glad he'd left.

When Giles had left her, her _entire world_ had crumbled, much like the house she'd ended up having sex with Spike in. She hadn't been able to breathe. She'd stopped eating actual meals and just started eating every now and then. At one point during that time, she realized she hadn't eaten in nearly two days. Her sleeping, which had already been tentative at best, became so uneven that she found herself walking around in a daze. If a vampire had attacked her on one of those nights, she surely would have been injured, maybe even gotten slain herself.

It had taken Willow nearly getting Dawn killed to wake her up and realize how badly she was doing. She hadn't been paying attention and out of nowhere, things had suddenly gotten psychotic. She'd thought of Giles, longed to call him so he could help her deal with the situation and then realized she _had_ to change. She needed to start taking better care of herself and Dawn. She needed to help Willow.

But _most_ of all, she needed to forget about Giles. He wasn't coming back to her and it was essential for her to accept that fact.

So she began to work around that hole that existed inside her, the part of her she knew was left out when she was resurrected. Eventually she found that she could ignore it, sometimes even forget it. It was even easier when she had sex with Spike. It would go away for a couple of hours afterwards. The problem was that it _always_ came back. Once she'd ended it with Spike, it was a constant presence, but at least by then, it was still something she could ignore or push to the back of her mind.

Then Giles _had_ come back. Of course, it was to stop Willow, but that hadn't mattered. She'd had the urge to climb inside him so that he could never leave her again. All of that time spent with him in the hospital and afterwards at the house, had started to make her feel safe again. She'd felt something trying to connect, something drawing her to him, but it hadn't solidified until the day before he left.

After she dropped him off at the airport, the tension between them still thick with unsurety, her life had gotten better in some ways. Dawn was doing well in school again. She was able to cut down on her hours at the Doublemeat Palace now that it was just the two of them at the house. But the best part of it all was that the hole in her soul that she'd been dealing with for so very long, had _finally_ been filled in with something. She still didn't know what it was, but she was just so happy not feeling hollow anymore, that she didn't question it. She didn't _want_ to.

Then Giles had shown up with the potentials and she'd been overjoyed to see him. When she first opened the door and saw him standing there, her heart had lurched and started beating a tattoo in her chest. It hadn't just been happiness or relief to see him. It had been the connection she felt. His presence made her feel complete in a way that she'd forgotten since he last left her. It had also been a thrill of being able to study his face and see the differences. He was worried, that was certain, but there was something else. When they had locked eyes, she could've sworn she'd seen a reflection of herself in his gaze. She'd gone to hug him only for the potentials to step between them.

In the end, that hadn't deterred her one bit.

Ironically, had the others checked with her before jumping to conclusions, she would have been able to tell them, unequivocally, that Giles _wasn't_ the First. She had met up with him outside of her room, and hugged him while everyone was busy getting everything settled. When he wrapped his arms around her that night, everything else had faded out and she'd felt safe again for the first time since he'd stayed with them for those two weeks. All of the troubles that had been weighing on her mind had hit her suddenly; the First, Spike siring vampires, the potentials, her inability to help Cassie, even the fact that she'd had to try to kill Anya; and she'd broke down crying in his arms. He had sat them on her bed and just held her through it, not saying a word, even though she'd known she had to be hurting him with how tightly she held him with her own arms.

After she'd finally gotten a better grip on her emotions, Giles had pulled back and handed her a handkerchief, smiling sadly at her.

"Better?" He'd asked and she'd nodded her head.

She'd remembered what had happened the day before he left the last time and the urge to kiss him had nearly overwhelmed her, but he'd stood up before she could. After that, they'd just talked about everything that had happened since she'd last seen him. He frowned when he heard about what happened at Dawn's first day in her new high school, He'd also asked her if she'd ever found the person who placed the talisman in the bathroom. She'd to admit that she never really even tried that hard because there was too much else going on.

After discussing the possibilities behind that, Buffy told him the story of how all of them had gone after R.J. and he had laughed, almost as much as the time they'd been standing in the Magic Box training room.

< _Why do I always judge his laughter by **that** moment? Is it truly the only time I've ever seen him that carefree?_>

She'd left a few things out of the R.J. tale. One of the _last_ things he needed to hear about was her halfway stripping down, making out, and very nearly having sex with some high school kid. Though her lack of including that was also because she hadn't wanted him to think she'd forgotten about what happened between them the last time they'd seen one another. She didn't tell him about Dawn's suicide attempt either. Mostly because she really didn't want him to worry over Dawn's actions when she'd been able to save her in time. Though the fact that Willow had attempted to change the kid into a girl had him both rolling his eyes and laughing wholeheartedly.

Later, he had also helped her stand up when she crawled out of the First's cavern under the Christmas tree lot. When she'd first made her way out, he'd been gone. While he offered her his hand to help her stand up, he'd explained why. There had been a bringer prowling around the area. He'd had to take care of him before he could get back to her. He hadn't wanted the bringer to surprise her when she made it out.

After that night though, everything had suddenly started to go wrong. If it wasn't Giles telling her that she was a fool for being to trusting, then it was her and Giles arguing about other things. Little things that were starting to grate against both their nerves. It could have been the overcrowding of the house or the pressure of the First, but what it came down to was that he just wouldn't let up on her. He was _always_ criticizing her and she was tired of listening to him tell her she was acting like an idiot. He didn't actually call her one, but every other word out of his mouth made her feel like one, so it was essentially the same thing.

< _After all of that, am I still in love with him?_ > the thought brought forward an instant answer that she felt deep within her soul. < _Yes. Absolutely, undeniably, **yes**. I am **totally** in love with him._>

Buffy sighed, rolled over and stared up at the ceiling of her room.

< _Great. Now what the hell do I **do** about it?_>


	10. Shatter With Words Impossible to Follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **My sister and my five year old niece, lost _everything_ they own in a fire on February 1, 2021. If you can help, please do!**   
> 
> 
> [ **Gofundme** ](https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-for-rachel-and-shyanne)

~@~

When Willow opened her door, she was wholly surprised to see Giles standing in front of her. He was shifting his weight from one leg to the other, a pensive look on his face. When his eyes alighted on her face, he noticed she was frowning... sort of.

"Giles? Is there something wrong? I don't think I've ever seen you show up here after seven on a weeknight..."

"No, no, Willow," he said as he shook his head at her, "I'm terribly sorry. I just needed to speak with Buffy. Is she awake?"

"Giles, she's, uh... she's not staying here."

Giles eyebrows rose in surprise for a second then suddenly furrowed in confusion. "I assumed she and Dawn would be sharing your guest room since they're visiting. Where is she?"

It took Willow a second or two to realize that neither she, nor Buffy, had explained to him that Buffy had come to England to stay.

< _Of course, it's not exactly as if we've had the time between yesterday's argument and today's lack of communication..._ > Willow thought with some irony. Then another thought occurred to her and she winced, < _Great, just perfect. I guess **I** get to tell him._>

"Giles..." Willow grabbed his sleeve and pulled him gently through the door. "Do you want some tea? I think there's a few things we should talk about."

Giles nodded his head, still a bit confused, but went to sit at her table anyway. While Willow was making tea, he tried to figure out what it was that she was hesitant to tell him. She brought her tea set to the table and set it in front of him a pensive look on her face.

"Giles..." Willow, stopped and started several times as she sat down across from him. Just as she opened her mouth again, Dawn came running out of her room.

" _Giles_! Oh my god! I didn't know you were here!" She ran over to Giles and leaned over to give him a hug, before grabbing one of the tea cups and sitting at the table. "I thought I wasn't going to be able to see you until Saturday." She looked towards Willow and the witch suddenly sat up with a somewhat grateful look on her face.

"I'll go get another cup." Willow muttered as she stood up.

Dawn looked over at Giles to see him staring between the two of them when he suddenly chuckled under his breath. "You two really think I can't tell when someone is having a conversation in their mind?"

A blush rose quickly on Dawn's face as she glanced down at the table. When she looked back up towards Giles, she saw him smiling patiently at her. "Sorry Giles. It's just, I know Willow didn't want to be the one to break the news and I figured if it wasn't Buffy, then it might as well be me."

Giles took the tea pot and filled both his and Dawn's cups before handing her the sugar and pouring milk in his own. When Willow came back, he reached for her cup and filled it as well.

"So, what is it that you lot are afraid to tell me? Bad news? Good news?" He said handing Willow her cup back.

Dawn smiled. "It's good news." She paused, motioning towards Willow to hand her the milk. "Well, it's good news to me. Still not sure if Buffy's happy about it. But she _did_ make the plans, so I guess she's okay with it." She poured her milk and then glanced at Giles to find him staring at her expectantly.

"Oh, again, Giles. I'm sorry I..." Dawn smiled once more, this time a little more dazzling "When Buffy found out she was pregnant, she decided that she wanted to be closer to our family. She told me she needed to be near Willow and..." Dawn realized what she was about to say and, after a very brief pause, swiftly changed her words, "that Xander's able to visit here more often. Which is awesome since I haven't seen him since we first moved to Rome. Anyway, we're moving here. Actually, technically, we already _have_ moved here. She's supposed to pick me up in the morning so we can go look at some flats."

Giles looked at Willow, a slight frown on his face. "Exactly, how long ago did you find out they were moving here?"

Willow, who for some reason was staring perplexingly at Dawn, glanced back towards him. "Buffy told me about a month ago. But she also made me promise not to tell you." Her puzzled expression came back as she stared at him. "I'm surprised that you didn't find out yourself. I kinda thought you would have despite the fact that I didn't say anything. After all, she had to request a transfer from the Italy branch of the Council to the British one. Isn't that something you have to approve?"

Dawn suddenly gulped down the rest of her tea, grateful that it had cooled enough to do so, and stood up, looking somewhat guiltily between the two of them. "I-I've, um, gotta call Janice or Kit or... or both of them. After that, I'm gonna go to bed. I'm kinda tired. I'll see you on Saturday, Giles."

Before she could take two steps away from the table, Giles stood up and clasped her arm lightly. "Dawn?"

Dawn closed her eyes in resignation. She had really been hoping that Buffy would've been the one to tell everyone what had happened. In fact, she thought Buffy _had_ already told Willow. < _Apparently **not**!_> Dawn's voice was barely audible when she spoke next, "She... she quit."

"Excuse me?" Giles said, obviously stunned at the information.

Dawn looked between Giles and Willow somewhat miserably, before dropping her eyes to the floor. "S-She quit the Council" She said again, her voice a little louder than the last time.

< _That's not a bit dodgy...not at all_ > was the first thought that came to his mind.

Ever since the régime had changed to the Watchers working for the slayers instead of working their way _through_ each slayer, he'd heard at least a dozen reports about how much Buffy loved working with and training the new slayers. He'd heard the stories from some of the slayers who'd come back to or through England after visiting Rome, and all of them loved her unique perspective, different training techniques, as well as her stories of past battles. Even though they were finding new slayers on a weekly basis, Buffy was still called ' _The_ Slayer' by the majority of everyone who worked for or had dealings with the Council.

That is, until they actually met her.

From everything he'd heard, the moment most people met her and realized she was an actual person, the awe and hero worshipping would dissipate or, at the very least, dissuaded when they realized that she was just as human as they were. She'd made friends with quite a few of the slayers, as well as, many of the Council members.

Never in a million years, would Buffy have quit this new slayer focused Council. There was no way in _hell._

Giles gently pulled Dawn so she was facing them again. "What happened?"

Dawn's face took on a pleading quality before she spoke, "Giles please... couldn't you ask her? I-I mean, um, I don't know the whole story..."

"So tell me what you do know." He said, pushing her gently back into the chair she'd just vacated.

Dawn sighed, before looking at him miserably. "I _really_ don't know much."

Willow grabbed Dawn's tea cup and filled it again, making sure she had the sugar and milk next to her before placing it in front of her. "Dawnie, we both know that Buffy loved her job. So whatever you do know, please tell us."

Dawn sighed again, making her tea the way she liked it so she wouldn't have to look at them while she spoke. "All I know is the day after she decided we were going to move here, she went into work. When I came home from school she was already there, which was weird because she normally got home about a half hour after I did." She paused, taking a small sip before continuing, "The first time we talked about why she was there early, she told me that she was taking some time off so she could get us ready to move, which seemed pretty logical to me. But then, about a week after that, she got a letter from the Council..."

When it looked like Dawn wasn't going to continue, Giles placed his hand on her shoulder for a brief second, then saw her take a deep breath. "Anyway, when she got the letter and opened it, well she tried to hide it, but I could tell she wanted to cry. After about fifteen minutes, she slipped into her room and when she came out later, her eyes were red. The next day when I got home, she told me she'd gone into the Council and quit."

Dawn looked between the two of them. "That's _all_ I know. Really. That's it. She wouldn't tell me _why_ she quit or what the letter said from the Council, and I... I couldn't find it when I searched for it later." Dawn's tea had obviously cooled enough for her to gulp it down again, then she stood up. "So, can I go call Kit now?"

Both Willow and Giles were sitting with confused expressions on their faces, but they still managed to nod their heads in assent. Dawn rushed off to her room just in case they decided to change their minds, shutting the door softly behind her.

After a few more minutes, Willow looked at Giles. "Can you find out what was in that letter?"

Giles jumped at her voice. In his frustration, he had wholly forgotten that he was sitting in her kitchen. "As long as it was sent through the proper channels, I should already have a copy of it. Since I have seen nothing with Buffy's name cross my desk, because I would have noticed that, it must not have been sent out in an official capacity. I need to look deeper into this. Try to find out what happened."

When Willow looked at him with trepidation, he reassured her.

"Don't worry. I'll find out, Willow. I promise." Giles shook his head, looking back towards her. "However, there's something else I wanted to discuss with you."

"Is this about the pregnancy?" Willow said with forced nonchalance as she finished her tea. She stood up placing both her and Dawn's cups in the sink, then grabbed a bottle of water out of her fridge, before sitting back down across from him.

"What exactly do the Watcher Diaries you have say about it? Did they mention the..."

"Bond?" Willow interrupted him and furrowed her brows in confusion. "You know about the bond? Have you _always_ known about it?"

She saw Giles shake his head. "No, believe me if I had, I _would_ have mentioned it to Buffy or at the very least, tried to. I'm not quite sure how, but..."

"Then how did you find out about it?"

Giles snorted, "Andrew found Quentin Travers Journal. Apparently, he's known about our bond since I failed the Cruciamentum. It's bloody ridiculous that he didn't tell me about it. Odd that he considered it important information, yet failed to even convey it towards me. Have you..." Giles glanced down at the table almost afraid to ask Willow his question, "Have you... told Buffy about it?"

Willow's eyes opened wide and she suddenly started giggling, "Not on my life Giles! I'm _not_ gonna get all explainy on info that she could very well blame the messenger for."

Giles rolled his eyes. "I guess that's fair." He said leaning forward, "Tell me about the Watchers Diaries that you have and what information they give about the slayers. Or, if you could just bring them out here, I could read through them myself."

"I...uh, I don't have them here." Willow said quickly, "I left them in my office. But I can make sure you get them within the next few days." Her voice was suspiciously jittery all of the sudden, but Giles decided to ignore it.

"So then tell me about the pregnancies. What was it that pushed the magicks to enforce that aspect of the bond with the slayers and Watchers?"

Willow shook her head, her hand coming up and settling on the table in front of her. "From what I can tell, all of the Watchers lied or betrayed the slayers in one way or another. Ironically, it was the Council themselves who caused the majority of the problems in the first place." Willow stood up, "Let me go get my notebook, hold on."

Willow came back from her room holding a spiral pad. She flipped it open and leafed through a few pages before stopping. "Nathaniel and Rose, Belfast, Ireland, 1914. She was called in 1912 when she was fifteen." Willow paused, looking at him with a slight frown, "It was somewhat strange because the diary before this one that deals with another pregnancy is from the slayer who died in 1912. In other words, it happened with two slayers in a row."

Giles was looking at her expectantly so she looked back at her note pad and continued. "When she was seventeen and he was thirty-six, he approached the Council and asked for permission to marry her. The Council repudiated the request and demanded that he tell Rose that he was he already married and that he would be leaving her to live with his wife. If he refused, they threatened to kill her, saying that another slayer would be called."

Willow, opened her water, took a drink, then flipped the page and continued reading. "They also stipulated that, should he want to contact her, he was only to have contact by proxy of another Watcher, um..." Willow took another drink of her water, then flipped through a few more pages of her notepad, her eyes obviously alighting on what she was looking for, "They sent her a female Watcher named Beatrix Beauclerk."

Willow flipped back a few pages again. "Nathaniel wasn't allowed to see her. Three months later, her parents found out she was pregnant and demanded to know who she'd had 'relations' with. When she told them she'd never had sex, they called in a doctor and, when he examined her, he found that she _was_ still a virgin. Rose, however, decided to run away because she didn't trust her parents. They were talking about giving the baby away when it was born."

Willow flipped one more page before glancing up at him. He was staring at her with dread in his expression. "They threatened to **_kill_** his slayer?" His voice was coated with revulsion.

"Uh, yeah," She flipped back to the first page she read from, looking over her notes, "...they said that they wouldn't have to deal with the situation at all, if she was gone."

Willow looked at him again, this time, she hoped, reassuringly. "They didn't get near her Giles. After she ran away, she hid out in the woods. Nathaniel found her a month later. He wrote that he thought the bond led him to her. When he found her..." Willow flipped back to the last page again, "...he stated that she was near death due to exhaustion, exposure, and malnourishment. He took her to a house that a friend of his lived in and nursed her back to health. Ireland was in chaos at the time in history due to the end of World War One and the start of the turmoil that would lead to the Irish War of Independence, so they were able to slip away without any trouble. They got married in a church near where he nursed her back to health and then they travelled throughout Ireland, Scotland and England. His last entry in 1922 indicated that Rose battled a major demon named Thargas. She won the battle but was injured and Nathaniel wasn't sure she was going to make it."

"Is there any mention of what happened to the baby?" Giles asked, almost afraid to find out the answer.

Willow smiled at him. "Yes. She had three children during their time together, including the immaculate conception pregnancy, all daughters. Right after Rose won her battle against Thargas, Nathaniel travelled with the children and dropped them and his Watcher Diaries off with her parents. Her parents, once they lost their daughter, seemed to have changed. Nathaniel's last entry talks about how her parents were willing to raise all three girls and that they were going to contact the Watchers Council to find out what to do next. He also said he was going back to Rose. That's where his Watcher Diary ends."

Giles sat up straight, sipped at his tea then spit it back out into the cup when he found it was ice cold. Glancing towards the clock on the microwave, he opened his eyes wide when he saw that it was nearly midnight already. Willow winced when she followed his gaze.

"I guess we'll have to discuss this later." Giles said turning back towards her. Just as he was about to stand up, he stopped and looked at her. "There is one more thing I want to ask you about and it should be discussed now, not later."

Willow, who had stood in preparation of his leaving, sat back down as well and looked at him expectantly.

"All of this..." Giles sighed, trying to fight through his slight exhaustion and clear up his thoughts before he spoke again. "When I left and came back to England, you were around Buffy. She felt betrayed because I left her, didn't she?"

Willow arched her brows in surprise. "I... well, there was a lot going on at that time. I was dealing with Tara leaving me and was a little self-absorbed. But..."

Giles watched as she leaned back, her eyes closed for a moment. When she opened them, she shook, then nodded her head. 

< _Well, that's not remotely confusing_ > Giles thought somewhat sarcastically. It suddenly occurred to him that he was being a bit snippy, even if he wasn't saying his thoughts out loud. < _I must be more tired than I realized._ >

"I do suppose it would make sense that you wouldn't remember." Giles said slightly grumpily.

Willow, shook her head again though, "No, I do remember. It just took me..." Willow sighed and shook her head one more time, "I had to look through my own issues at the time and see if I could remember what was going on. So yes, she was very hurt and _definitely_ felt betrayed. I think several of us were feeling that way during that time, just for... for different reasons."

Giles, his muscles tensing a slight bit due to his exhaustion, looked at her and tilted his head in question. "So, don't you find it a bit peculiar that Buffy didn't end up pregnant back then? From what I've read in Quentin's journal, and perhaps whatever you've read in the other Diaries, doesn't it sound like the magicks should have become active at that point?"

"Really, now that you mention it," Willow, suddenly feeling wide awake at the implications, stood up and paced back and forth a few times before looking back towards him, "It really should have enacted a pregnancy at that time. Did you try to figure out why it didn't? Perhaps ask Miss Hartness or Adrian their opinions on this?"

Giles furrowed his brows in confusion. "The only thing that I've gotten out of Miss Hartness for the last few weeks is that the coven's been working on locating the source of some ancient magic. When I asked her about magical pregnancies, she never once mentioned anything about a bond or that she already knew Buffy was pregnant."

" _Son of a bitch!_ " Willow muttered suddenly looking towards the floor, before turning to look at him again. "I thought either she or Adrian had told you about this. I guess I should have been the one to clarify it. The ancient magic they've been researching for weeks _is_ the magical pregnancy. It never even occurred to me to link that with the bond! Do you think they know about it?"

Giles shrugged. "You know how those two are," he chuckled lowly, "They've probably known about the bond since they first started looking into the magicks and just thought we should figure it out on our own."

Willow dropped back into her chair abruptly, her brief spat of energy dissipating almost as quickly as it appeared. "Did you ask Buffy?"

Giles rumbled, "Willow, I haven't even informed her about the bond yet, remember?"

Willow laid her head down on the table for a moment, then sat back up. "I'm sorry Giles. I'm just getting a little tired."

"I know Willow. I am too." Giles stood up and began to walk towards her front door. "I don't have Buffy's new phone number. Not since Sunnydale. Can you please ask her to call me, that way I can see her and tell her about the bond? Also, make sure I get those Watcher Diaries, at the very least, by Friday. I'm probably going to be taking the day off tomorrow. I'd like to... Well, I think I _need_ to show Buffy the house."

< _About friggin time!_ > Willow thought, as she grinned with relief. She knew if Buffy saw the house, she was going to love it. < _She going to have quite a few questions as well._ >

When Giles turned back towards her, she had already managed to wipe away her smile. "Oh, I forgot! I'm going to be enforcing a break this weekend and make all the slayers take off Saturday. I'm taking Amber out that day. I was going to take her to the movies, but since Dawn's coming, I think I'll take them to play crazy-golf instead. Amber wanted to know if you'd come with us?"

Willow was suddenly looking at him with confusion. "What the heck is crazy-golf, Giles?"

"Oh, dear lord. I'm sorry. For the first time in a very long time, that was a bit British of me... I guess I've been back long enough to start calling activities by the names I grew up with." When Willow kept looking at him, now with her eyebrow raised, he realized he still hadn't explained it to her.

Christ he was tired.

"It's what we call American miniature golf in England. Crazy-golf has all the same obstacles as American miniature golf...windmills and such. British miniature golf is a different game, because it's an _actual_ golf course, just with much shorter distances than a full size course. I suppose I could've said putt _-_ putt golf, but when I was growing up, we... well my mum called it crazy-golf. I think she did it because she knew it drove my father round the bend." Giles was slightly distracted, sort of staring off distantly, obviously melancholy.

Willow, a little surprised about the fact that Giles had mentioned not only his mother, but his father as well, smiled sadly at him. She didn't want to point out the fact that he'd just shared a bit of personal information, which wasn't remotely normal, so she closed her eyes for a second, wiping the sadness off of her expression. < _It's gotta be lack of sleep. As much as all of us Scoobies have wanted to know about Giles life, he rarely lets anything like that slip._ >

When she opened them, she saw Giles was looking at her again, his eyes focused once more. She smiled, her own eyes sparkling. "That's a lot more information about mini golf than I really needed to know at this hour of the night. However," she said with a chuckle, "in that case, I'd love to go. I haven't seen Amber in over a week and a half. Dani and I do have a date that evening, but I'm open during the day. Though I could ask Dani if she wants to come along as well." She hesitated for a second before making a suggestion. "Maybe you should ask Buffy to go too?"

Giles nodded, turning an opening her front door. "I'll do that. I'm not certain that she'll agree..." he sighed, "I think it might depend on how she takes this news. I'm also going to check with her to try to figure out why the magicks didn't enact back when I left for England. Maybe she knows something about what happened or has an explanation without even realizing it."

Just before he stepped out, he turned back towards her again "Please ask Buffy to call me. Hopefully I can talk to her and get some answers. Not only about the bond, but also why she quit."

"I will Giles. G'night."

Willow shut the door behind him, locked it, yawned and went into her room. She had to make a phone call and she needed sleep.

Giles himself, also a made a call before he drove off.


	11. Still I Carry This Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a couple days late again! I'm so very **sorry**! Don't worry. I'm not running out of completed chapters yet! Everything up to chapter 16 _is_ complete. I also have some future chapters (probably in the 20's) that are mostly complete.

~@~

When Buffy woke up, for the most part, she felt more rested then she had in years. After she looked at her clock and saw it was nearly ten in the morning, she understood why.

< _Eleven hours of sleep? Have I **ever** slept that long?_> she shook her head, amazed. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she dragged herself out of bed and, after grabbing a few things, went in to take a shower.

Ever since her revelation the night before about Giles, she'd felt like there was a fire burning inside her and nothing she did was even coming close to fanning the flame. She'd tried... oh how she tried. Every toy she had with her, had gotten a serious workout. The lust she was feeling, was completely and thoroughly unquenchable.

After one more unfulfilling orgasm in the shower, Buffy sighed despairingly, climbed out and got dressed. When she was at least able to focus on something other than her libido for more than a minute, she found her cell phone and discovered that she had two voice messages from Willow and text message from Dawn on her phone.

She read Dawn's text message first and winced.

> _*U DIDNT tell Willow U QUIT!!!! I had to tell her & Giles when _  
> he was here last night! They asked me WHY & I told them about  
> the letter from the Council! Giles & Willow wanted to know WHAT  
> it said! I told them the TRUTH that I DONT know!!! :(

Dawn was obviously upset. It was the only time she ever used that many capital letters and exclamation marks in her texts.

< _Perfect. How the hell am I going to explain that to Willow?_ > Buffy thought as she shook her head. She was confused though, <W _hy on earth would Giles be questioning Dawn about me quitting? He already knows!_ >

Before Buffy had found out about the baby, she'd been stupid enough to go out on a date with one of the Watchers-in-training who'd survived the bringers attacks because he'd been at the academy. Things had been nowhere near great. In all actuality, she'd been pretty bored for most of the night. Despite his age, Henry Wyndam was a pompous, long winded, old fashioned Watcher type. He'd hidden it quite well before she'd gone out on that date with him. However, once they'd gotten together one-on-one and she spent longer than ten minutes with him, she'd realized he was 99% _worse_ than Wesley when she first met him. 

The biggest problem, however, had started near the end of the date when they'd gotten into a disagreement. At the time, Buffy was finding herself extremely tired. Her feet were starting to hurt, which in itself was strange, but she'd blamed the heels she'd had on. Either way, by that point of the night, she was more than ready to get rid of the arrogant asshole, go soak in the tub and then try to get a few hours sleep.

Then she started listening to what he was saying and found herself wanting to punch the immature idiot. He was complaining about the majority of the changes that Giles had made and said they were pushing too many boundaries. Giles had even changed the courses at the academy to reflect his alterations. Henry had been upset because he'd had to take several extra classes when he'd been on the edge of graduation. Even now, he still had to go to extra schooling during some of his work time in order to finish, letting him still get paid during that time.

Henry had then snidely made a comment about how the Watchers Council shouldn't be paying slayers, no matter what their age, because they didn't deserve anything other than the training the Council provided. He'd also stated that paying slayers went against everything the Watchers Academy originally stood for and he was going to get it reverted back to the old way, any way he could, as soon as he moved up in the 'hierarchy'.

Buffy had quickly flashed back to how badly she had struggled when her mother had died, how hard it was to even keep food in the fridge, and she had gotten defensive.

"Have you ever had to work in fast food? Do you take your life and put it on the line every night? Have you ever had to go into a job that you hate, because you don't have time to get an education, because you're too busy saving the world on a nightly basis?" She'd asked him, "On top of that, have you ever had to take a job, _any_ job, just to make sure there was food on the table or the bills were paid?"

He'd looked down his nose at her and said, "I would _never_ work in fast food, much less eat that slop. Why would I debase myself that way? There are _always_ other ways to make money and get an education. I got a degree and I, _myself_ , have faced four vampires during training, and I even staked one of those."

Buffy had snorted at him, "Wow, a whole _four_ vampires. Since it was during training, I'll bet that it was completely under _controlled_ conditions, and the vampire you staked was tied down because they wanted to make sure you could hit the heart, right? Have you ever, in your entire life, gotten anything that you _actually_ had to work for?"

He'd become completely incensed, stating she didn't know what she was talking about, she didn't understand the Council customs and that Buffy just didn't understand what hard work really entailed. By the time they'd reached her building, she was more than ready to wash her hands of him. Unfortunately, the moment they got there, he'd leaned over to try to kiss her. Her hands had come up automatically to grab him and push him away.

Weirdly enough, he'd looked shocked. "Aren't we going to have sex? I figure you're pretty open to it, considering you've fucked at least one Watcher already. Why else would I have put up with your _ridiculous_ attitude towards the old Council régime all night?"

Buffy was so busy trying to fight the urge to punch him that she could barely speak. " _Excuse me_?" she managed to growl out around her clenched teeth.

"Well, everyone knows that you and your old Watcher were going at it for a long time. Ever since you were in high school, from what I hear. After all, that _is_ why he made all those changes to the Council parameters in the first place." Out of nowhere, he'd suddenly made a horrified face as if his next words disgusted him. "Am I too _young_ for you? I know he's a very _old_ man so there's no way he could've been _that_ good."

"You need to check your sources, you _fucking_ _asshole_. Firstly," She said, pushing him back until he hit the wall behind him. "Rupert Giles is _not_ old. Secondly, he was my _Watcher_ , you idiot. He's not some perverted old man who molested me just because he was in a position of power over me. Here's the thing," Buffy poked in his chest, hard, "even if I had, as you so eloquently put it, _'fucked my Watcher_ ', I still _wouldn't_ fuck you in, like, **_ever_**. Lastly, I'm _extremely_ relieved that you've never been assigned a slayer if you think that's what a Watcher is _for_ or _does_. If I have anything to say about it, you will _never_ be in that position."

She started to turn away when his next words stopped her cold.

"Well, thank god you have no say in the matter. You have no power whatsoever, except over that _old_ man that currently runs the Council." He'd stepped towards her and looked down his nose at her, _again._ "And if _I_ have anything to say about it, he won't be in charge much longer. Oh wait, I _do_ have a say in the matter."

Buffy had turned back and angrily pushed against the wall again, this time hard enough so that he'd bounced off of it a little. "You have _no_ power whatsoever. Maybe you might have been able to do something before there were more slayers than Watchers, but there is _nothing_ you can do now. According to Giles, the Watchers work _for_ the slayers now. That's the rub isn’t it?" Buffy snorted in derision, "You don't like being so insignificant and... _impotent."_

She'd again started to turn to go into her building, then stopped and looked him up and down, before stepping back to him, the threat very clear in her voice when she spoke her next words. "And if you go anywhere near Giles, I will _end_ you. He's a hundred times _more_ of a man then you will _ever_ be."

After she was done, she turned and walked into her building. Alone.

When he'd shown up with a broken arm the next day he'd blamed Buffy, saying she twisted it up his back the night before because he wouldn't have sex with her. < _As **if**!_> She hadn't pushed him hard enough to do anything other than give him a few bruises. She had no idea how his arm had been broken, but it had nothing to do with her.

Everyone who had spoken to her, had assured her that they knew the boy was lying. Henry Wyndam had been taken aside and put on unpaid leave for a month. She was still highly pissed off that they hadn't fired the pompous asshole. She couldn't figure out why they allowed him to stay on.

However, she had also been pulled in and talked to about dating someone in the Council. They told her that they were aware she had only been trying to get preferential treatment as a slayer, then warned her against the situation and stated that they didn't want to hear about any more such instances. She tried to deny their allegations, but that hadn't mattered. Eventually, she'd finally just gotten fed up and told them to take all of their collective assumptions and shove them up their ass, before standing up and walking out of the office. They'd never pulled her back in after that and she just figured that they finally accepted the fact that she was telling the truth.

The letter she'd received from the Council a month later, stating that she could either quit or be fired over the situation, _had_ to have gone through Giles' office to be sent out to her. It had his usual signature on the bottom. She'd seen him sign enough papers over the past seven years, that it had been easy to recognize the moment she opened the envelope.

Seeing his signature on the bottom of that notice had been heart-wrenching.

At first, she was genuinely surprised that he would believe something so monumentally stupid. But then after thinking about it for a few minutes... Well, he'd been calling her an idiot < _okay not literally_ > for the past three to four months. She figured when he heard the story and got the notification, he probably just thought something along the lines of 'that's exactly like Buffy is now', and signed off on it without thinking twice. It upset her that he didn't even want to know her side of the story. < _I guess that's what I get for defending him..._ > she'd thought at the time.

Their reasons for telling her she had the choice to either quit or be fired were probably valid in someone's mind, but it still made no sense to her. Especially so long after the issue had already been somewhat resolved and the fact that Wyndam was _still_ working for the Council.

She'd known that if she got fired then it would be hard to get another job. Instead of just accepting and allowing them to decide her fate, she'd gone into the office, handed them her signed resignation and walked out of the Council building with her head held high.

Thankfully, recalling the situation now was just enough to help her with her libidinous issues. She felt her skin cooling while her body stopped thrumming when her lust, at last, tapered away.

< _Well, at least those memories helped me calm the hell down._ _But why is he, after all this time, only **now** questioning why I quit?_> Buffy thought as she shook her head and looked at her phone again.

The first voice message that Willow left was from around 12:30 am. In it, Willow told her that was going to have to give Giles the Watchers Diaries that she had in her possession to him. She warned Buffy that the 1912 Diary specifically stated that the baby was the Watchers, so she needed to tell Giles that he was the father... especially before Friday when she had to hand them over.

The second message Willow left at around seven in the morning. Apparently, Giles wanted her to call him about something. Willow didn't go into detail, but she did say that it was important, and that it might have something to do with the magicks behind the pregnancy.

Perfect... she was going to have to call him. After reliving that particular horrible time in her mind, she was a little incensed. Still, the thought of hearing his voice, those gorgeous dulcet tones or the way he sometimes curled his words, made her body flush with arousal again... despite her anger.

< _This is getting **really** old._ _How in the hell am I going to be able to talk to him without giving myself away?_ >

~@~

By the time it reached ten in the morning, Giles knew that Buffy wasn't going to call him. She never slept past eight, so she was obviously still avoiding him. He was going to have to find another way of getting ahold of her. He was just starting to debate going into work after all, when his phone finally rang.

< _I really hope that's her. If we don't talk about the bond soon, then we're going to be in serious trouble. I would also very much like to be in my child's life before it's born.._.>

When he answered the phone, however, it was Andrew on the other end of the line.

"Mr. Giles, I found out some information on the situation dealing with Buffy quitting. I'm not sure what you want me to do with the paperwork and..."

"Andrew, just fax it to me. You know that..."

"It's not just that sir." He interrupted, "I've also got some photos and an actual CCTV video that are related to the problem. It seems Watcher-in-training Henry Wyndam is the one involved in the situation. He's also the one who started the trouble."

"Wyndam? Is he related to..."

"Very distantly." Andrew interjected, obviously anticipating his question, "Not enough to really even mention. Which was why I didn't. The only real relation that they both have is the fact that he's from one of the older Watcher bloodlines... just like Wesley."

"Did you watch..." Giles started to ask, only for Andrew to interrupt him again.

"Yes..." Andrew replied quickly. "The video shows him trying to kiss her and her pushing him away."

Giles, who had started to get aggravated when Andrew mentioned the kid tried to kiss Buffy, smiled when heard about the fact that she had pushed him away.

"She backed him towards the wall, saying something that obviously pissed him off. Then, for some strange reason, CCTV goes out for about five minutes, and when it comes back, Wyndam is alone and holding his arm at an awkward angle."

"Did you find a copy of the actual letter?"

"Yes. Vi and Mr. Robson both flew to Rome on a specially chartered redeye Council flight this morning." Andrew yawned, obviously not having gotten much sleep either.

"Both of them?" Giles was seriously starting to wonder when Andrew did sleep. Every time he called the young man, he answered his phone right away, no matter what the time.

"Sorry," he said, "Yeah, after you called me, I asked Vi if she minded going to Rome to check it out. Mr. Robson, who was training some of the slayers for the early morning shift, overheard me. He said it would be better if a Watcher went along as well."

Andrew yawned again, but this time didn't apologize. "It's a _good_ thing they went that early. Apparently, from what Vi said, the moment they walked into the building, some guy at a desk took one look at them and hastened to get to that branch's directors office. Vi and Mr. Robson got to the office before the guy who had headed there first. Mr. Robson walked in without knocking and found the director going through some papers that he was getting ready to shred. Vi went over and grabbed them before he could and found out that they were about the situation with Buffy. One of the papers was a copy of the letter." Andrew paused, yawning again, "Mr. Robson put both him and the guy who'd run to warn him on immediate dismissal and stayed there to investigate the situation further."

After brief moment of indecision, Giles spoke. "Okay, fax all of the paperwork to me right now. I'll go over what I can here and look at the other things later... probably tomorrow when I get in. Willow should be dropping off some Watcher Diaries by tomorrow so please make sure they're on my desk. Andrew," Giles said, with some concern in his voice, "get some rest. I can tell how fatigued you are even over the phone. Also, please make sure that Amber knows I'm okay. I know how she worries."

He heard Andrew yawn one more time before he hung up the phone. Within minutes, his fax machine whirled to life and he began reading the papers that Andrew sent him.

An hour later, he was more enraged then he'd ever been in his entire life. The things that the Rome office had done to Buffy were disgraceful and beyond reprehensible. Henry Wyndam was going to pay for his part in this deception. As was _every_ single person culpable and involved. If he could, he'd make certain they were _all_ completely ruined.

< _I need to speak with her, right now. She needs to know the truth._ >

He picked up his phone and called Willow.

~@~

After discussing the issue with Willow (and getting Buffy's number from her), Giles knew he had to clear this situation up with Buffy. She had to know that he would have _never_ had signed off on that notice. When he'd finally been able to study it, he realized that whomever had forged his signature had done such a damn good likeness, it was to the point where even he could barely tell the difference.

When he finally decided to ring Buffy around noon, he realized that there was only one way he could explain some of it. It was almost ironic that he'd discovered part of their ploy for sending the letter had been to try keep her in Rome. The Rome office hadn't wanted to lose Buffy, so they used the only instance they had on file to try to get her to stay. In their own stupid way, they had tried to control her, expecting her to plead to keep her job. Instead, she'd done what she always did when faced with a threat of such nature. When she was told she had to do something, as normal, she did the exact opposite... she'd outright quit and they'd lost her anyway. Only to their dismay, and according to the paperwork, it was a month before she was already scheduled to leave.

It always amused him how many people had tried to control her and never learned from their history that she wouldn't be controlled by anyone. That is unless she let them or wanted them to. They should have realized that when they'd tried to punish her for dating a Watcher and she'd pretty much told them they could take their assumptions and shove them 'up their bums', as the notes indicated.

He was a little surprised that she hadn't realized how much power she'd had, even back then. When they didn't fire her for insubordination over her words, she could have called him. He would have had that little ponce Wyndam shipped to England just so he could figure out what he was up to at that time.

Of course, she wouldn't have called him with the stress that was between them.

< _If only we had been talking back then! If she'd known the truth about my feelings for her, she might have, at the very least, still kept in contact. Just because I bloody love her, doesn't mean she would have run away... Yes, it was a good possibility, but maybe something she could have learnt to live with._ >

This Henry Wyndam situation would definitely not have had time to grow into such a big problem if they'd kept up the communication between them. Now though... it was just a matter of time. They not only had to try to figure out what the full plan was, but they also had try to stop them before the rest of his hidden sect of Watchers made their move. On the one hand, the fact that Wyndam was still working for the Council did help immensely. On the other though, for Buffy, seeing the pillock every day had probably been like a constant reminder of just how little the Council cared about her. Which was, again, ironic since the Rome branch had been so determined to keep her.

Just as he went to pick up his phone, it rang and completely startled him. After shaking his head at his own foolishness, he quickly picked it up.

"Rupert Giles." He said without thinking, then he shook his head again. He'd gotten so used to answering his phone at the Council office that, of course, he'd answer his own phone the same way. It did make some sort of sense since he rarely received phone calls at home. "Hello?"

"Hey Giles. Willow said you needed to talk to me. Actually she kinda left a message and said you needed to see me. So do you?" Buffy's voice sounded slightly strange. After trying to figure out why, he ended up aggravated with himself.

< _Probably because the last time we 'talked' all we did was fight_ > he thought, suddenly feeling rather idiotic.

"Yes, Buffy, it's rather important. Can I come see you wherever you're staying?"

He heard Buffy giggle nervously, before replying. "Um, I guess so. You know where Sidwells Cottage is?"

"Sidwells Cottage? How did you..."

"It sounds like you know." Buffy said as she giggled nervously again, "I'll see you soon."

Buffy hung up the phone without waiting for a response from him. < _Crap! I forgot to tell him my room number!_ > She debated on calling him back then just shook her head. As long as she let Evey know he was on his way, then the woman would tell him where to go. After using her room phone to call downstairs, she stood up and began pacing.

She knew Giles had been about to ask how she'd managed to get a room at Sidwells, and it was too long of a story to tell him over the phone.

It, sort of, involved one of the slayers she trained saving the owner Genevieve's son. Evey, as she liked to be called, had known what slayers were and when she'd found out the story behind the active slayers and who was the 'original' slayer at the time, she asked to be introduced. Evey and her son had flown to Rome just to meet Buffy. After they met, she discovered that Evey was a descendant of a past slayer. When she'd first met the woman, she had also just found out she was pregnant, so since then they'd kept in touch. They'd had several conversations about Evey's family tree but she'd only known her past relatives up to her great grandmother. The one thing she did know was that the slayer that she descended from lived in the American territories, but her Watcher had been British. Buffy had meant to ask Willow if she could look into the past diaries to maybe help Evey find out more, but the past few days had been so busy she hadn't had a chance.

The short story was easy. When she'd told Evey she was moving to England and needed a place to stay with Dawn, the woman had been more than gracious to offer them a room at two-third the price. Of course, there was more to that story as well...

Evey had tried to tell Buffy why she couldn't offer a room for free, but Buffy had cut her off and told her she was grateful for the help. Evey explained that she didn't have any doubles but she did have a single room with an ensuite that she thought Buffy would probably prefer anyway. Especially, since Buffy was in her first trimester and still had the occasional morning sickness, which could happen at any time throughout the entire day.

When she'd arrived without Dawn and explained to Evey what was going on, Evey had halved the room price, despite Buffy's protests. She wasn't exactly broke, especially since she was still getting her slayer paycheck, but the cost saving was helpful since she had to stretch the money she had saved < _Not Dawn's college fund!_ > until she got a new job in England. Technically, she didn't really _need_ a job, but she also knew staying at home all the time would drive her bonkers.

Moreover, she had to make sure she had enough for a new apartment for the two of them... well, three of them. Due to the baby, they were going to need a three bedroom instead of two, so the cost was definitely going to be higher.

Buffy glanced at the clock and realized she'd been pacing for nearly fifteen minutes. Her nervousness wasn't because of her room at Sidwells. She still had no idea how she was going to keep her libidinous feelings under control around him. Nearly every time she thought of him, a sharp spike of arousal would travel through her body. Buffy was still trying figure out what to do about the situation when she heard a knock at her door.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she remembered the last time they'd seen one another was when they'd been fighting and Giles had accused her of being irresponsible, a liar and a fool. The things he'd said to her were still hurtful and plain ridiculous. He had punished her for doing exactly what he wanted her to do and now he was just going to walk into her room and act like what? Like he had been in the right? That wasn't even taking into account the fact that he had given her an option to either quit or get fired from a job she loved, for something that wasn't remotely true.

< _That's **complete** bullshit!_>

Her anger came back in full force. She threw open the door and locked her angry green eyes on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I remember correctly, Skyson did say she wanted to reach into the screen and strangle Henry Wyndam after she saw this chapter...lol.


	12. What Might Have Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure you guys are gonna like, if not love, this chapter! It's twice as long as normal... for a **very good** reason!

~@~

The moment Buffy threw the door open in front of him he knew that she was angry. In point of fact, she was _more_ than angry. He hadn't seen her even remotely like this since her eighteenth birthday. She wasn't quite at the point of threatening to kill him if he touched her, but she was closer than he liked.

"Giles, what the hell do you want?!"

Giles, a little worried about someone coming upon them and getting the wrong idea, urged her into her room and shut the door behind them. "I'm sorry Buffy. I thought that we were on better terms when I answered the phone and you didn't yell at me. The things we need to discuss are important and..."

"Important? Why?" Buffy's voice was rising with every word she spoke, "Did you forget to call me some additional names the other night? According to you I'm irresponsible, a liar, an idiot..."

"Buffy, I have _never_ once called you an idiot or a liar." Giles said through clenched teeth, barely able to keep from shouting himself. He knew if they were going to discuss their issues, it would not be from yelling at one another. < _Now I just have to get **her** to calm down_> he thought with consternation.

"You did Giles! You essentially accused me of lying about my choice in this pregnancy and, long before that, you sent me a letter telling me that I was going to be fired over something that you didn't even _bother_ to get my side of!" Buffy was horrified to realize she was on the edge of crying again, just like the last time she was in his presence, "Why couldn't you have, at the very _least_ , called me or contacted me to ask what happened before assuming that I was trying to get 'preferential treatment' from the council? Or did you really believe that I broke that asshole's arm because he wouldn't have sex with me?"

When the first tears began to roll down Buffy's cheeks, Giles reached out to place his hand on her shoulder. Before he could touch her she yanked her body back, stood up straight and locked eyes with him. "I was defending you and I basically got fired for it. It doesn't matter that you gave me the option to quit. What it comes down to is the fact that you haven't trusted me for a _very_ long time. So tell me, why the hell are you here?"

Giles had enough. "Buffy, _sit_ _down_."

Giles could see she was about to argue some more, so he grabbed her arm lightly and guided her into one of the chairs that were in her room.

"Now, you are going to listen to me. You will let me clarify a few things," Giles saw her open her mouth, but continued, " _without_ interruptions. You have yelled your side at me and now you will let me tell you, _calmly,_ about what I know is going on."

He was surprised when Buffy sat there without saying anything. He had really expected her to continue arguing and yelling at him as well. She was staring at him with anger in her eyes, but she was still doing as he asked.

"If only you'd bloody well listened to me this well when you were younger." He muttered.

Giles saw her open her mouth again, but spoke before she could say anything.

"We need to clear up a _serious_ misconception. _I_ did not fire you. The letter that you received was _not_ from the Council." Giles shook his head, then sat down in the other chair across from her, "Technically someone at the Council did send it to you, but it was in an unofficial capacity. It did _not_ go through me. I would never have believed any such nonsense as to what they were claiming you did. I _do_ know you better than that. I am disappointed that you would believe that I would fire you over that situation. I was under the misconception that you knew _me_ better than that."

Buffy again opened her mouth, but he grabbed and held onto her hand, which for some reason made her stay quiet. She did however tilt her head at him, glancing down at their hands before focusing on his face.

"Now... I did not call you a liar about your pregnancy. I don't know what you expect from me, but you know I cannot read minds, nor am I omnipotent or all knowing. You did not tell me it was a magical pregnancy when I saw you. Had you told me, instead of just assuming that I knew, I would have _believed_ you." Giles caught her gaze, where he could see in her eyes that she was feeling slightly repentant, "I do realize that I was quite, er... upset at the time, which I am sorry for, but you have told me things in the past while I was angry. You could very well have let me know at some point during our argument. Instead, however, you chose to attack me because I didn't just assume that you got magically pregnant. As for trusting you..." Giles pulled his hand away and stood back up, pacing for a few seconds, then stopped and looked directly at her, "I do believe that has been a two way street for quite some time. Am I wrong?"

Giles saw that there were tears rolling down her cheeks again and sat back down across from her, handing her his handkerchief. She grabbed it, but it took her a little bit of time before she used it. After she was done, she handed it back, but still sat there without saying anything. When he raised his eyebrow at her in question she finally spoke.

"So I'm allowed to speak now?" she said with a mild tone of annoyance.

At her sarcasm, Giles rolled his eyes and shook his head lightly. "Buffy, would you have _honestly_ let me say all of that without interrupting or arguing back?"

Buffy snorted, rolling her own eyes, before giggling lightly, "No, I suppose not. Especially since the issue with the Council is so disastery."

"Yes, well, we'll come back to that in a minute." Giles said, his mouth set hard line. "I'd like us to discuss the trust issues between us first."

Buffy stood up and stared him down, her eyes hard with anger again, "Really? So you want to talk about the fact that you think I've been an idiot for the past four months? Or how about the fact that you didn't think I was strong enough to solve a situation without screwing it up? Or the fact that during the battle with the First, you essentially called me a weakling, told me I was a lousy leader and said that I shouldn't be in control of the group because I was being 'reckless' and just 'chasing windmills', which was your _exact_ expression! On top of that, I was right about the goddamn vineyard and the fact that Caleb was guarding the scythe!"

"Buffy, stop. Just stop!" Giles stood up, staring back at her, his eyes brimming with barely controlled fury. He was fighting to control his temper... again. < _This I getting old!_ >

"Buffy, let's look back at that time, shall we? If you want to nitpick at the things we said and did to one another, we can do that. You were so very upset about Robin trying to kill Spike that you didn't even realize there was a benefit to the situation! Had he not tried to kill him, his trigger _would_ have remained active and Spike could've turned on all of you at any moment!" Giles tamped down his irritation, trying to stop this discussion from elevating further.

"If I had to do that part over again, the only things I would change are; Robin really trying to kill Spike, instead of just deactivating his trigger, and not letting you in on the plan." Giles narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together in a slight scowl. "Also, just to clear a few things up, I have not and nor will I _ever_ , call you weak. Do you not remember when I told you that you were the strongest one there? That you needed to lead because of that fact?"

"Giles, you didn't trust me to lead!" She gave him a frosty look, "According to you I was too trusting of everything and everyone!"

"Not everyone, Buffy! _Just_ Spike! I came back to find you cozying up to, yet _another,_ vampire with a soul. You defended him even when he clearly should _not_ have been trusted while his trigger was still active. We should have, at the very least, kept him chained up until we figured out a way to deactivate it." Giles closed his eyes and shook his head. "On top of all of that, with you telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about and that I wasn't trustworthy, despite me being your Watcher for _years,_ instead of listening to me, you're out going on dates and, as usual, trying to find someone else to bloody well hold you through the goddamn apocalypse!"

Buffy stopped short from continuing to argue, tilting her head in confusion. < _If I didn't know better... it sounds like he was... jealous._ >

Giles closed his eyes and shook his head. He did his best to center himself before opening them back up so he could talk without making any of the accusations that were still running through his mind coat his words. "Look Buffy, I will admit that I do bear _some_ responsibility to the rift between us, but it wasn't all me. We were both a part of the problem." Giles sighed, still looking at her eyes, "I do regret not sticking up for you the night we kicked you out of the house, as well as several other things that happened during that time, but I _won't_ let that define our entire relationship in the past or from now on."

Buffy shook her head. For a minute he thought that she was disagreeing with him, but then she sank down to sit on the bed with her head dropped towards the floor. "You're right. It _was_ both of us. I'm sorry... I should have listened to you, especially about Spike. When I really think about it, I still didn't trust Spike. Not _deep_ down. I haven't since he tried to... well, since he tried to rape me. It didn't matter that he got a soul. I couldn't get past that."

Buffy stood back up suddenly, making him startle a tad bit. "Damn it! Why does everything lead back to Spike? I never loved him! Cared for him once he got his soul, yes. But loved him? Absolutely _not_! All I knew was that we needed him to finish the battle!"

Giles rolled his eyes, "Buffy, it doesn't lead back to Spike. It never has. What it came back to is the fact that we no longer trusted one another. So, can I ask," Giles paused almost afraid to voice his next question, then pushed through his fear with aggravation at himself. "Do you trust me _now_? After everything we've done and been through, do you think... that I'm a man that you can trust to stand beside you and make sure you're where you want to be in life?" He paused again. "Can we work together, instead of _against_ one another, from now on? I think we're going to need to be together to figure out what the plot is to uproot the council."

"I do trust you Giles. On some level I always have and always will." Buffy sat down in the chair she'd been in previously and waited for him to sit down again too. "What is this about a plot to uproot the Council? You didn't mention that when you were telling me about the letter. I'm still confused as to what the letter even has to do with the whole situation."

"There are more problems with the Council then even I know about." His voice was rather grave, and a tad worried, "It seems the letter had nothing to do with the situation with that pillock Wyndam. The only reason the Rome office sent it to you was because they didn't want you to leave. They were hoping, like the _fools_ they were, that you would beg to keep your job."

Buffy stared at him, her mouth hanging open for a few seconds before she snapped it shut. "They seriously thought that I would _beg_ to keep my job? Were they completely brainless or did they just not bother to read any of the copies you made of some of your Watcher Diaries that you sent out to each branch?"

"They were definitely not being realistic." He said, his eyes alight with amusement before suddenly turning serious. "Unfortunately, the situation with Wyndam is a little more insidious. We've got him detained and he's being flown here under guard to make sure he doesn't escape." Giles glared at the window, his eyes suddenly hard and unyielding. "Apparently, there's a sect of Watchers who have some type of plan to try to usurp me and change the Council back to its previous régime. I'm unsure of what their plotting entails, but we _will_ find out. However," Giles looking her directly in her emerald grey eyes with remorse, "I'm very sorry about the Rome offices tactics. I'll catch you up on what's being done about the situation, but there is something else I want to clarify to you."

Without thinking about it, Giles reached down and clasped Buffy's hand again, surprised at his own tactile actions. < _Why the hell can't I stop touching her? What is going on with me?_ > He was just about to pull his hand away again when she clasped it tightly, not allowing his withdrawal. His next words came out more nervous than he would have liked. "I...er, I just want you to know that you _do_ still have a job at the Council if you'd like one. I've already started the paperwork to make certain you get your salary for the time you were gone."

Buffy stared at him for a moment before her other hand came up to rest on the slight swell of her abdomen. "I do..." she said hesitantly, "but obviously I don't think I'm going to be in any shape to train slayers for the next six months, maybe more."

"I do know that Buffy." He said, watching her hand as it stroked over that slight swell. < _Has she gotten bigger in the past two days or am I imagining it?_ > he thought before continuing, "I wasn't thinking of you training the slayers, so much as being in charge of that _entire_ division. You'd be directing where you think the slayers need to pay attention and have control over who gets assigned where. You would also have control over which Watchers get assigned to which slayers. There'd be a few more directives, but, in essence, the Watchers would have no control or say over matters that pertain to the slayers. Does that sound like something you'd like to do?" He saw her hesitation and squeezed her hand lightly, "You don't have to give me an answer right now. Just think it over and let me know."

She nodded then gently pulled her hand away. "Giles, I think there's something else you should know about the pregnancy..."

Giles stood up, looked around the room, then sat back down again. She saw him sigh and she tilted her head. "Are you looking for something in particular?"

"No, not really." When Buffy kept looking at him curiously, he sighed again, "I was thinking that some tea would be _very_ welcome right now. I thought they might have provided you with an electric kettle or something."

Buffy stood and went to her room phone. After a second, he heard her talking to someone before she hung up and turned back towards him. Barely a minute later, there was a knock at the door, to which she walked over and opened it. The woman with whom he'd spoken to when he first walked in the cottage was standing on the other side with a tray in her hands. Just as Buffy started to walk towards some stands he saw leaning up on the side wall, Giles jumped up, urged her back towards the chair, set up the tray holder, and took the tea tray gratefully from the woman holding it.

Buffy sat down and watched as he started to prepare her a cup of tea first. "Giles, this is Evey." She said, indicating to the woman next to him. He nodded his head in acknowledgment but continued what he was doing. "She's the reason I'm able to stay here."

"What is the story behind that? I know you have no problems getting reservations." Giles said towards Evey, as he turned and handed Buffy her cup before starting to prepare his own.

"That's kind of a long story, Giles." He heard Buffy say behind him.

However, Evey smiled at him and said, "She's a slayer. She needed a room and I had one available."

Giles turned back to Buffy with his eyebrow raised.

"Apparently not that long." She muttered. < _Why does everyone **always** do that to me?_> She paused and then spoke a little louder "Evey's a descendant of a slayer. I'm going to look into it for her, but haven't gotten around to it yet."

Giles smiled kindly at the older woman, "I can help with that Buffy. I don't mind."

Evey grinned at Giles, nodded her head, then excused herself, shutting the door behind her. Giles went back and sat down across from Buffy again, looking and obviously feeling a little more comfortable. "So you said that there was something I needed to know about the pregnancy? That's the other reason I needed to speak with you. I have some... important information that I think you need to know about. I also need you to answer some questions for me."

Buffy, still worried about what he was going to say when he found out the baby was his, locked onto his words. "What type of information?"

Giles smirked, hiding it behind his tea cup. He had an idea of what she needed to tell him and, as much as he knew she wanted to, she was obviously scared to as well. He put his tea cup down on the table next to them. "Buffy, whatever it is that you need to tell me, please just do it."

Buffy dropped her cup into its saucer where some of the tea spilled over. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you!" She stood up and stepped away from him, staring out the window. "When the coven tried to see where the magicks came from, they discovered... well..." Buffy stopped, obviously uncomfortable.

"That the baby was mine?" he asked softly from behind her.

Buffy startled and whirled around to find him standing only a few inches from her. She'd been so worried she didn’t even hear him move. Her aggravation took ahold of her. < _I've been so damn anxious and he already knew!_ >

"You knew?! You fucking _knew_ and you didn't say anything?" Buffy pushed him back a few steps then sat heavily on her bed, her face in her hands. She was frustrated to realize she was crying again, this time with anger. "Here I am worried that you'll be upset and you _already_ fucking knew." Buffy said into her palms. It was muffled, but he just barely managed to understand her.

Giles reached out to place his hand on her shoulder, but pulled back himself before he could touch her. < _She's certainly got those bloody mood swings down! I **really** wish Willow had warned me about that!_>

Giles sat back down in the chair he was in previously then went to take a drink of his tea only to realize it was empty. "Buffy when was I supposed to tell you? When you were yelling at me when I first got here? Over the phone when you hung up on me? You tell me. What _exactly_ do you expect from me?" He stood up and went to make another cup of tea, hoping that she would calm down by the time he was finished.

He turned to look at her just as he poured his cup of tea to find her, once again standing and staring at him angrily. The look on her face was too much... he put the pot down before he dropped it and started chuckling. Before he knew it, he was laughing harder than he meant to. Giles walked over to Buffy, who was now staring at him like he'd lost his mind.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and forced himself to calm down. "Buffy, we have got to _stop_ doing this. We need to stop battling one another and try to get past everything without getting angry at one another every other minute. We need to focus on _our_ future. One that is now tied together because of a baby that is going to need the _both_ of us." 

At his words, Buffy felt her anger and trepidation leave her suddenly. She couldn't stop herself, didn't even want to stop herself, from throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. She felt him shift so he could place him arms around her as well. "Buffy, could we start over? Not completely... but just enough so we can stop throwing our past differences and arguments into each other's faces. Can we, at the very least, be friends again, like we used to?"

Giles pulled back so he could look into her eyes, only to find she had tears rolling down her face again. He reached up and brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the wetness and, without thinking about it, placing a kiss on her forehead. "So can we?"

Buffy nodded while staring up at him with an expression he couldn't recognize. It was strange because he could swear he knew _all_ of her facial expressions, but this one... this one made him want to keep hugging her and never let her go. Afraid of causing her to get angry again by letting some hint of his feelings to slip through, he released her slowly and turned to go finish making his tea. Just before he turned away, he saw a shocked look cross her face and he wondered what it was about. The cup of tea he'd poured earlier had cooled a little, but was still hot enough to be good.

When he turned back, he found her sitting on the bed again, staring at him curiously. "When did you find out the baby was yours?"

"Yesterday afternoon." He brought his tea back and sat down in the chair she had been in previously, since it was right across from her position on the bed. He needed to be able to look her in the eyes to find out how she was feeling about the information he was about to give her. That was one of the main ways he had of understanding how she felt and if she was hiding something. "Quentin Travers wrote down whatever data he could find about the slayer pregnancies in his journal. I read parts of it at work and... well, the one and only thing he specified was that all of the slayers were pregnant with their Watcher's babies. It was all due to... well, there was a... sort of, a metaphysical link between the Watcher and the slayer."

Buffy gestured to her tea cup next to Giles. He handed it to her and, despite the fact that he knew it was cold, she still drank the rest of it, causing him to make a somewhat disgusted face. Buffy grinned at his expression, knowing exactly why he'd made the face, before getting up to rinse out her cup in the sink so she could pour herself another. As she walked out of the bathroom, she saw he was looking at her curiously and she suddenly realized why. "They had a link between them?"

"Yes, every Watcher and slayer were tied together emotionally. Quentin wrote that the reason behind the pregnancies was because of a betrayal that happened between the two of them." Giles furrowed his eyebrows, a little tentative. < _Here goes nothing old man!_ > "Apparently, we have the _same_ metaphysical link between us as well. Quentin called it a 'bond'. He was aware that there was a possibility of having one form between us from the very start but never told me about it. A bond between Watcher and slayer was never covered in any training I had while growing up. Not even at the academy. I just..." Giles paused again, realizing he had to get this across. "I need you to know that we're tied together... metaphysically and emotionally."

Buffy laughed, finishing up fixing her tea and went and sat down on the bed across from him again. She wasn't sure why since she could have sat down in the chair he was using previously, but for some reason she felt she needed to be nearer to him while they discussed this issue. She took a sip of the tea, set it down on the table and began laughing again. When she looked at Giles she found him staring at her with surprise. Before she could stop herself, she began to giggle even harder.

After managing to calm herself down enough to speak, she placed her hand on her swollen abdomen and giggled one more time. "That's pretty obvious Giles. I kinda figured there was some type of link between us when I found out I was pregnant with _your_ child. So it's called a 'bond'?" Buffy actually used her fingers to make the quotation marks around the word as she said it, something she hated to do, "Any idea how long it's been since it formed?"

"Apparently, we've had the bond for a very long time. Quentin first realized it existed when we did the Cruciamentum. He's also fairly certain that the reason another slayer wasn't called when you died the second time, was because of the bond between us." Giles paused as something suddenly occurred to him.

Buffy must have been thinking the same thing because she voiced the question he'd just asked himself. "What about when I died the first time?"

After a minute of pondering it, he gave her the only answer he could think of that would make sense, "I think the bond hadn't formed yet, or was still in the middle of forming. It was two years before you're eighteenth birthday and we went through a _lot_ of trials and tribulations during that time. We built up a great deal of trust during those years." He closed his eyes, remembering everything that they'd been through, "Dealing with Angelus after he turned, Jenny's murder, my search for you during the time you were missing, our strangely automatic trust when you did reappear." Giles opened his eyes, his gaze locking onto her gray green irises, "Then there was the issues we had to face when Angel came back from the hell dimension. After we were able to forgive one another for the several transgressions during those instances, it definitely strengthened our emotional connections."

Buffy, stared at him, her eyes wide with astonishment. < _That's the first time I've ever heard him talk about Miss Calendar's murder without stuttering or wincing..._ > She was once again surprised with the words he spoke next.

"It's strange. I never actually realized until later, but the moment I saw you after you got back from LA, I could read your emotional level just by looking at you. I could _tell_ when something was wrong. It's the main reason I told you there was a binding spell that I had to do to lock up Acathla." Giles eyes dropped to his lap a little guiltily, "There wasn't really a binding ritual," he confessed in a low voice, "I just _knew_ you needed to admit that Angel had been cured before you killed him."

"Oh Giles," Buffy reached out her hand and lifted his chin so that he would look at her, "I think I knew that already. I..." she smiled, pulling back in just in time to stop herself from giving in to the sudden urge to stroke his cheek and feel the slightly stubbled skin, "Actually, I _know_ that I knew that already. Strangely enough, I think that's why I was so stubborn about not wanting to admit it." Her head tilted in wonder, "Do you suppose that was the bond?"

"It must have been," Giles conceded with a small smile, before his expression turned quizzical again. "However, knowing what we do about the bond now, there's one more thing about the pregnancy that we need to figure out." He paused, his eyes staring into hers with speculation, "Why did it happen now?"

Her eyes alighted with humor, "I thought we already discussed that. During our rough period we're we didn't trust one another?"

Giles rolled his eyes. "No Buffy, that's not what I meant. I mean why didn't it happened after you were brought back from the dead and I left you to come back to England? The magicks in play _should_ have enforced the pregnancy then. You were very specific when you told me I was abandoning you. Yet, the magicks waited until recently to enact its purpose." Giles sat forward, studying Buffy's expression. He needed to see if she'd be honest about how she was feeling back then. "What were your exact emotions when I left you? Can you remember what you felt at that time?"

Buffy winced, "Truthfully, I remember it with crystal clarity because it was one of the worst times of my life." She saw guilt flash across Giles face and reached over to grab his hand. < _He's taken my hand twice. I may as well take his this time._ >

She smiled at him when he caught her eyes. "Giles, please _don't_. Fresh start, remember? Those were your words and I agreed. Plus, I told you before, when we were in the training room, that you did the right thing and I still believe that. I needed to remember how to stand on my own two feet again." After a moment or two of internal debate and remembrance, she finally figured out how to describe her exact emotions at that time. "I felt hollow inside. Like something was missing and when you left, you took it with you. Without giving me..."

When Buffy paused, Giles tilted his head. "Buffy?"

"When I came back from the dead, you know I had a detachment of sorts. It wasn't even coming back or getting yanked out of Heaven. It wasn't until _months_ later that I finally began to feel normal again. Not until we..." Buffy's face flared pink as she blushed, turning to look out the window before speaking next, "Well, after your stay in the hospital, the... the day before you left and we... well, there was a moment after, um..."

Giles face suddenly grew tense with recognition, "Ah, yes. Er..."

* * *

_A year and a half earlier..._

"Buffy, you will be all right with me leaving tomorrow, won't you?" Giles said as he pulled his glasses off and set them down next to him before turning to lock eyes with her.

"Geez Giles, make me feel bad more, would you?" She said, sticking her tongue out to emphasize the point, both literally and figuratively.

Giles was sitting on the coffee table in front of her. He had no idea why, he could have just as easily sat next to her on the couch. "Well, you do know, should you need me, all you have to do..."

"Is call you. I _know_ Giles. I promise if I need to, I'll call you." Buffy placed her hand on his thigh. She'd done it before many years ago when she jumped out of a school window, as well as a few times since, but for some reason it felt different this time. More... intimate.

She didn't move it away.

Giles apparently didn't notice because he didn't even acknowledge it. Instead, he rolled his eyes at her answer. "No, Buffy, not just if you need to. I want you to call even if it's just because you can't sleep. England is eight hours ahead, so I promise you won't wake me up. Even if you did, I'll be fine. So please," Giles reached down and covered her hand on his thigh with his own, hearing a quick indrawn breath from her when he did, "just call me collect whenever you want to talk. I'll accept any charges so you won't have to pay for them."

Buffy's fingers tightened on his thigh under his own hand, and his brain stuttered for a moment. He almost didn't hear her answer.

"Giles, don't worry, I'll be... _we'll_ be fine. All I have is work and patrolling. Dawn has school." Buffy said, her voice somewhat strained as she gently pulled her hand away from under his. "If I need a night off, Xander and I can take a break at the Bronze or find something else to do. I promise I'll take care of myself. _And_ Dawn."

When Giles glanced at Buffy face, he saw something strange flicker through her expression. He tilted his head and reached out to cup her cheek. Much like the last time he did it, when he'd come back because Willow called to say she was alive, she pressed her cheek into his palm.

This time it was her hand that reached up and covered his own on her face. Before she even thought about what she was doing, she moved his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing his palm softly. Giles had his own moment of quickly drawing in his breath, while they stared at each other.

He honestly hadn't realized how close they were until that very second. He was sitting on the coffee table with his legs on either side of her own and when he'd leant forward cradle her cheek, he'd put himself within mere inches of her face. He knew his arms were more than long enough that he didn't need to get as close as he had, but he also wasn't able to stop himself. Something in her eyes, the way she was looking at him, was magnetic, making him lean in to where he felt like he couldn't pull away from her gaze... even if he wanted to.

For her part, Buffy couldn't understand why Giles was staring at her so intensely. He was so close she could smell a faint scent of the aftershave he'd used, spicy with a hint of sandalwood. His breath, sweetened with a hint of tea, was ghosting along her lips making her shiver with a sensation she'd never felt before. She was still holding his hand, but it slowly slipped away from her lips and went back to cupping her cheek softly. Unconsciously, she licked her suddenly dry lips, wetting them down. His eyes darkened as they darted down and followed the movement before moving back up and recapturing her gaze.

Buffy drew in another quick breath, then closed her eyes when his thumb began to leisurely stroke her cheek. If she didn't break this moment she was going to do something that she'd never even considered doing. < _Really? Never Buffy? Are you **sure** you want to believe that?_> Her eyes flew back open when she felt him start to shift away. Before she could stop herself she leaned forward, placed her hands high on his thighs and brushed her lips lightly against his.

Giles stiffened for a split second, one hand still on Buffy's cheek, the other suddenly clenched tight next to his leg as he tried to restrain his reactions. It took everything in him to fight the urge to grab her and yank her into his arms and against his body. When he didn't pull away or say anything to stop her, she brushed her lips over his again, almost experimentally. Then her hands slid further up his thighs, stopping just short of where he was suddenly extremely hard and aching.

That was the _last_ of his resistance; he groaned and hauled her towards him. His hands framed her face, capturing her lips greedily. Buffy's hands gripped his thighs tightly, needing something to hold onto to steady herself. She felt as if the whole world was shifting around her, and he was the only thing holding her steady. Her heart was thundering in her chest, and she could hear his, almost in complete tandem. One kiss became several, going from closed mouth to slightly open, until he felt the tip of her tongue brushing against his lips.

Giles groaned again, pulling her even further forward as he deepened the kiss, possessively claiming her lips. She met him just as fiercely, her hands coming up to his shoulders to pull him nearer as well. She remembered that feeling she had when she'd seen him in the Magic Box, the urge to just climb inside him and stay there forever. It came back in spades now, making her try to get even closer to him, despite the fact that their positions on the couch and coffee table were a detriment to that demand.

When his hands thrust into her hair, she growled into his mouth and shifted until she was kneeling in front of and pressing against him as much as possible. She yanked his shirts from his jeans as she plunged her own hands under the clothes and ran her nails down his chest. Her nail caught against one of the hard peaks of his nipples and he shuddered with pleasure. She ran her fingers up his chest again, stopping at both his nipples this time and pinching them, hard.

Giles shuddered again, this time growling into Buffy's mouth as he pushed her hands out from under his clothes and pulled her flush against his body. Her arms wrapped over his shoulders while she shoved her hands down the back of his shirt this time, her nails digging partially into his skin, leaving trails of sensation in his body every time she moved them across his back.

Neither one could figure out later how they ended up on the couch together, her legs straddling his. Buffy was trying her damnedest to merge with him, wanting his skin next to hers. Everything in her was screaming for him to just _keep_ _touching_ _her_. His own hands had found their way under her shirt, cupping and caressing her breasts and occasionally rolling her nipples between the tips of his fingers or just flicking the hard aching tips and sending jolts of lighting down to her core.

When Buffy slid forward and settled herself over his erection, she whimpered. He was so damn hard it had to be hurting him. The sound alone made Giles shiver with want and need. A need to be close to her, a need to hold her, but most of all, a need to be inside of her, claiming her and making certain that no other man would ever be enough for her.

Christ he _wanted_ her. He'd felt the draw before, the ache to be with her, but it was different this time. Something in him was demanding and focusing that want down to an ultra-sharp honed emotion, amplifying it in a way that he'd never felt before. He wanted her... **_needed_** her, more than he'd ever needed anything else in his entire life. His body was demanding her more than he needed to eat, sleep, or even breathe. The power behind that want, that _need_ , was so forceful and so strong that, were he to stop, he knew the very world around them would implode.

Something tugged at his mind, something strange and foreign in that very moment. He could feel her arousal _within_ him. It was hard and harsh, and the emotions he felt coming from her, from some strange connection between them, amplified his own arousal in the process. Giles moaned, his hands leaving her breasts to grip her hips. He thrust hard against her as he yanked her down against him.

One thrust was all it took. Before she even knew what was happening her body seized up and she cried out in startled ecstasy, the intense pangs of pleasure coursing through her, building to a sharp peak as her orgasm crashed over her suddenly and without warning. The intensity of her pleasure was so powerful that she was helpless to do anything but hold onto him, her fingernails digging into the back of his neck while they continued kissing, hard and unyieldingly. < _Son of a Bitch! I can't believe that I'm..._ >

Just as her pleasure heightened to what she thought was the peak... her shock doubled when she realized he was right there with her, his cock pulsing in his jeans as he held her tightly against him with his hands still on her hips. The feel of him losing control against her, strengthened her orgasm, pushing her over an edge that she'd never even come close to before.

Buffy felt something tug inside of her, like something snapping into place that had been lost and it was _finally_ finding its way home. The feeling was strong enough to make her pull out of the kiss and gasp loudly as she continued to grip him. She dropped her head into his neck, biting his skin hard enough to nearly puncture it, panting heavily still trying to figure out _what_ it was that had just connected to something inside of her.

< _God, what was that? What just happened? What...?_ >

When Buffy was finally able to think straight, she realized that she felt different. She felt...

Restored... **Whole**. In a way that she hadn't felt for _very_ long time.

She'd known something was off for quite a while. For the longest time, after she was yanked out of heaven, she'd thought it was something that had been left out of her when she came back from the dead. However, on one of those nights she couldn't sleep and her brain had been circling the feeling, it had suddenly occurred to her that she'd had the sense of something missing since just before she died... as if someone had taken a tiny part of her soul, unlatched it and then kept it away from her after that point on. Something important had been stolen or ripped away from her life even before she died by taking that life to save Dawn, Giles, everyone, and everything else she cared about.

And just now, somehow, some way, it had come _back._

After finally coming to grips with that feeling inside of her, the rightness of everything settling back where it belonged, she felt her lungs expanding as she breathed. Her heart was finally beating again without echoing in her chest as if it were empty. It was such a foreign sensation, to suddenly feel as if _everything_ mattered again.

Then the situation of what had just happened registered to her. She suddenly realized she was straddling Giles.

< _Christ, did I just have sex with Giles? With **Giles**? What the hell? Not that I never wanted to before, but... **Fuck**!_>

Giles was completely silent. His hands had loosened from her hips. She sat up and pulled back slightly, only to find him with his eyes closed and his head laying back against the couch. He wasn't asleep and she knew, for some strange reason she could _feel_ it, without a doubt, that he was already regretting what had just happened. She wanted to reassure him, to say that everything was okay, but the words were stuck in her throat.

She didn't know why. That emotion was still there, only stronger now, that draw to him that made her want to stay with him, keep touching him, crawl inside of him and never let him go.

The quiet was beginning to become uncomfortable when he suddenly shifted her off of his lap, stood up, and walked upstairs. Buffy felt a surge of something edging at her mind but it was faint, as if it was being pulled partially away. Not harshly or deliberately, just as if someone was quietly and gently putting a wall up away from her awareness.

The moment Giles reached the top of the stairs he stopped, closed his eyes and leant his head against the nearest wall, soaking up the mild chill through his skin and hoping it would cool down his body entirely. His jeans were becoming wholly uncomfortable, reminding how badly he'd just screwed up with Buffy.

< _What the bloody hell was I thinking? Oh wait, I wasn't thinking. I was feeling. Both her emotions and sensations mixed so deeply with my own that I had **no** control over myself. Why the hell had that happened? How had that even been remotely possible?_>

The back and forth of those sensations and emotions had _literally_ driven him beyond thinking any rational thoughts whatsoever. All he could do at the time was hang on for the ride and hope like hell that she'd understand. The moment she'd started to peak, the sensations had hit his veins like liquid fire and he was right there with her... coming in his pants like a bloody teenager.

* * *

_Present_

Buffy inwardly flinched. Just as they were starting to talk calmly again, for the first time in weeks, she hadn't been fighting lust or anger, and she'd been able to focus. Now, after going over that time with him, her body was suddenly craving his. The sounds of him coming were echoing in her head. The touch of his lips on hers was a very real memory and she could still feel the sensation on a physical level, despite the fact that it'd been over a year since it had happened.

Buffy closed her eyes, trying to fight the flush of arousal that was covering her entire body. She was so turned on just from the memory of the feel of his body against hers, that it felt like she had molten lava flowing under her skin.

Giles glanced away for a minute trying to compose himself, before looking at her again. She was still blushing but he ignored it in favor of getting more information. He also decided shift her attention from what was happening at the time she got that connected feeling. It would be easier for him to get her to focus if he just skipped past it. "Buffy when was the last time..."

Buffy interrupted him, standing up quickly. She had to get off of the bed and away from him, even if it was just for a few minutes. "Giles, give me a minute. I have to go to the restroom... too much tea. I'll be right back." Buffy practically sprinted to her ensuite bathroom. She tried to shut the door behind her without slamming it, but it still closed harder than she would have liked.

Giles sighed heavily as soon as the door shut. He knew that time was going to come back and bite him in the arse. As confusing as that situation had been with those sensations mixing together so completely, it had also made him crave her more. Even now, he still had those images and sounds in his mind. He often remembered them on those nights that he yearned for and needed her more than he could ever admit in the daytime.

So, of course, now that they'd been brought out into the open again, he felt that longing. He was glad she'd run into the bathroom. Otherwise, he might have made a move that would probably have gotten him slapped or thrown out of her room. Maybe even put them on worse ground then they'd been when he first arrived at the cottage.

Giles sat back in the chair, closed his eyes and, once again, tried to center himself. < _Hopefully I can get myself under control before she gets back out here._ >

~@~

The moment Buffy shut the bathroom door, she leaned back against it and tried to calm her overactive hormones. She honestly wasn't sure she was going to be able to. After them sort of going over what had happened, something she'd tried her damnedest to forget when she'd known how badly he'd regretted it, all of the emotions and feelings she'd been struggling with had come straight to the forefront of her mind. Apparently, she'd been mistaken in thinking Giles had forgotten about it because he remembered more than she did when they were talking. Buffy turned on the faucet and pulled out the vibrator she'd left in there. Maybe it would help her just to try.

Five minutes later, Buffy came out of the bathroom to find Giles sitting in the chair with his eyes closed. At first she thought he was asleep, but then he startled her by opening his eyes and looking at her. She blushed when his eyes alighted on her but whatever he was thinking she couldn't tell because his expression was indecipherable.

< _I really hope he didn't hear me!_ > She was a tad worried but when he stared at her, he didn't look at her any differently than the way he'd been before she went into the restroom.

"Feel better?" His voice made her jump.

"Um, yeah..." She couldn't tell if he meant anything behind the inquiry so she just sat down in the other chair. "What was the question you were going to ask before I had to..."

Giles sat up, still looking at her with a speculative expression. "What I _was_ going to ask was; when was the last time you remember feeling complete? You mentioned that you felt a part of you was missing when you came back, but I need to know when you really started to feel cut off. Was it only when you came back or was it before you died?"

Buffy licked her lips, trying to think about everything that had happened back then. She wasn't aware of the way Giles eyes followed that movement. He cleared his throat and forced his mind back into focus again, looking at her expectantly.

"Well, it was the worst when I came back. That's when everything felt completely empty... like a big part of me was missing. But the last time I remember feeling like everything was normal was..." Buffy grinned, the smile throwing Giles off for a second until he realized whatever she was going to say was going to be either a smartass remark, or something she found highly amusing. "The last time was when you took me to the desert and did the hokey-pokey. I still felt connected after that point, but it was more distant than before."

Giles closed his eyes, shaking his head and deciding to ignore her amusement to focus on what had happened at that time. "So, when I transferred my guardianship of you over to your spirit guide, you still had a connection to it and it never shifted back over to me. That must be about the time the bond started to weaken. I never requested that guardianship back from your spirit guide. I didn't realize I needed or was supposed to. I might have missed that part of the ritual. I'll look up it up as soon as I get a chance."

Giles stared off into the distance for a minute, obviously thinking about or considering something else before coming back to rest his emerald eyes on her. "Of course, it could just be something that's related to the bond and had nothing to do with the ritual. I'm guessing that your spirit guide was still watching over you, but the connection was broken when you died. That must have tethered you back to me just enough to keep you connected so that another slayer wasn't called. That's also, more than likely, why you felt a large part of you was missing when Willow pulled you back."

Giles broke eye contact with Buffy and went over to check on the teapot. The small amount of liquid left inside was cold, so instead of pouring a new cup, he turned back towards Buffy with a curious expression. "Have you and Dawn found a flat or a house to move into yet?"

Buffy tilted her head in confusion. It seemed like random change of topic but she figured that maybe he was done discussing their bond for right now. "Not yet. I was supposed to take Dawn out to look at apartments today. I overslept this morning so I called her before I phoned you and told her we'd go out this afternoon instead."

While Buffy watched him, Giles suddenly shifted nervously. "Do you mind coming over to my house instead? Perhaps you could go tomorrow. It's always better to go looking in the mornings anyway. I... er," Giles smiled at her softly, "there's something I need to show you."

Buffy tilted her head again. < _He's acting a little strange. If I didn't know any better I'd say he's being rather shifty._ > "Sure. Just let me call Dawn and let her know we'll be going tomorrow morning instead. We really do need to find a place soon."

"Hopefully you won't need to..." Giles muttered lowly to himself.

Just as Buffy went to pick up the phone she heard him mutter something, but it was too quiet for her to hear. She shrugged it off and called her sister.


End file.
